Four years and still in pain.

[Dawn Wms]

It has been over four years and I am still struggling so.  I just got back from a family reunion on my husband's side and I can't stop crying.  He should have been there too.  I hear about people who have moved on, who have found new loves and I wonder, how?  I can't even think about that.  But I am struggling so.  Can't stop crying even though it has been more than four years.  How do you do it?  Please someone tell me how do you do it?  I have worked, retired, travelled.  None of these have helped.  How do you do it?  I am so miserable I can't stand it and I don't want to live.  I am afraid I will really not make it.  I will take my own life.  I am desperate.  

[KayC]

Dawn, take one day at a time, one hour if need be, but stay in today.  For me the first five years were the hardest, Gail too.  Try to find or create something that fulfills you just a bit, don't compare it to before, enjoy it for what it is.  Please don't take your life!  That's a permanent situation to a temporary problem.  I know you don't view it as temporary, I didn't either in the early years...yes we have to live w/o them but as we begin to realize our identity separate and apart from them and view our own strength on our own, well that helps.  Does everything seem empty?  Then try something else.  

I am content living alone, with my dog, I get so much pleasure from him, I will have a hard time when he dies, but that'll be a few years yet and I try not to think about it, stay in today.

If it gets bad, call a suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 , see a counselor!   Please, don't give up, this is one of the hardest journeys I've been on, and I've no idea why some of us have to do this and some don't.  Some things I don't try to figure out.

[Dawn Wms]

Thank you for your encouraging words.  I will keep trying, somehow.  

[BohoKat]

I agree with  @KayC so much. I have bipolar disorder and have dealt with suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts.

Please see someone and don’t be afraid of medication, it doesn’t always have to be long term and can bring relief. I was afraid of medication when I was first diagnosed (years ago) but it gave good results.

I lost my husband 3 years ago so I know how much it can still hurt. Please take care of yourself and I wish you peace and strength in your struggle.

[Mojo]

On 8/11/2024 at 10:10 PM, Dawn Wms said:

It has been over four years and I am still struggling so.  I just got back from a family reunion on my husband's side and I can't stop crying.  He should have been there too.  I hear about people who have moved on, who have found new loves and I wonder, how?  I can't even think about that.  But I am struggling so.  Can't stop crying even though it has been more than four years.  How do you do it?  Please someone tell me how do you do it?  I have worked, retired, travelled.  None of these have helped.  How do you do it?  I am so miserable I can't stand it and I don't want to live.  I am afraid I will really not make it.  I will take my own life.  I am desperate.  

You know, we all have probably had those thoughts, even if we don’t want to admit it.

But we are still here.

Checking out is not a solution. 988 is the suicide hotline number in Washington. I urge you to call if you are in distress.

I can't tell you how many times I yelled at the ceiling, challenging God to strike me down, and take me instead of my wife.  But God - or fate -apparently doesn’t work that way.

So we are left to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. I know. I’ve lived it. It hurts. I still cry when thinking about her almost every day, 3 1/2 years later.

You asked how we cope. The way I cope is spending a lot of time with our kids and grandchildren. And our neighbors and good friends. They all want me to be able to get past my loss and be happy. You and I know that’s not easy to do, but I try to put on a happy face, put one foot In front of the other, and make it through the day.

I’ve heard that you should fake it till you make it. That’s been what I’ve been trying to do, and I’ve found that I have more good days than bad.

And the saying - “Attitude is Everything “ has a lot of merit. Choose to be positive, and you might find positive outcomes.

I’ll be pulling for you to find an equilibrium in your life.

[KayC]

10 hours ago, BohoKat said:

Please see someone and don’t be afraid of medication

Yes.

[LMR]

Dawn, please don't take any drastic action. Talk to somebody. We have been on the same path as this week will be the fourth anniversary of the loss of my soul mate. I am still struggling as well. I just can't make sense of it. I suppose I haven't got to that "acceptance" stage yet. A few weeks ago I took the plunge and started counseling. I had been to someone else before but didn't get much out of it other than an opportunity to talk about my love. My new counselor is great, we definitely have a connection and I know that my husband would have got on really well with him. So I would say please persevere, if the first person is a poor fit, try someone else.

