My 2 Year old Frenchie drowned in my pool and I’m heartbroken

[Cali123]

My two-year-old Frenchie drowned in my pool on September 1 and I still can’t wrap my head around it and it’s been two weeks. I don’t know how this happened. It was late at night. I was in my backyard. We were having a great time. It was dark in my backyard and there was night swimming at one point I seen my dog go inside - with this French bulldog of mine once he goes up the stairs he doesn’t know how to walk down. I carry him down so I assumed he stayed upstairs. My 10-year-old son came down and said mom are you coming up as I was cleaning and I said yes he asked where my dog was and I said upstairs he said no mom he’s not.. we then looked around and then he pointed to the pool and said mom he’s at the bottom of the pool.  It was absolutely gut wrenching, having to dive in and pull my lifeless dog out, and I just can’t relive this down or forgive myself. This is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. I am on week two now and I still feel a lot of pain, but I’m hoping when I get the ashes in the next week, it doesn’t hit me even harder all over again. I blame myself. My dog never goes in the pool or jumps in something happened that night where maybe somebody knocked him in on accident it was dark. I don’t know. 
My son now wants a new dog and I just can’t come to terms with feeling like I’m replacing my other one. I still haven’t got his ashes yet and I just don’t think it’s right to go and get another dog yet. However I want to make my son feel happy again. Ironically, my dog has a brother that is available, but I’d have to get him as soon as possible and I kind of wanted some time to grieve any recommendations?

[KayC]

I am so sorry!  You can rest assured your dog is good now, but I know you aren't, it is so hard to lose them at any age, but all the harder when they are so young.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[AJWCat]

Wow that is so awful. I am so sorry to read this.  

I will say you are NOT replacing your other dog. Too many animals need love and homes... don't make it about you, make it about the dog. And your son. It will help with the grief. 

You will never forget the dog you had because all animals have their own unique personality. 

[Jim M]

Get the new dog. Your son will be happy, and you will be busy helping with the new dog, and will find enjoyment from the activity. When grief hits you hard, it sometimes helps to het  involbed with some new good thing to help you through as your grief slowly fades (and it will--  hang in there) I would get the new dog. They'll bring smiles into the house faster. 

[KayC]

I did, my son found him and brought him to me...he was conceived when my last dog died and born on my birthday. When my son sent me a video and pictures of him, the name Kodie popped into my head.  When he came, my son threw down the collar and tags and the dog's name was...Kodie.

He's been amazing, trained himself as a service dog, aims to please.  always wherever I am.  Little did I know how badly I'd need him, I've had 17+ major hand injuries since Covid.  He just celebrated his fifth birthday and me, my 72nd.

In the early days I'd tell him about his older brother, Arlie.  He knows how much I love Arlie and miss him.  He seems pretty secure in himself.  I tell him stories about him.  He listens.  He's an amazing dog and so smart.