Dread

[ElaineG]

I am feeling such dread and anxiety. My husband’s memorial service is Friday. It’s being held out of state, so I have to travel. I have barely left the house for the last two weeks. I don’t want to leave the security of home. I’m also overwhelmed by the number of people who are coming. It’s not hundreds, but probably 50-60 people including my extended family, friends and colleagues and all his family, friends and colleagues (many of whom I haven’t met). I start to panic just thinking of me breaking down every time someone I love comes to hug me. It’s going to be so emotionally draining. I hope I can make it through the day.
 

I am also dreading coming home when everything is over and the silence begins. The hard work getting all the affairs in order while I’m still grieving hard. 
 

I’m still in shocked denial and it’s just all feeling like too much.

[KayC]

Do you have someone you can ask to go with you?

[ElaineG]

My parents are driving me there, so I have people, but it’s still tough.

[DWS]

My biggest hugs to you in enduring something that will be so overwhelming. It's good to hear that your parents will be with you. With things being so early and so raw, the only thing you can do is just get through it. Let the ones who love and care about you do their part to comfort and protect you. You don't need to demonstrate strength and perseverance. Showing up is good enough.

[KayC]

My daughter came home when George died, was visiting beforehand.  She stayed for 5 months, being away longer and longer stretches.  She started a business, which she still has today.  I couldn't have done it w/o her.

I'm very glad you have your parents there to drive you and be with you.  So important.  Esp. since most (all of mine) of our friends disappear on us.