Just this morning I was saying to myself "I can't do this anymore", but here I am soldiering on. At my initial assessment I was asked about thoughts of suicide. I told him straight away, that won't happen. We don't know how the universe works, if there is an afterlife, if there is a heaven and a hell and what that would mean for us. We don't know, so anything is possible. Hope that there may yet be more for us together in the future is all we have to cling to. I told him that I could never take the risk of suicide putting me in a different place to wherever my love has gone. I cannot take that chance.

Nobody here talks about him and I find that is part of what makes it so hard. I wonder if you are experiencing the same. Try and find someone to reminisce with. The tears will still come but they will come with a mixture of sadness and love not just longing and regret. At least that is my experience so far.

I hope this a little help for you. 🤗

[KayC]

On 8/12/2024 at 8:32 AM, Dawn Wms said:

Thank you for your encouraging words.  I will keep trying, somehow.  

Yes, keep on keeping on!

[DWS]

22 hours ago, LMR said:

Nobody here talks about him and I find that is part of what makes it so hard. I wonder if you are experiencing the same.

That is something that really stings so much in all of this. Here we are facing the greatest challenge ever in our lives dealing with partners and spouses' absences and on top of that, we have to deal with losing their presence in our everyday associations with the people we're left with! Occasionally, I have to explain why I'm not going out more or why I avoid certain things which then reveals a bit of my continual grief to a family member or friend. It's frustrating and maddening that carrying grief eventually becomes this private thing over the years...almost like a secret that we can only reveal to someone safe. But it's not shame that keeps it a secret. It's understanding our control and power of this in protecting what is most important and valued...the love of our person plus honouring that pairing of two lives. At times, I weaken to what society asks of me or wants of me now but I do feel I gain control when I remind myself that this most personal loss is significant and continues to hurt. It's a wound that no one sees. 

[KayC]

IMO my friend Iris is running from it.  It may catch up to her.  She snuck her "donations" over to my FREE sign (aka garbage I had to throw away) and in it I saw Mike's razor.  It rained a bit on it, I took it inside to see if it'd charge and work.  It did.  I didn't throw it away.  Would I give it back if she asked for it?  You Betcha.

[Mojo]

22 hours ago, DWS said:

That is something that really stings so much in all of this. Here we are facing the greatest challenge ever in our lives dealing with partners and spouses' absences and on top of that, we have to deal with losing their presence in our everyday associations with the people we're left with! Occasionally, I have to explain why I'm not going out more or why I avoid certain things which then reveals a bit of my continual grief to a family member or friend. It's frustrating and maddening that carrying grief eventually becomes this private thing over the years...almost like a secret that we can only reveal to someone safe. But it's not shame that keeps it a secret. It's understanding our control and power of this in protecting what is most important and valued...the love of our person plus honouring that pairing of two lives. At times, I weaken to what society asks of me or wants of me now but I do feel I gain control when I remind myself that this most personal loss is significant and continues to hurt. It's a wound that no one sees. 

Very well stated. It’s so true.

By now, everyone thinks I’m good to go.

They have no idea.

[DWS]

52 minutes ago, Mojo said:

By now, everyone thinks I’m good to go.

They have no idea.

This scenario really does make us end up in a real challenge. We carry on and learn to carry our grief...concealing it in certain ways because we have to. We can't meet the world with a continually sad and empty face and outlook. I suppose, essentially, we could but we know that others in our lives are hoping to see us out of the dark clouds. So we do this which then results in those around us feeling relieved that, as you say, we're "good to go". Meanwhile, I'm wanting to shout out to the world "no, I'm not good to go. I hurt and still miss him every single day. Don't ever think that I'm over it!"

[KayC]

Even at over 19 years, I can attest we never stop missing them.  It's really hard when I'm going through something and we aren't able to weather the storm together.

