I lost my boyfriend 1week ago

[Anie2505]

I lost my boyfriend recently, he was my support system, my friend , my best friend my everything, now it’s very much difficult for me to thing about anything and my situation now is my mom is suffering from cancer stage 3, he was supporting me so much but suddenly he had brain stroke was in coma for the last 1month but recently he passed away, it’s like I am having a dream a nightmare that I cannot wake up from, everything reminds me of him literally everything, I was with him from last 8years I was all dependent on him , he has loved me care for being there for me everytime, now I am at my lowest I need him the most but he is not there , I have to look after my mom but it seems like I am lost, I cannot sleep , I cannot eat I don’t want to talk with anyone, all I think about it’s him, I miss him everyday, every minute and every second, he was my support system since he is gone I am lost, I just wish this was all dream and he comes back to me 

[KayC]

It's the hardest thing in the world to lose our person...I know, it's been 19 years mine's been gone.  It helps to come here to read and post.  

Wow, to go through this with your mom, and your BF, that is a lot.  

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BohoKat]

21 hours ago, Anie2505 said:

I lost my boyfriend recently, he was my support system, my friend , my best friend my everything, now it’s very much difficult for me to thing about anything and my situation now is my mom is suffering from cancer stage 3, he was supporting me 

I am so sorry for your loss and also your mom’s cancer. It is so hard when your partner was your support system. Hang in there and continue to read and post. There are a lot of caring people here to help you.

I can relate to your situation so much. I have a mental health condition and my husband was my primary support. I felt so lost when he passed away. My adult daughter tries her best to fill the gap but we were married a long time and he was there through the diagnosis and years of difficulty. It is hard but I have learned to lean on her and some good close friends. Please don’t isolate yourself, try to reach out when you can.

i wish you peace and strength through your struggles.