Its too quiet & I miss you all!

[KayC]

At first the fires smoke, power being out and evacuation all distracted me...somewhere in this week were all the changes to this site's format.  Is anyone else having a time navigating through this?  Maybe I'm just slow.

Having my Stress thread moved without telling me beforehand was disconcerting too.  I have a hard time finding it, somewhere around Chit Chat, IDK.

But it seems no one is posting.  At first I thought I just wasn't finding it.  I'm not finding anything by any of you!  It feels like twilight zone.  
I miss you all.

Got woke up by little skunk.  Changed Panther's water afterwards.

Jewels' eye not looking well.  She loved on me a lot yesterday.

Living alone so many years...wondering how many more before I can go be with George.  I miss him.

 

[tlc]

Hi Kay, I'm still here. In the background. After 6 years and four months. Don't know how, don't know why but you get that eh!

 I think that some of us from years back and still in pain but nevertheless somehow still here and surviving, check in from time to time. This was a very important community for us in those very dark early days. And you Kay, were always there for us and I thank you so much! 

Me, well I'm just living my last days as peacefully as I can until I am reunited with the love of my life. I know that you can relate to that Kay. It's not easy though!

[KayC]

Yep!  No matter how many years go by!  We only had each other 6 1/2 years, it's been three times that he's been gone...but when it's your person, you know and I miss him still, no matter how many years go by.  The last six weeks I've had my eye issue that was horrific and painful, may have to have surgery, ears blocked totally (they unplugged the one with a small canal, the other I may go back for), a stye in the other eye, attacked by a pit bull, my pup stung on the eye by a yellowjacket and no vet had an opening, fires all around me and air quality over 700, my home in danger of fires, have had to evacuate twice...dealing with all of these things alone, w/o George beside me.  And yes, those are the times you are so aware they are absent.  I know all of us have physical things we deal with without our partner, I am just glad it is me and not George going through this.  He is safe and happy and years are but a moment in time to him.  It's me that does the waiting.  And I remind myself, it is one day at a time.

[DWS]

No posts on this forum for two days seemed bizarre. Over the two plus years that I've been here, I don't think there was ever silence here even one day let alone two.

Things got very busy for me with work this past week which, as we all like to think, is a good thing....distraction to get us out of our melancholy, pensive thoughts. I'm still not totally convinced on that but halfway through the week, I started getting a slight headache. It was a familiar one...one that seems to alleviate only by tears. And that's what happened just before I had dinner yesterday. What triggered it was a news story of a woman who has been finding four-leaf clover popping up in her backyard. She clearly sees it as signs from her mother. I completely lost it and sobbed for a couple of minutes. Then it was over until the next time.  The headache was gone too.

Here is the story from Vancouver. Not sure if only Canadians can view it or not. 

https://bc.ctvnews.ca/sign-from-the-heavens-after-mom-s-death-b-c-woman-discovers-313-four-leaf-clovers-in-backyard-1.6995098#:~:text='Sign from the heavens'%3A,four-leaf clovers in backyard&text=Julie Barr will never forget,“This is great!”

[KayC]

No, I can read it!  Thank you for sharing it with us.  Reminds me of when I left my car off at the repair and was walking back to the church for my volunteer job, and I saw a pansy (George and my flower, he called it the smiling flower) growing in between the cement slabs of the sidewalk.  Mind you, I took that as a real sign everything was going to be okay.

A year after his death I found a pansy growing under the corner of the patio (8 ft below). It had made it through several feet of snow, the seed must have dropped from the patio.  It was on the anv. of his death!  I also took that as a sign that he was with me.  And the preying mantis on the house!  And the dragonfly on my front door.  The triple rainbow on my way down the mountain, like the one when he died.  I had a lot of these happen and each one was so special.  But none like the night I tried to get help from the soc. sec. office, I was broke and needed to file but the employee was more interested in getting off work and said I must wait through the three day weekend...anyone who knows my anxiety and how long I held for her...but when I hung up, I laid down on the bed, I don't recall if I was crying or not, but I felt George's hand on my shoulder/back area. There was no mistaking it.  It assured me all weekend and when Tuesday rolled around I got the nicest guy on the phone and he filed for me, deducting for Medicare and everything.  Sometimes their assurance is all we need to still our beating heart.

[LMR]

I have noticed too. I check in most days but lately the talk has not been so much about our grieving, not like it was when I joined up 4 years ago. It's hard sometimes when you just think "I have nothing useful to add to that" but I have missed everyone.

[ThereIsAField]

Hi... I'm in hospital with a slipped disc right now and both my dad and my dog have received cancer diagnoses... So things have been busy... but I'm still reading along... I'm also doing a Ketamine treatment because of the depression I slipped into during grieving and that seems to be helping... Maybe also a reason why I'm posting less about grief atm...

[Gail 8588]

Hello all, 

I have not been on the site as much as usual this week. Busy with Hurricane Debby for a few days. After that I have been the daycare for my 2 grandsons  4 of the past 5 days and have fallen asleep exhausted. 

Kindergarten starts on Monday and the 2 year old will return to preschool also. (The preschool closed for a few days to give their teachers a short break before the new school year starts.)

Being optimistic, maybe folks have been watching the Olympics.  A nice distraction from our grief.  The Olymics have felt a bit like time travel back to a simpler less stressful era. 

 

[KayC]

10 hours ago, ThereIsAField said:

Hi... I'm in hospital with a slipped disc right now and both my dad and my dog have received cancer diagnoses

I'm so sorry!  Added to my prayers. 

[RichS]

On 8/10/2024 at 10:30 AM, KayC said:

And yes, those are the times you are so aware they are absent.  I know all of us have physical things we deal with without our partner,

I've been having similar feelings myself, Kay; especially now that my upcoming back surgery will be in September. I hope my cousin can make it (for the 4-6 days I'm in the hospital); otherwise I'll have to postpone surgery again. It's strange having to go it alone without your spouse. It makes you feel ALONE, even though I'm not lonely. Then again, today is not a good day to rant. It's two years since Chris's passing. What should I expect?

[KayC]

I hope your cousin can make it, I have no one and do my darndest to stay away from hospitals.  But I know that won't work forever.

[P777]

On 8/10/2024 at 11:15 AM, KayC said:

At first the fires smoke, power being out and evacuation all distracted me...somewhere in this week were all the changes to this site's format.  Is anyone else having a time navigating through this?  Maybe I'm just slow.

Having my Stress thread moved without telling me beforehand was disconcerting too.  I have a hard time finding it, somewhere around Chit Chat, IDK.

But it seems no one is posting.  At first I thought I just wasn't finding it.  I'm not finding anything by any of you!  It feels like twilight zone.  
I miss you all.

Got woke up by little skunk.  Changed Panther's water afterwards.

Jewels' eye not looking well.  She loved on me a lot yesterday.

Living alone so many years...wondering how many more before I can go be with George.  I miss him.

 

Hi Kay, I am still, although still new to this world at 5.5 months in...

You must be 19.5 years in. So admirable to us all I can safety say.

Best wishes

[Bou]

I am still not the best at navigating the forums.  I come on and just read what interest me.  Last week I was off.  I come in and out as I can and what I like best is no commitment here.  Can  take right off like I never left.  I am busier then others some weeks so I just do what I can.  After having a week off and then going back to work I have the blues.  Missing him as always.