[WithoutHer]

2 hours ago, DWS said:

This scenario really does make us end up in a real challenge. We carry on and learn to carry our grief...concealing it in certain ways because we have to. We can't meet the world with a continually sad and empty face and outlook. I suppose, essentially, we could but we know that others in our lives are hoping to see us out of the dark clouds. So we do this which then results in those around us feeling relieved that, as you say, we're "good to go". Meanwhile, I'm wanting to shout out to the world "no, I'm not good to go. I hurt and still miss him every single day. Don't ever think that I'm over it!"

While reading this I was thinking about my own situation being alone and really no one to hide it from. However when I go out to a doctors appointment or the pharmacy or a short store run I know my face doesn't hide my grief. I will take any opportunity to discuss it with any discussion I can slip it into. The doctors office is of course an easy and understanding place. However I've had the opportunity with store clerks and even random customers and if they are listening it's usually someone who has lost a family member at the least. It's rare but it happens and I feel no reason to hide it. If someone backs off when it starts that's too bad but this is my life now. Crossing paths with someone who relates is comfort and therapy rolled together. I'm not moving forward or from it I'm living right in the middle of it and that's where I'm staying. I've found my own path to live with it as best I can and carry Vickie with me on my shoulders. I've become stubborn about it and my ears shut out advice about how I could improve my situation. I don't want to hear it. Wear my shoes and my overall life experience then you have a right to advise me.

[RichS]

On 8/13/2024 at 1:08 PM, KayC said:

Yes, keep on keeping on!

Today was the 2nd anniversary of Chris's passing. Thought I'd get through it OK, but both Ross and I had some nagging thoughts. Mine were about jealousy (jealousy about others still having their spouses). Also some general, unexplained mild anger. What brought this one? For a moment I thought, "Oh no, do I need to have my anti-depression medication tweaked?"

Through it all I was able to get our ballgame outing organized for Saturday and did some score keeping tonight. On the way home Ross and I discussed our feelings and I reassured him that we both had some form of an anniversary reaction. Still, thoughts that you normally don't experience can be scary; but I'm sure most of you will tell me "welcome to the club."

[LMR]

4 years today. Where did all that time go? How come I am still here? I thought I would just fade away, though I suppose I have, just not in the way I expected. 

Should have had counseling today but it was cancelled so if I want to talk about him I'm going to have to force myself on someone. It really shouldn't be like this. I asked my counselor last week, how do I go from existing to living? We were going to talk about it today. I guess I will have to talk to the cat.

[KayC]

Oh Rich, so hard to get through anv. of death.  (((Hugs)))

LMR, I'm sorry your counseling was canceled, it sounds like you really could have used that session!  We may be part of their job, but we count on them!

[DWS]

5 hours ago, LMR said:

I asked my counselor last week, how do I go from existing to living? We were going to talk about it today. I guess I will have to talk to the cat.

It's certainly a good question to discuss so maybe those of us here can offer and gain some insight. Over the past couple of weeks, I summed things up by saying to myself  that I need something that makes life worthwhile again. I have my cat, an old house and gardens to attend to but it just doesn't feel like enough. Maybe it's a matter of changing the way that I'm looking at things and telling myself it is enough but grief and emptiness continue to stand in the way.  I will say that I haven't given up hope that I will find something worthwhile in time.

Hugs to you on this sad day. I think the anniversary dates are the most confusing days to meet. Numbness seems to be my way of coping with them. 

[April Ballou]

7 hours ago, LMR said:

4 years today. Where did all that time go? How come I am still here? I thought I would just fade away, though I suppose I have, just not in the way I expected. 

Should have had counseling today but it was cancelled so if I want to talk about him I'm going to have to force myself on someone. It really shouldn't be like this. I asked my counselor last week, how do I go from existing to living? We were going to talk about it today. I guess I will have to talk to the cat.

