My Angel Kitty 🤍

[Indi]

Our 8 year old Lexi girl had been returned to the pound 4 times by others due to her IBD problems, my brother adopted her on his birthday March 2021 and we’ve had her ever since. Over time her IBD problems seemed to worsen and after numerous tests and biopsy’s the vets suggested intestinal lymphoma but they weren’t actually sure, so they treated it as lymphoma and there she started taking chemo medication. 

Our angel kitty took a quick decline Thursday last week, our original vet had given up helping so we took her to a cat clinic on Monday which suggested we leave her overnight to keep her hydrated and monitor her. The following morning he called to let us know she was doing a bit better but ultimately it wasn’t looking too good. From that point real heartbreak started to set in. He said we could leave her another night but it’d be best to take her home and make her comfortable. So we went straight there to pick her up. We finally got her home and had her nice and warm wrapped in her blanket on top of her hot water bottle. She usually runs savage in the kitchen when anyone’s in there but she couldn’t muster up the energy to even sniff the salmon we thought we’d cook to try and feed her. At around 6pm that night she started gasping for air, we unfortunately freaked out not having done this  before but after realising what was happening we got to hold her closely and tell her how much we loved her as she took her last breaths. 
 

That image is unfortunately stuck in my head and I can’t help but feel guilty that there could’ve been something more we could’ve done. Seeing her run out of breath made me feel horrible that I couldn’t help her. We got to spend that last night with her but had to take her little jumper off she always wore to keep her warm as she was only 1.5kgs. It didn’t feel right to let her cool down as the emergency vet told us we had to do. The next morning we took her to the pet funeral place where she stayed the night. Again the thoughts of her being alone in a fridge to go cold kept me awake as we spent forever always trying to keep her little body warm.
 

We had a viewing for her yesterday to give her a nice send off and waited for her to be cremated. On the way home with her ashes we saw random rainbow coloured streaks in the clouds. I’m hoping it was a good sign from her to let us know she was okay and happy. But returning home feels empty, there was no one to meet us at the door, no one yelling at us for food, the house is quiet as she was so vocal and the absence of her presence is heartbreaking. Our other cat is sad and last night curled up to sleep with his head on her urn. How are we meant to cope, I’ve never felt this kind of pain but it feels like it’ll never get easier. It’s almost also like a strong feeling of guilt if we try to move forward. We can’t go in certain areas of our house or look at her things without breaking down. The not knowing where she’s gone or if she’s truly happy now or if she was in pain or if we scared her by crying while she took her last breaths or if we’re ever going to see her again or if she’s going to visit or if she was happy being with us or even knows and could feel how much we really loved her breaks me. I miss her so much

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, that is young for a cat to die, that has to be reallly hard.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.