Shame on me

[widower2]

For anyone that's had a similar guilt trip: 

- Shame on me for the many days I woke up and the first thing that popped into my head wasn't "wow she's in my life!"
- Shame on me for not sending her flowers on days other than Valentines Day or her birthday
- Shame on me for the times I upset or even hurt her and was too stupid to realize it
- Shame on me for not remembering that of all the guys out there, she chose to be with me. Seriously? 
- Shame on me for not appreciating her more and being an idiot in general 

I swear if I ever see her in another existence beyond this one, the first words out of my mouth will be "I'm so sorry." 

I just hope I get the chance

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

I can relate with everything you said, specially “I’m so sorry!”  

[LMR]

Yes. These thoughts go through my mind often. Just want that chance to say sorry, sorry for whatever didn't make his day better.

[KayC]

Oh @widower2 I'm sure you'll get every chance to do what you didn't get to do here...just believe and hope...I have a refrigerator magnet that says that...I won't ever be able to make another one now.  It's starting to hit me, but I know I did the right thing giving away all that stuff.

My George did all those things, yet still we had to part after such a short time on earth together, only knew each other 6 1/2 years, now he's been gone nearly three times that long.  He made such a tremendous impact on my life.  My love.

[Sparky1]

5 hours ago, widower2 said:

For anyone that's had a similar guilt trip: 

- Shame on me for the many days I woke up and the first thing that popped into my head wasn't "wow she's in my life!"
- Shame on me for not sending her flowers on days other than Valentines Day or her birthday
- Shame on me for the times I upset or even hurt her and was too stupid to realize it
- Shame on me for not remembering that of all the guys out there, she chose to be with me. Seriously? 
- Shame on me for not appreciating her more and being an idiot in general 

I swear if I ever see her in another existence beyond this one, the first words out of my mouth will be "I'm so sorry." 

I just hope I get the chance

Wow, same list I have in my head. I also have lots of regrets. I guess complacency sets in and we take our partner for granted some times. I wish I had done more things with her, such as more travelling, instead of worrying about work. When we meet again, I will hug her forever and never leave her side. 

[HisMunchkin]

I'm going to say, "I am so sorry" instead of "shame on me".  And I'm going to phrase it so it's directed to my husband.  I find that helpful - letting it all out.   

- I am so sorry for having shown my frustration a couple of times when I had to clean up after you while you were sick.  I should have been more understanding and compassionate. 

- I am so sorry for not telling you that I loved you every single day.

- I am so sorry for not being able to trust you completely throughout our relationship, which resulted in me not being able to get as close to you emotionally as I could have.

- I am so sorry that I didn't appreciate the precious moments that we shared, and your being in my life, as much as I should have, as my as I do now, now that you are gone.  I am so sorry that I took you, and our time together for granted. 

- I am so sorry that you were in pain and couldn't breathe at the very end, and that I could not be by your side at that moment.

- I am so sorry that I don't drive.  I could have been more helpful while you were ill if I did.

- I am so sorry that I wasn't better in every way which could've given you more than you had. 

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

19 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

I wish I had done more things with her, such as more travelling

I placed limits on what i thought we could as far as traveling because I saw Veronica struggle with mobility in the last few years.  Instead of asking her if she might want to try something I just assumed she would not want to make the attempt.  Then, in Nov 2022, when we flew to Houston for a shipmate’s memorial, we proved, to each other if nothing else, that she could travel by air, with some planning and work.  Like a “proof of concept.”  That made us brave enough to book a flight to Hawaii, only to have to cancel because of her kidney failure.  

[Roxeanne]

One of the things we loved do was travelling together...i have great memories of our trips in Europe and in Usa!

I still love travelling but it's not the same joy....i come back in the places we saw together and in some way they talking of him to me!

Good and sad at the same time💕

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

That made us brave enough to book a flight to Hawaii, only to have to cancel because of her kidney failure.  

I am so sorry you had to cancel, but maybe that hope for a time was what she needed...damn!  So hard to have to cancel these special things...

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

Yes, it really sucked.  Veronica and I just sat quietly at home after the doctor said she needed to start dialysis right away.  I just told her we’re a team and I would help her deal with it.  When I cancelled the hotel and airline, our son said it felt like someone had passed away.  I had to explain all the stuff.  

[widower2]

On 6/13/2024 at 3:38 AM, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

  Like a “proof of concept.”  

Spoken like a veteran.  Or a defense contractor, at least. Just don't say "CONOPS" or I'll have bad dreams!

[Bou]

On 6/12/2024 at 2:17 AM, widower2 said:

For anyone that's had a similar guilt trip: 

- Shame on me for the many days I woke up and the first thing that popped into my head wasn't "wow she's in my life!"
- Shame on me for not sending her flowers on days other than Valentines Day or her birthday
- Shame on me for the times I upset or even hurt her and was too stupid to realize it
- Shame on me for not remembering that of all the guys out there, she chose to be with me. Seriously? 
- Shame on me for not appreciating her more and being an idiot in general 

I swear if I ever see her in another existence beyond this one, the first words out of my mouth will be "I'm so sorry." 

I just hope I get the chance

You are only human.  Learn from this and be a better person moving forward but don't put this on yourself everyday.   We all do the best we can with what we have and where we are at.  We all have moments.  Let the guilt slide off of you and move forward.  Your loved one wouldn't want you sitting in this shame.   I believe she hears you when you say you are sorry and you don't have to carry that on anymore.    Just a few thoughts