Isolation

[BohoKat]

Three years after losing my husband to liver cancer, I thought I could start moving on. We were soulmates married 32 years. I was previously active here on the grief forum but haven’t posted in quite a while.

I have come upon a big problem. After a period of activity last year I have slowly let myself become more and more isolated. Activities and friends have slowly slipped away. I am having an impossible time getting away from my grief to rejoin the world again. Suggestions appreciated.

Peace, BohoKat 

[widower2]

Maybe start by examining why you let yourself become more isolated? 

If friends have abandoned you, try to find new ones. You might check Meetup.com for starters. It is not (repeat, not) a dating site or really anything more than a kind of online "shell" that people use to create all kinds of local social groups. Check the ones out in your area, you might be surprised. Most are extremely cheap if not free to join and there's no pressure to attend any given event, just see what grabs you and give it a shot.

Short of getting out of the house that way, try to stay busy...revisit an old hobby or consider a new one, house or yard projects, etc. Basically anything other than sitting there stewing in your grief. 

[Roxeanne]

I understand....the need to be isolated is a costant temptation for me and i think for most of us...'cos our life it's not more the life we knew and enjoyed! The life we live now it's almost boring for the most part...and i'm not isolated, but even with people around i feel my cosmic aloneness in the world...so sometimes i think that i had enough and that it's better stay in my house alone with my cat...

But i know the danger to be alone alone...you become the shadow of yourself! Unhappiness overwhelmed you and you haven't even a soul to talk to...

No, it can be so hard to bear...so try to find someone who can help you...some comforting friends to go out with, to talk to...and try to appreciate the little good things that life can still give... i know it's not the life you had before but we're alive and we have to content ourselves with what we have now!

 

 

[Bou]

8 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

I understand....the need to be isolated is a costant temptation for me and i think for most of us...'cos our life it's not more the life we knew and enjoyed! The life we live now it's almost boring for the most part...and i'm not isolated, but even with people around i feel my cosmic aloneness in the world...so sometimes i think that i had enough and that it's better stay in my house alone with my cat...

But i know the danger to be alone alone...you become the shadow of yourself! Unhappiness overwhelmed you and you haven't even a soul to talk to...

No, it can be so hard to bear...so try to find someone who can help you...some comforting friends to go out with, to talk to...and try to appreciate the little good things that life can still give... i know it's not the life you had before but we're alive and we have to content ourselves with what we have now!

 

 

This is such good advise.  I am introverted by nature, was terribly shy as a child.  Not so much anymore but  I still have a  hard time with socializing.  It doesn't come easy to me.  So I fear...  fear the isolation.  I don't have a ton of friends.  It seems like everyone does their own thing these days.  Being older its harder to make friends.  Plus I am busy a lot.  I still work.  I will always work.  

What I find works for me is pushing myself.  Pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.  Its not easy.  It doesn't always work.  I try.  

Taking care of myself and my needs and what gives me joy.  Shopping gives me joy.  So just getting out and being amongst others is a good outlet for me.  I am a very good window shopper. (because being older I don't need anymore **** to take care of cluttering up my already cluttered house)  Thinking about the things that make me happy and who make me me.  My likes.   Learning new things.  Not giving my mind enough time to be idol.  

I found this site so helpful to me when I was so very lost!  Lost lost.  I come here to still get help but also to help others.  I have found friends here. Friends that probably don't even know they are my friend.  The best part is I can come in here when I want and sometimes I am not here for weeks and other times I just read, and sometimes I have the gift of gab in my fingers and so I reply to things that interest me.  I am  in control. We often feel no control in our lives and here I have a little sense of some control.  

Asking for help is another hard thing for me.  but honestly being alone now I need that help.  

This is not the life we had before but it is something.  We have to grow again from where we landed and rebuild.   I know I don't want to stay stuck the rest of my life.  My hubby would not have wanted that for me at all.     Find those little joys and embrace them and grow them.   

[ElaineG]

On 7/17/2024 at 4:50 AM, Roxeanne said:

I understand....the need to be isolated is a costant temptation for me and i think for most of us...'cos our life it's not more the life we knew and enjoyed! The life we live now it's almost boring for the most part...and i'm not isolated, but even with people around i feel my cosmic aloneness in the world...so sometimes i think that i had enough and that it's better stay in my house alone with my cat...

But i know the danger to be alone alone...you become the shadow of yourself! Unhappiness overwhelmed you and you haven't even a soul to talk to...

No, it can be so hard to bear...so try to find someone who can help you...some comforting friends to go out with, to talk to...and try to appreciate the little good things that life can still give... i know it's not the life you had before but we're alive and we have to content ourselves with what we have now!

 

 

Cosmic aloneness in the world…beautifully put.