My mother passed away last night

[Tom mahoney]

I've lost a father 2 brothers and a sister so grief is not new to me but this is different. My mother went through difficult times with life and medical issues and I always stayed with her. Protected her and supported her any way I could.

 

Now that she's gone I have a terrible guilt that I just can't reconcile. I feel like I failed her. Like I let her down. I just wish I had known are last conversation was the last conversation. There's more I wanted to say. That she wasn't a burden to me. That I didn't regret sacrificing my time to make her life as easy as I could. That I was sorry if I ever lost my temper or got impatient. 

 

I would give anything just to talk to her again.

[KayC]

I was my sister's caregiver, she had balance problems and dementia, she lived in my town, I was closest to her out of six of us (mom mentally off and highly abusive, dad alcoholic), I've lost my husband and niece, nephew, two sisters, both parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, countless friends, pets...but it was very hard losing Peggy.  We talked all the time, yet it was hard too being in that role.  Be easy on yourself, I'm sure your mom understood or does now.  I feel the same.  
Guilt In the Wake of a Parent's Death
Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

[Mindy Mends]

I'm truly sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. It's natural to reflect on what you did and didn't do during her last days, but please know that she deeply appreciated everything you did for her. Even if there were moments of impatience or frustration, remember the comfort your smile likely brought her, making her feel loved and cared for. No loving parent would want their child to feel burdened by their care, and any missteps you think you made were surely forgiven by your mom. Your love shone through in each act of kindness you offered. I know how much you miss her.

[KayC]

We have a spiritual section you can post such comments on, it makes some uncomfortable if it's done in the main part of the forum. 

[Mindy Mends]

Gotcha my apologies! I’ll delete if I can .

[widower2]

Covered.  No worries and thx!

[AloraMae1982]

Tom,I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother on Sunday early morning unexpectedly. I found her in the morning when she didnt get up. I have all the same guilty feelings you are experiencing. What you said felt like I was reading my own thoughts. Please know you are not alone. And I am positive that neither of our moms would want us to beat ourselves up over things that are not in our control. It sounds like you took really good care of her.  

I would also give anything for even just 5 more minutes to tell her all those same things. To hug her. To kiss her forehead. 

 

[ImMomma]

Sounds like your feelings are right on schedule.   I am heartily sorry for that & for your loss.    I cared for my mom - she lived with us - when she passed my mind and heart went to the could haves, should haves, if only, why did I, I let her down....  thoughts and feelings.    I often think like that now as I am my husbands caretaker and everytime I get upset with him, I get mad at myself too and think about my mom.

 

It took me a while thinking about my mom to try to be objective about what she would tell me. 

 

Everyone is different, but I bet your mom would tell you she loves you and that you never let her down. 

 

 I would love to talk to my mom again.  Its been 18 years since I lost her, but I still find myself seeing or hearing something and thinking "I need to tell mom...."  only now it doesn't hurt. 

 

 I did so much for my mom so I decided to forgive myself for her too.  Tho I know she would tell me there was nothing to forgive.  

Someday - it may be too soon now - but someday you may see everything that occured in a very different light.