I understand where you are coming from completely.   September 7 will be 4 years for me.  I should be the one that died not him.  Everyone would be better off.  I'm just a bother to people.   They put up with me just because I force myself on them.  But that's not gonna happen anymore.  I'm always the one to text someone.   Nobody truly cares not even my children.   I just want to disappear.   Noone would even miss me.

[LMR]

It seems that nobody else remembered. This is what I hate the most.

It was an ok day. I took my sister out for lunch and we walked the dog together  but I had to initiate it. It was a distraction more than anything else. I guess it's unfair to complain that she didn't mention him because I didn't either but I am thinking of him constantly and so I sort of assume that she knows I'm thinking about him but maybe she doesn't. On the other hand she knows I'm going to counseling. The pain is invisible to everyone else.

[LMR]

I was wrong.  My sister just passed me a message from one of my nephews to say he was thinking of me today. So she must be too. They just don't know how to tell you.

 

 

[April Ballou]

I know what you are talking about.  It seems like I'm the only one that thinks about my husband.   If it's alright with you I would like to get to know you better.  We can email or text or whatever makes you comfortable.   No pressure. 

Just now, LMR said:

I was wrong.  My sister just passed me a message from one of my nephews to say he was thinking of me today. So she must be too. They just don't know how to tell you.

 

 

 

Yeah they want to just keep going like nothing happened 

[DWS]

17 hours ago, LMR said:

I was wrong.  My sister just passed me a message from one of my nephews to say he was thinking of me today. So she must be too. They just don't know how to tell you.

That is wonderful. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that they do have the most terrible loss in your life still on their minds. I think, at times, just having our continual grief acknowledged is helpful.  

[KayC]

Good to hear! For all of   that's not so, but glad for some it is.  A good reminder that some don't know how to broach the subject or express what's on their heart.

[LMR]

2 hours ago, DWS said:

That is wonderful. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that they do have the most terrible loss in your life still on their minds. I think, at times, just having our continual grief acknowledged is helpful.  

It helps a little but it's not enough is it? Like today there was a festival in town. Nothing big but it's a sunny day so we went down for a wander then walked the dog by the river. It seems pleasant enough but its empty. Now I'm home and I just want to scream but I can't can I? That wouldn't be fair

[KayC]

Wouldn't be fair to whom?  If you want to scream, go ahead!

[WithoutHer]

3 hours ago, LMR said:

It helps a little but it's not enough is it? Like today there was a festival in town. Nothing big but it's a sunny day so we went down for a wander then walked the dog by the river. It seems pleasant enough but its empty. Now I'm home and I just want to scream but I can't can I? That wouldn't be fair

I know that emptiness. In town there's a lock and tow path from the C&O canal along the Potomac river.  Vickie and I would walk it together under the canopy of trees that shades it.I can no longer go there or through the large railroad yard parking lot where the access road is.

[LMR]

On 8/17/2024 at 7:34 PM, KayC said:

Wouldn't be fair to whom?  If you want to scream, go ahead!

My sister. She's a very quiet person so it's actually hard to know what is going on in her head. I don't want to cause her distress plus I have guilt about having had a happy life, I honestly don't know if she's been happy.

[LMR]

I got through the 4th anniversary but the last couple of days have been really hard. It all seems so pointless, why bother doing anything?

I am back to that feeling like he never existed and by extension our life together never happened. I feel so useless. 

[KayC]

Oh they existed alright. Whenever I've felt like that I look at his handwriting, can look at his birth certificate, your marriage certificate.  I have a couple of notes he wrote me just above my computer hutch.

I remember you moved to be with your sister, I'm sorry she's not happy.  But don't feel guilty because you have been.  Happiness is a state of the mind each person must find for themselves, a lot of times it's not circumstances but inner tranquility.  Maybe get your sister to go on walks with you, I find it helps to get out and walk every day, one thing that's been hard to do with the smoke in the air because I won't take my dog out in it if it's over 200 and it's been over 700 at times in the last five weeks.  I can wear a mask but he can't.  

[April Ballou]

6 hours ago, LMR said:

I got through the 4th anniversary but the last couple of days have been really hard. It all seems so pointless, why bother doing anything?

