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[ImMomma]

Hubby & I are both dying.   Who goes first is yet to be determined.   I have cancer & its very possible I will be first & maybe sooner rather than later.   I am younger & supposed to outlive him.  Hubby is disabled & Ive been his caretaker & breadwinner since 1996.   

We have no children or family to pass anything, like family 'stuff'.   Thats one of the hardest things!

"I will show you fear in a handfull of dust" T.S. Elliott 

I think that means its not our death that scares us so - its that no one will remember us - no one will miss us, or look at our photos/movies someday and think " that was your great Aunt & Uncle so&so.  Or look, there'a your great grandmother too & Uncle Whosits."

Thinking of all these wonderful pics and the home movies with our voices and movement, will die too and be lost to all time is disheartening to say the least.   I just watched a video of us in 1990 and there was my mom.  Walking and talking & my husband woth his arm around her.  They cared for each other too and had a good relationship long before she loved in & lived with us for 8 years.  

 

I am crying now.  Missing mom and missing the people hubby & I used to be.   I want to go back and freeze that time and exist there forever.   

Grief is too simple a word to spread so liberally over such fluid and profound feelings.

Do you watch or look at old movies and photos?  This is the first time I actually wished we'd had kids.   Someone to remember. Even grandkids.  Even if we weren't remembered with love.   "There Aunt and Uncle so&so - they were mean, but they don't seem so bad in the movies & photos...   They sure loved dogs and rescued many so they couldnt be all bad" 

 

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry, most of my family is gone now, so many aunts and uncles died within the last few years, cousins even.  Sisters going.  

It is nice to have extended family...I hope you and your husband are a great consolation to each other.  It might be time to enlist the help of Adult & Family Services to see what they can offer.  

I love your closing statement, shows your sense of humor!