Unexpected Loss My Dad

[AnakinsMomma]

Hi I recently lost my father (07/07/2024) it was so unexpected, I just feel I need to share my story and see if anyone can relate. So here’s some backstory; My father was a bad diabetic with cardiac problems, and he recently had an amputation before he passed. So he was in a nursing care facility for long term physical therapy to learn to walk again. He had been there for about a week maybe 2, and I was at work when they called me around 10:30am. I remember the call so vividly and all the emotions that immediately hit me. They had went to give him his morning medicine and found him unresponsive so they began CPR. Luckily they were attached to an ER and he got super fast help. After I could get out of work I rushed to him crying the whole way by myself. I had so many thought racing my mind. I got there and my hopes were restored they got him back after 40 minutes of trying, he had brain activity still. I had hope my dad would be saved, they were air flighting him to a better hospital to try and find a cause. Before I got to see him even though he was sedated I still told him I loved him brushed his hair with my fingers and told him I loved him and they took him away. I started home to be with my baby and figure out my next steps, I get almost home and a different hospital called me. In my heart as soon as I answered the phone I knew what was coming, he was at a different hospital because not long after take off he coded again. This time they fought over an hour tried every medicine possible he just didn’t come back. I lost it screaming, cussing, I immediately filled with anger and rage that all has had no where to go. I wanted to blame someone anyone but I couldn’t doctors did all they could for him and even admitted more than they probably should have. I went to see him one final time before his organ donation wishes were honored. And since that moment in time when they confirmed my greatest fear that day I changed. I still feel it wasn’t his time, but if you’ve read all this I thank you greatly. I just need someone else to talk too who understands this all. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  My husband died of diabetic complicaptions doing everything the doctors told him to do, unfortunately the ADA and AMA are about 60 years behind times.  I now manage a large international group online as a tribute to him and also, I was diagnosed after he died.

I've been able to control mine though diet (Keto) and exercise, how I wish I'd known then what I know now, but I don't want anyone to go through what we went through, he should be with me now, but he died five days after his 51st bdy, on Father's Day 2005.

We can't change anything about the past but I like to think he's proud of me now.

My heart goes out to you, I lost my own dad all too young, when I was in my 20s and expecting my first child.  He would have adored my kids.

I can sense your frustration and anger, and I don't blame you one bit!  Alas doctors can only do their best, and it's a continual learning.

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

[AnakinsMomma]

I’m sorry for your loss. I just feel in my heart had my dad not had all that stress on his heart, he’d still be here. I know I’ll never have that answer, but it was so sudden I’m really struggling to accept it. I’m so happy he had 3 months with my son, but it feels he got cheated out of a great grandpa. And dad was so excited to see him grow up. At times I don’t know if I’m grieving for me, or what all my boy will miss out on with my dad. I feel I’m grieving both. My dad had just turned 69 in June, both our birthdays were in June so we shared one last birthday together. I’m just struggling to accept it happened, with it being suddenly I just feel it wasn’t right. I know the doctors exhausted every single effort, that’s why I never let them see my anger. But I so badly just wanted something or someone to blame anything. I still hold onto that anger today, that’s why I went back to my therapist to try and work through it. But the donation Center CORE directed me here to maybe connect with people who are going through the same grief.

[KayC]

And there are plenty of people here grieving the loss of their parent.  If you interact on their threads, they will on yours also.  My husband's was in June also, so was his death date.

Let it out, let it all out.

(((hugs)))