I am back to that feeling like he never existed and by extension our life together never happened. I feel so useless. 

I understand.   I could die and who would even notice or care?  I don't have anyone that cares about me.  My husband was the only one.  Why am I here and why is he gone? 

[WithoutHer]

2 hours ago, April Ballou said:

I understand.   I could die and who would even notice or care?  I don't have anyone that cares about me.  My husband was the only one.  Why am I here and why is he gone? 

I'm in the same boat and feel the same and ask the same question. Were I gone Vickie would have family in Alabama to return to and embrace her in her grief.

[KayC]

Oh you two are not alone in how you're feeling!

 

[April Ballou]

I know you have been through the same thing @KayC.  It's not any fun at all.  September 7 is right around the corner.   Some days it seems alot longer than four years but then other days it seems like it was just yesterday.   

[KayC]

Yes, I celebrate all of these days alone.  I'd hoped it would be different for you, April.  😔

[April Ballou]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Yes, I celebrate all of these days alone.  I'd hoped it would be different for you, April.  😔

My children are grown and have lives of their own.  The only thing we have been do together,  we go to Galveston either on Darrells birthday or close to it.  That's where we spread his ashes in the ocean.  Other than that I am all alone.  But I have God.

[JCDV]

@Dawn Wms,

Please don't do it. I completely understand your situation, having lost my husband. I just want you to know that sometimes being around my husband's family and friends actually makes me feel worse. It's just a reminder that physically he is not there. I understand. Just remember, he would not want you to take your own life.  The pain is  unbelievably brutal. I know. But, who says you need to "move on" by now? There is no timeframe for grief.  Just know your husband will always be with you.  Do something in his honor, if you can. Write him a letter.  Talk to him out loud. 

Please, please don't take your life. Speak to a grief counsellor. Find a grief support group in your area. Call 988 whenever you feel that way. God bless you! Keep us informed on this forum. We are all here for you!

[Gail 8588]

@Dawn Wms

Dawn,

I was right where you are at 4 years.  I felt I couldn't  go on. But I did. I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

I recommend you volunteer at something that can bring you joy.  If you enjoyed animals, volunteer at an animal shelter,  if you loved books , volunteer at a library.  My sister in law volunteered at a NICU to rock babies that needed the calming touch of a mother.  An Aunt of mine who loved antiques worked for free, a few hours each day, in an antique shop owned by a young women who was barely scraping by. My Aunt knew so much about all the antiques she really trained the young shop owner.  A museum, a state or local park, so many places that would be grateful for a volunteer.

It's  hard right now, because everything feels pointless.  But it is a pathway back to caring again.

Hang in there.  You can find your way back to a life that feels worthwhile. 

I am at 7.5 years now.  I still miss my husband, and think I always will. But I have a good life.  I am glad I am still here. 

[RichS]

11 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

It's  hard right now, because everything feels pointless.  But it is a pathway back to caring again. Hang in there.  You can find your way back to a life that feels worthwhile. I am at 7.5 years now.  I still miss my husband, and think I always will. But I have a good life.  I am glad I am still here.

Gail:  I'm glad that you've moved forward with your life. It took awhile, but it sounds like you've helped yourself along the way. I'm only at 2 years now, but still don't know what I want in the future other than taking care of my son. Maybe the light bulb will turn on somewhere down the line.

[Gail 8588]

RichS,

Taking care of your son is more than enough for you to focus on.  Being there for him, day in and day out, takes an enormous amount of effort. 

In my case, my children were grown, I was retired from work, I needed to create a reason to get out of bed and out of the house.  I had too much time to grieve. You are in an entirely different situation. 

You are doing great just making a good life for you and your son.  The future will come in due time.

