Mornings are the worst

[ElaineG]

I’m still in very early days. It hasn’t been 3 weeks since my husband passed, but I just wanted to comment about waking up in the morning. I am sure we all know this feeling well. I’ll make it through the day relatively okay. I am able to self-soothe, pray, meditate and tell myself I will get through this one baby step at a time. I am able to fall asleep at night now. But when I wake up it’s like “POW!!!” All the pain, anxiety, fear, sadness and loneliness hits me full on like a Mack truck right into my heart. I can’t breathe. I know this too will pass, but in the meantime, waking up is the absolute worst. 

[shawnt]

Agreed!!!

Much better when I am a little late and have to rush around. Doesn't give me any time to dwell. 

[Boggled]

I am so sorry you are going through this, ElaineG.  It is TERRIBLE and HARD.  I am glad you mention that:

2 hours ago, ElaineG said:

I’ll make it through the day relatively okay. I am able to self-soothe, pray, meditate and tell myself I will get through this one baby step at a time. I am able to fall asleep at night now.

it is so very terribly awful.  You found this site early on, good!   it can hopefully help you, at least somewhat.  

[KayC]

We feel for you, we all remember those early days when we haven't had time to absorb it, let alone process it.  One day at a time, sometimes one minute or even just a moment...

[P777]

6 hours ago, ElaineG said:

I’m still in very early days. It hasn’t been 3 weeks since my husband passed, but I just wanted to comment about waking up in the morning. I am sure we all know this feeling well. I’ll make it through the day relatively okay. I am able to self-soothe, pray, meditate and tell myself I will get through this one baby step at a time. I am able to fall asleep at night now. But when I wake up it’s like “POW!!!” All the pain, anxiety, fear, sadness and loneliness hits me full on like a Mack truck right into my heart. I can’t breathe. I know this too will pass, but in the meantime, waking up is the absolute worst. 

I am sorry for you. Nights are the worst for me. My Wife passed away, at nighttime. Once I used to look forward to the nighttime, now its the opposite.

Mornings are ok.

You will be in shock for months. I still am and its nearly 5 months. Disbelief more than anything.

 

[widower2]

Bedtime is my "bad" time as well. Just another way that shows us how we're all different and it attacks us in different ways. 

Elaine, I won't tell you it ever gets easy, but realistically it WILL get easiER. I know it may seem impossible now, but better days lay ahead. 

[ElaineG]

Yes, I agree with all of you that nights are extremely painful, but for some reason, it’s the morning when I wake up and my brain has to register all over again that my husband is gone and my life as I knew it is over is what I’m really struggling with. I’m still in disbelief as P777 said and I know it will take time…probably a long time.

[DWS]

1 hour ago, ElaineG said:

but for some reason, it’s the morning when I wake up and my brain has to register all over again that my husband is gone and my life as I knew it is over is what I’m really struggling with. I’m still in disbelief as P777 said and I know it will take time…probably a long time.

In my early grief during an initial session with my grief counselor, I mentioned to her how intense the mornings were for me and how I needed the quiet during that time because of the chaos happening in my mind. I have a small business out of my home and during one of those mornings, I had a customer who was going to stop by to pick up her order which was never any problem before my loss but it was so disruptive back then. My counselor suggested that wherever possible to try to keep the mornings to myself in my schedule for the day. As she noted, the quiet mornings were an essential time for me and it was something noteworthy that I was doing out of love for myself. I am still committed to do that. It's my time to honour what once was.

[ElaineG]

6 minutes ago, DWS said:

In my early grief during an initial session with my grief counselor, I mentioned to her how intense the mornings were for me and how I needed the quiet during that time because of the chaos happening in my mind. I have a small business out of my home and during one of those mornings, I had a customer who was going stop by to pick up her order which was never any problem before my loss but it was so disruptive back then. My counselor suggested that wherever possible to try to keep the mornings to myself in my schedule for the day. As she noted, the quiet mornings were an essential time for me and it was something noteworthy that I was doing out of love for myself. I am still committed to do that. It's my time to honour what once was.

Thank you so much, DWS. I was literally just thinking about that this morning. I have to return to work next week, but was thinking about talking to my managers about adjusting my schedule at least for a little while so I can keep my mornings free and peaceful. I know they won’t have a problem with it. I’m glad you replied and confirmed what I was thinking. I need to take care of myself and my wellbeing.

[DWS]

11 minutes ago, ElaineG said:

I need to take care of myself and my wellbeing.

That's it entirely. Others might question us at times for some of things that we're doing or thinking but acknowledging and honouring what we need is for the betterment of our wellbeing...and it's also our way of gaining some small amount of control.  It's good to hear that your managers should be okay with your plan. 

[Adriennelc]

On 7/24/2024 at 2:27 PM, ElaineG said:

Thank you so much, DWS. I was literally just thinking about that this morning. I have to return to work next week, but was thinking about talking to my managers about adjusting my schedule at least for a little while so I can keep my mornings free and peaceful. I know they won’t have a problem with it. I’m glad you replied and confirmed what I was thinking. I need to take care of myself and my wellbeing.

Oh boy do you need to look after yourself.  Our grief is all so different but the same.  In this first year you tend to react to everything.  The brain fog was horrendous.
I'm nearly entering my second year and this is reality for me - not one I wanted but this is what Ive got.  
Be very gentle with yourself and do what you want to do.  I laid in bed every morning watching box sets, drinking coffee and eating toast.  My way of not having to think too much or enter the real world.  That's passed and am almost in a 'normal'ish' routine.
Keep posting and reading.  A cracking good book is It's OK that you are not OK by Megan Devine.
So sorry for your loss. xx

[KayC]

You are so right and you aren't the first to highly recommend that book!