Multiple Losses

[Derry]

Hello

Get ready for a HUGE Rant/Fret/Whine/Intro/Pep Talk

I'm going to throw in a little introduction to start with.

My name is Derry, 58, Arkansas

I'm a retired....everything?? At one time my mother and I had a florist and bridal center, I then became a chef for 10 years, moved back to Arkansas and was an interior decorator. I combined all my talents to create my last job....Cake Decortor Extraordinaire!! *smile*....*cry*

I moved back to Arkansas in 1995 when my father died and my mother was very sick at the time. She did not think she would be around much longer.

(((SURPRISE!!)))

She lived for 17 more....wonderful, joyful and happy years. We overcame diabetes, renal failure, heart attacks, bad knee replacements, high blood pressure and the demise of "As the World Turns"

I was sooooo extremely blessed to be able to be with my mother those last years.

My caregiving went into full time mode in 2009 when mother's lower back simply would not allow her to get around or even sit up for any length of time.

Her mind, appetite and sense of humor stayed with her til the end.

She passed away on April 14 of this year....at the age of 95....one of 10 girls!

We had been in and out of the hospital several times in the previous months but on April 10 she said~ "Enough...no more bloodwork, no more medicine, no more transfusions......I'm ready to go."

We were moved to the hospice ward.....beautiful room, peaceful....and had 3 days to soak it all in. She slowly drifted away. Her death and the following memorial service could not have been more beautiful or easy.

AND ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE............... *sigh*

Even before mother's funeral service my brothers were cutting down trees, burning everything in the storage shed (not realizing that the stuff belonged to ME...until after the fact) They called an auctioneer in to haul off all the furniture.....AGAIN, not realizing that it was MY home for 17 years and most of the stuff was MINE.

The sale brought almost nothing.

My brothers had been pretty much oblivious to our plight......younger brother stayed completely out of the picture for years and older brother argued with me constantly....trying to put mother in a nursing home.

I had promised mother that she would NEVER go into a nursing home as long as she was alert, happy and WANTED to be in her home. I promised her and God that I would do my best.......and I am thrilled to say I was able to do it.

BACK TO THE "ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE"............

With mother's death came the loss of income. We had been surviving on her (small) social security check and assistance from the Independent Choices Program. Over the years I lost everything.

I've had to give up my medications, lost my car due to lack of maintenance, lost my driver's license because of my eyesight....and NOW I'm having to move within the next month. Utilities are being shut off and house is being sold (which will most likely take forever) Brother has promised to give me a portion of the proceeds from sale of the house..............but WHAT until then??

I'm just a mess of emotions. Nauseated all the time (at least I'm losing weight!!!!)

Hot flashes when the thermostat is on 65 and Freezing when the thermostat is on 75! Days are half happy and half horrible....smiling one minute and sobbing the next.

Life is pure Hell.............YET, that's just short term. I've never had it so rough....for soooo long. I can see a bright future......I really can. I'm excited...so much to do...

Maybe I'll even have a chance to start that family I never had......unless you count the four legged kids. *sigh* yeah....I'm a mess......and ......

I'm exhausted.

I just want time to rest and grieve in peace.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings......

I truly appreciate the opportunity.

[Derry]

Hello??????

Over 44,000 members and the place is so quiet?

I hope everyone hasn't died.........talk about your Irony.

Am I in the wrong forum?

Anyone out there???

[RMoore]

Hello

Get ready for a HUGE Rant/Fret/Whine/Intro/Pep Talk

I'm going to throw in a little introduction to start with.

My name is Derry, 58, Arkansas

I'm a retired....everything?? At one time my mother and I had a florist and bridal center, I then became a chef for 10 years, moved back to Arkansas and was an interior decorator. I combined all my talents to create my last job....Cake Decortor Extraordinaire!! *smile*....*cry*

I moved back to Arkansas in 1995 when my father died and my mother was very sick at the time. She did not think she would be around much longer.

(((SURPRISE!!)))

She lived for 17 more....wonderful, joyful and happy years. We overcame diabetes, renal failure, heart attacks, bad knee replacements, high blood pressure and the demise of "As the World Turns"

I was sooooo extremely blessed to be able to be with my mother those last years.

My caregiving went into full time mode in 2009 when mother's lower back simply would not allow her to get around or even sit up for any length of time.

Her mind, appetite and sense of humor stayed with her til the end.

She passed away on April 14 of this year....at the age of 95....one of 10 girls!

We had been in and out of the hospital several times in the previous months but on April 10 she said~ "Enough...no more bloodwork, no more medicine, no more transfusions......I'm ready to go."

We were moved to the hospice ward.....beautiful room, peaceful....and had 3 days to soak it all in. She slowly drifted away. Her death and the following memorial service could not have been more beautiful or easy.

AND ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE............... *sigh*

Even before mother's funeral service my brothers were cutting down trees, burning everything in the storage shed (not realizing that the stuff belonged to ME...until after the fact) They called an auctioneer in to haul off all the furniture.....AGAIN, not realizing that it was MY home for 17 years and most of the stuff was MINE.

The sale brought almost nothing.

My brothers had been pretty much oblivious to our plight......younger brother stayed completely out of the picture for years and older brother argued with me constantly....trying to put mother in a nursing home.

I had promised mother that she would NEVER go into a nursing home as long as she was alert, happy and WANTED to be in her home. I promised her and God that I would do my best.......and I am thrilled to say I was able to do it.

BACK TO THE "ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE"............

With mother's death came the loss of income. We had been surviving on her (small) social security check and assistance from the Independent Choices Program. Over the years I lost everything.

I've had to give up my medications, lost my car due to lack of maintenance, lost my driver's license because of my eyesight....and NOW I'm having to move within the next month. Utilities are being shut off and house is being sold (which will most likely take forever) Brother has promised to give me a portion of the proceeds from sale of the house..............but WHAT until then??

I'm just a mess of emotions. Nauseated all the time (at least I'm losing weight!!!!)

Hot flashes when the thermostat is on 65 and Freezing when the thermostat is on 75! Days are half happy and half horrible....smiling one minute and sobbing the next.

Life is pure Hell.............YET, that's just short term. I've never had it so rough....for soooo long. I can see a bright future......I really can. I'm excited...so much to do...

Maybe I'll even have a chance to start that family I never had......unless you count the four legged kids. *sigh* yeah....I'm a mess......and ......

I'm exhausted.

I just want time to rest and grieve in peace.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings......

I truly appreciate the opportunity.

We bumped into eachother thsi mornig, you have a sense of humor!! Hope kitty is doing better. See you in the chat room=)

hugs