[Bou]

On 8/11/2024 at 11:10 PM, Dawn Wms said:

It has been over four years and I am still struggling so.  I just got back from a family reunion on my husband's side and I can't stop crying.  He should have been there too.  I hear about people who have moved on, who have found new loves and I wonder, how?  I can't even think about that.  But I am struggling so.  Can't stop crying even though it has been more than four years.  How do you do it?  Please someone tell me how do you do it?  I have worked, retired, travelled.  None of these have helped.  How do you do it?  I am so miserable I can't stand it and I don't want to live.  I am afraid I will really not make it.  I will take my own life.  I am desperate.  

Please don't.  I am a survivor for a loved one who committed suicide.  I live that pain everyday. Your pain will end, everyone else around you will feel your pain for the rest of their lives. Do you want that for others? Please get help if you are truly at this point.  Talk with someone.  Anyone.

Break it down into more manageable pieces and deal with one thing at a time.  I keep busy that is how I do it.  I struggle to find joy in everything but when I do....when I do.... I embrace the hell out of it.  Because that minuscule  moment is everything.  Its healing.  Your loved one would want you to be healing and living your life to its fullest.  How lucky your are to be retired, and travel.  I love traveling.  I don't know if I ever will be able to retire.   Find yourself.  What makes you tick.  What do you like.  If you have too much time in your own head.....volunteer, join a group, take on a new hobby,get a pet,  help others.  

Hope this helps, hope you come back here and share your journey.  The good and the bad.  We all struggle 

[foreverhis]

On 8/16/2024 at 12:23 PM, LMR said:

I was wrong.  My sister just passed me a message from one of my nephews to say he was thinking of me today. So she must be too. They just don't know how to tell you.

 

 

 

This right here is what I believe to be one of the most frustrating parts of grieving.  Most societies, certainly mine here in the US, absolutely suck at handling death and grief.  We're not "taught" what to expect; we're not shown how to be supportive, especially what not to do or say; we're expected to just pick up and carry on, and those who are left behind are expected to go through some neat little "stages of grief" and come out the other side all fine again.  And so, people don't know what to say.  Often they say nothing because they're afraid of saying the wrong thing.  It's hard to explain to others that words do not exist in most languages to describe the depth and weight of this kind of grief.

[ShawnC]

This string shows the many paths of grief . Same emotion but the varied ways people cope gives me great hope that I will find a path that I can live with. How do we find peace , contentment or real joy ? How did we find it before? I have this before and after way of thinking ;complicated by the fact that I am no longer the man I was and missing my most cherished love who could help me find my best self with her soft words or a good kick( depending on circumstance) I try and listen for her but seem to mostly fail. 

We had a very close friend commit suicide ( I grew up with him, my wife knew him for 20+ years) I never forgave him, the devastation he left behind is horrific. Of course in my misery I have thought of it but even if it ended my pain ( not certain if we continue in some form) it only spreads the pain to others who love me. So I do day by day , hour by hour and when it is at its worst minute by minute. Life goes on wether we want it to or not.

That was the long way around to say hang on any way you can and tomorrow or the next day will bring a bit of joy.

[KayC]

It is very heartbreaking for those left behind to deal with suicide aftermath.  It's the most selfish act one can commit.  That said, it does no good to be angry with someone for it, although very understandably, because they obviously weren't thinking of the heartbreak and chaos they put their family and friends into, they were just wanting out of their pain.  I went through this with some lifelong friendsThthat I worked for.  I'd been their son, Bobby's sunday school teacher when he was a child and known him all his life as well as worked with him for years.  He was going to see his therapist on Monday and get different medication.  He couldn't wait one more day, he commit suicide in his truck, his dog beside him.  His mom was allergic and they couldn't take in the dog so he had to be rehomed.  Can you imagine the trauma it caused that dog?  His sister was getting married the next month.  It put the whole family through so much!  Their church told them he wouldn't go to heaven!  They got a good counselor and found another church, so did I when I went through a divorce.  I can't tell you the immense pain we all went through.  

I think most of us grievers have "felt like" committing suicide at some point.  I got rid of my gun that I had for protection, not so much for now but who knows what I'll face on down the road.  I don't want that as an option.  Trust me, it's not.

