Guilt when one loses a child

[JeanMel]

My son died by suicide a few months ago.  I got through the first months trying to get through the complicated process needing my attention since he lived alone and in another state.  Now that I’m mostly finished with that  I find myself stuck in the guilt I feel for not doing something to prevent this from happening. I knew he was sad but I thought I was managing to keep it from getting to the point it did.   I just can stop this overwhelming guilt.  I was his mom. He was my responsibility……

anyone else feel like this?

[KayC]

I am so sorry. Be sure and look up our section  on suicide.
Grief Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss

 

[JeanMel]

I was wondering if others were getting mixed messages about sucicide.  On the one hand I’m being told death by sucide couldn’t have been prevented.  But on the other hand I read all this information saying sucicide is preventable.  Anyone else get these confusing messages ?

[KayC]

The person committing suicide is the only one who can make that decision.  I had a coworker who commit suicide, I think if anyone could have swayed him it would have been his family, alas they tried their best to help him, got him a psychologist who was going to switch his Rx if he could have waited one more day.  Alas...

I knew him all his life and worked with his family in their business, we went to the same church.

[JeanMel]

Thanks for your response.  I get that the person committing the act has the final control. But if factors in their life had been helped. Getting the right meds. Getting help from the bully’s. Visiting them more when they are lonely.  I’m struggling as his mom because I think sometimes society doesn’t take any blame for how mean it is out there. How we put our own busy schedules before others needs.  Etc etc.  I think both views have some truth to them.  Right now I’m struggling with guilt of course thinking of what more I could have done to help him.   He moved far from us and most of his relatives didn’t bother with him.   Some self reflection is a good thing because how do we become better humans to those in our life’s if we don’t 

[KayC]

Just don't fault yourself unduly.  Self reflection is a good thing so long as we keep balance.