I miss my best friend - and it's my fault

[mattwillard1982]

We picked up a little corgi puppy 2 years ago, and he was our baby.  My wife and I loved him the minute we saw him, and worked on training him, and loving him, and playing with him.  He grew, and for the first year he was out best friend.  He helped us get over the loss of loosing our last dog Willie, a Jack Russel Terrier I owned for 15 years.  When he passed, we were devastated, so after a couple months, we got a puppy.   After this first year, our Corgi puppy began showing signs of aggression.  He would growl and snap at us.  After a bout a year and a half, he began biting us, pretty hard.  The last 6 months have been tough.  He slowly transitioned into an aggressive dog that would full out attack us with multiple bites deep wounds (some of which required stiches).  We slowly came to the realization, he was becoming a danger to us, and my wife began staying at her parents house because she was afraid to be around him.  We talked to trainers, and behaviorists, and vets, and slowly came to the conclusion that we were going to have to put him down, before he seriously injured someone, or caused a lawsuit.  I had him put down yesterday.  I feel physically ill.  I've been vomiting and having chest pains, and I can barely drag myself off the couch.  I feel like I failed my dog, like there is something else I could have done.  I wish I could have made him understand what he was doing to us, and why we had to do what we did.  I feel like I betrayed him.  He will always be that cute little puppy we picked up in the car 2 years ago.  This is literally breaking my heart.  I feel like an awful human being, but I know in my brain it was the right thing, but it hurts so bad in my heart.  We have pictures of him everywhere, and when I walk into the house I see them any cry.  I dont know how much longer I can function like this, or how long it will take to feel better, and I hate it.  I hate myself for the choice I had to make.  It just hurts so bad.  I'm even afraid to get another dog, that it could turn out like this again, but I'm not ready for that yet anyways.

He was such a cute little dog, and such a good cuddle buddy before he decided to get mean, and I'll always love him as a friend.  The house feels so empty, and I am looking around for him all the time, and I keep thinking I hear him, or thinking its time to take him out to pee, or for his walk.  Its habit.  I just hate this so much.  I'm so depressed, and the worst part is I feel like I murdered my puppy.  He was only 2 and I feel like I wish there was something else I could have done.  We tried giving him to shelters, but none of them would take him on account of his aggression.  I cant even function right now.  This is just so sad.

 

Matt

[lvcat]

Unfortunately, I had a cat growing up who was also abnormally aggressive. I genuinely think she had something mentally wrong. She was a purebred siamese that we bought online from a breeder. Maybe due to some off-breeding practices? You were able to raise Willie for 15 years, and it doesn't sound like he was violent and aggressive? It sounds like you tried everything. And yes, he was only 2...but to be honest, 2 years is quite a bit of time. If he wasn't showing signs of improvement, it might have just been something wrong with him. The fact that multiple experts (including shelters that see hundreds and thousands of animals) refused him shows that. You aren't a bad person. Please go easy on yourself here...as you said, if he had attacked someone, he might have been forcibly put down in the end...I'm really sorry for your loss, but I really don't think there was any winning in your situation.   

[KayC]

Matt, I am so sorry, I remember posting here but it's gone, it must not have completed before I exited.
A Corgi is what I was looking for when my son found me a Klee Kai.  I haven't heard of aggression in them, one of the smartest, sweetest dogs I've known was a Corgi.  Lord knows what happened in this one's life before you adopted him for this to happen.  None of this is your fault. I hope you know that!

You can rest assured your dog is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[Twistrafx]

I’m so sorry to hear about your heartbreaking experience with your corgi. It sounds like you did everything you could to help him, and making such a difficult decision must have been incredibly tough. I can relate a bit, as I’ve faced similar feelings after having to make hard choices for my pets.

There was a time when I had a rabbit who was just the sweetest thing, but I was struggling with some health issues. I found comfort in a blog called cheerfulbunny.com, which was full of heartwarming stories and tips that helped me cope with my own challenges. It was nice to read about other people’s experiences and find some solace in shared love for our furry friends.

[Jim M]

We had the exact problem with our toy poodle years ago. He ended up biting a delivery person who came to to the house. Sadly, in much the same position as you, we had to put him down. You did right. A dog with that problem is really an unhappy dog. That's what I beleive. Its very unfortunate, but the both of us did the right thing.