Suicide: Read This First
Thoughts Of Suicide in Grief
Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide
International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) - Resources: Crisis Centers

 

21 minutes ago, ShawnC said:

That was the long way around to say hang on any way you can and tomorrow or the next day will bring a bit of joy.

Exactly!  I'm glad you're back Shawn!

[Bou]

3 hours ago, ShawnC said:

This string shows the many paths of grief . Same emotion but the varied ways people cope gives me great hope that I will find a path that I can live with. How do we find peace , contentment or real joy ? How did we find it before? I have this before and after way of thinking ;complicated by the fact that I am no longer the man I was and missing my most cherished love who could help me find my best self with her soft words or a good kick( depending on circumstance) I try and listen for her but seem to mostly fail. 

We had a very close friend commit suicide ( I grew up with him, my wife knew him for 20+ years) I never forgave him, the devastation he left behind is horrific. Of course in my misery I have thought of it but even if it ended my pain ( not certain if we continue in some form) it only spreads the pain to others who love me. So I do day by day , hour by hour and when it is at its worst minute by minute. Life goes on wether we want it to or not.

That was the long way around to say hang on any way you can and tomorrow or the next day will bring a bit of joy.

This was worded so well.  Exactly what I do when I am at my lowest.  I hang on.  I start with a minute, sometimes seconds, then 15, 30 etc...     I had to forgive because it was eating me up.  I felt it was my fault for many years.  If I had this and if I had that.  There is nothing anyone is going to do to stop a person that is at that level if their mind is made up.  I also didn't know what I didn't know.  The pain does spread on to others for a lifetime.   I carry it with me every single day.  My life changed that day.  It has effected my life for 40 years now.  I do go back to stinking thinking from time to time until I come to my sense and talk myself ......copying skill......talk myself to my senses that it was not my fault.  It was most likely a quick fix to problems that could have been worked through or managed with a couple of more seconds of thought for others and what the impact would leave on those left behind.        Grab those tiny moments of joy and let them grow to bigger moments of joy.  Not to say life is going to be all crumpets and daisys there will be trying times but work through them, find solutions or just let be and wait for the next rainbow, the next wee moment of joy.  

 

[Bou]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Their church told them he wouldn't go to heaven!  

Back when I did go to church.  I no longer go.  I remember hearing this.  I also heard that all family of the one that killed himself would not go to heaven as well.  I thought I was doomed for HELL for a very long time.   I probably am lol...... but not for that.  ((kidding))   I can remember some of the elders in the bible study looking down on me like I sure got the short stick......   no freaking way.  I over came that fanatical thinking.  Peoples words can have horrible effects on us.    

Suicide is mental illness.  Our country needs a huge revamp on helping people struggling with mental illness and taking the stigmas away that are preventing people for seeking out help.  Should be a top priority.  

[KayC]

It does depend on the church (I used to go to the Nazarene but no longer do).  Baptist would never say something like that to someone!

[RichS]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Baptist would never say something like that to someone

The Catholics would probably attend the church services, go to the funeral parlor, pay their sincere respects, go home and then forget about it. I used to be ONE OF THEM..................until it happened to me personally. Now I look at the whole grieving experience in a different light...............................

[April Ballou]

Well here I am.  Life keeps going.  Four years ago my best friend,  my husband, my everything died.  Not quite sure how I have made it this far except for God.  I was reading some of the previous posts and it's sad that the world is the way it is.  The crazy thing is September 6, 2012 I had a motorcycle accident.   I broke my left leg, my left pelvis, and my left wrist.  I was care flighted to the hospital.   Spent 5 weeks in the hospital .  But here I am.  God brought me every step of the way.  He is all I have.  God didn't take my husband,  but God received him.  I don't like this lonely life, but I'm here.  I tell anyone I can about God.  Because He loves us all.  

[KayC]

I was thinking about you this morning, hadn't made it here yet.  Thinking of you...these days can be hard, or a time of remembrance, not of their death, or how hard that day was for us, but of their life and how good it was we were blessed with them, for whatever time we had together.  God bless you.