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Getting worse instead of better


teekly

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WithoutHer
5 hours ago, KayC said:

I haven't had anything like that with Buspirone.   I hope you feel better.  My stress was through the roof yesterday through this morning, too much going on, I think it's calmed down finally.  All extenuating circumstances...

I hope I didn't word that wrong. The Bispiron isn't causing the feelings it's just doesn't seem to be helping with the intensity today. I put down the Prozac months ago. Feeling like a zombie isn't helpful. The alprozalam seemed to help reduce it. I'm going to go with an additional dose tonight and hope it has settled tomorrow.

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WithoutHer

Still had that anxious panicked feeling all day today. I'm thinking it's because it's Vickie's birth month harping on my subconscious. Not sure but I am sure this feeling is discomforting. If I were still working I'd be useless and calling out.

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That may well be it, June is my month...My dad's bdy & parent's anv on 10th, the 14th George's bdy, Father's Day & day he left...19th.  Bam, bam, bam, HIT!  That's what it feels like.

I'm sorry @WithoutHer...I know it's rough.

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On 7/3/2024 at 11:42 PM, JCDV said:

Honestly, I cannot talk to my in-laws anymore. I feel like they want me to move on quickly . They have absolutely no clue how much I am dying inside. I'm extremely lonely without my husband. It's gotten to a point where I cannot be around any of his friends or relatives because they remind me of him. I plan to cut them off completely . They are a sad reminder of what Iost. 

I'm sorry that they are not supportive of you and your grieving. 

Just know that when you do cut them out of your life, you will have another loss to grieve. You may not have much emotional attachment to them, but I believe all losses must be grieved. Cutting them out of your life is loving yourself, and so is grieving their loss. 

You're doing great. Keep going. 

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On 7/4/2024 at 12:52 PM, ThirdG said:

It will be 2 years in August since Amanda died. Yes, I don’t cry as much. No, it still hurts. My attitude towards my grief has changed. It’s good to have a cry, and I feel better when I do. The advice I get from others with my kind of loss is that the grief will never completely go away, but I realize that isn’t a bad thing. In her own way, Amanda will always be a part of me.

It has taken me awhile to connect my current experience of grief with something that happened much earlier in my life; the death of my first grandparent. There are times when I’ll still cry for him. I’ll soon be 73. He died when I was 24. I no longer think I’m abnormal for feeling this way.

Yes. catharsis is healing. The more I can stay in that, the faster my healing moves forward. It's a great mystery really, why it works but it does. 

What I do is spend each day, usually at night before bed, and sit in the darkness alone. I allow the thoughts and memories to come to me that cause me distress. For each one, I allow the emotions associated with that to flow through me like water. The more I do that, the faster the healing occurs. Eventually, the thought or memory no longer bothers me and I can move on. 

After we finish grieving, the love we feel for them remains. Love is forever. We will always love those we have loved. Just because we shed a tear for someone's memory doesn't mean we're still grieving. It just means that we love them still. Grieving is about letting go of attachment, but not about letting go of them. We will always love them, but the neediness will be gone after grieving is complete. We can then move on with our lives and find new meaning there. 

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On 7/6/2024 at 4:21 PM, WithoutHer said:

Lately have been a bit anxious and anxiety. I can't think of anything specific that brings it on other either being alone or my grief. Maybe It's a combination of both but today the feeling is very deep and overwhelming. Going to hit the alprozalam and hope it helps. The daily Buspirone isn't doing it today. It's making me feel a level of panic without reason and I don't know what else to do.

What I do is to sit in the darkness before bed and allow the thoughts and memories to come to me that cause me distress. Then, I allow the feelings associated with that to flow through me like water. I repeat the thought or memory, even saying the thought out loud, and again allow the feelings to flow. The more I do that, the faster the healing occurs. Catharsis is necessary, in my experience, for healing to occur. We are afraid of catharsis because it means that we have to let go of our critical mind and judgement to enter it. We are attached to being intellectual and in control so we are afraid to let go of those. For me, the more experience I have with catharsis, the more I trust it to heal me. It's like jumping into a raging river without a life vest. For some reason, I'm like a duck and just float back to the surface, no problem. The thing is that there are nuggets of golden wisdom in the depths of despair. Grieving reveals the truth because it heals attachment. Our minds are clouded by our emotional attachment to the loss. Grieving thus gives us clarity and wisdom, so they are, for me at least, spiritual practices. 

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I cried so much in the early years I literally cried out my tears.  It's hard for me to cry now, I can go for years w/o crying, although I may if hit with another loss but mostly it's like I carry it inward.

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10 hours ago, ThirdG said:

I have stayed away from drugs in my grief for my spouse of 46 years. The second anniversary of her death is in August. Instead, I let myself have a good cry. That seems to help tremendously as I feel much better when I’ve done so. I readily admit to it, although I tend to cry by myself. The two widows I’ve learned to share with tell me this is all quite normal. At first I cried for long periods of time almost every day. A long cry can still happen, and may never completely go away, but now most of my cries are short and skip some days. I think that crying is the most natural way for us humans to handle grief.

I better understand now why once or twice a year I’ll still cry for my grandfather, who died almost 50 years ago.

That's great. You're perfectly normal. Keep going. 

What I do is set aside some time each day to recall the thoughts and memories that cause me distress. I then allow the feelings associated with them to flow through me like water. I repeat the thought or memory and do it again. I say the thought out loud. I actively look for thoughts that cause me pain. I call this Intentional Grieving. It's grieving on purpose with a purpose. 

What happens for me is that the thought or memory loses it's sting. It no longer bothers me and I can move on to the next one, and so forth. 

I gain wisdom this way. I'm not afraid of catharsis. I'm like a duck and just float back to the surface after diving deep into the despair. I trust the process. 

But yes eventually we run out of thoughts and memories that stimulate catharsis. The tears we shed then are from love, not loss. My neediness for them goes away with grieving, but the love remains forever. I will always love those I have loved. 

Edited by DirkW
typo correction
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