Heartbroken and feeling terribly guilty.

[Mel98]

We lost our baby chick caramilk on Tuesday and it’s horribly all my fault. I’m really struggling coming to terms with it and can’t stop replaying the day in my mind. 
she was the first chick that hatched (our first chicken ever) completely yellow with a black dot on her head and another on her back. She hatched fine and walked normally for a few days but something went wrong about a week in and when we went to check on her she was hobbling on her knees . I did some googling and joined all of the chicken groups and started to try things that might help. First I tried to hobble her so hold her feet together in case her legs were splayed but that didn’t help, next I tried chick shoes to have her feet sit flat (they were twisted) but that just made it worse. Then I tried to splint them, which meant putting her in a hammock over a jar.
 

I couldn’t get it to make a difference so I took her to the vet where they decided that splints were the best idea and she would need them for a week before returning along with some magnet therapy. She did not enjoy the hammock all the time for the first few days but I think the splints were a bit uncomfortable and heavy for her. She made it through the week and I promised her that it would be over soon. I only started a new job with him months ago so I couldn’t really take time off so I had to leave her in my car for the day until her appointment, but it was overcast and she was used to being under a heat lamp, so I figured it would be okay. at the next vet visit only one leg was a lot better the other seemed worse if anything. So both legs Re splinted and another week in the jar.

she was such a sweetheart she would fall asleep under my neck every night when we had a snuggle and I needed to change her wood shavings (for droppings) . She was completely used to the job at this point I’m doing a really good job. We got her out her magnet therapy every day and gave her lots of cuddles.

fast forward to the Tuesday and again, I had to keep her in my car because I couldn’t take the time off from work. it wasn’t hot. It’s autumn here now. I was rushing when I changed her wood shavings and didn’t reposition her in hammock very well, so I think she was uncomfortable.. she flapped all the way to work, which is about 45 minutes in traffic. She was really unsettled. For some reason, I couldn’t figure out why. I tried to reposition her when I got to work, but she still seem to be uncomfortable and was making some funny squeaking sounds but I managed to calm her down. In my rush, I forgot to close the sunroof and she was still on the front seat in her tub and jar. I was careful to fill her water and food to make sure she had access to it during the day, just like I did last time, but last time she was on the back seat.

So that I could get to her appointment I had to skip my lunch so that I had sometime saved up to leave early. I don’t know what happened I think it could have been heatstroke but when I went to check on her later in the day she wasn’t alive anymore. She had obviously been flapping her wings, and there was some blood where they had been hitting the side of the tub. It wasn’t anything i could do, she was gone. I sat on the side of the road, and cried for 20 minutes.

I feel terrible,  I feel so guilty and I should but I don’t know how to move past this feeling. There are so many things I could’ve done differently and she might have been okay. She was only 6 weeks old but still looked like 2. I never thought I could fall in love with a chicken so quickly.

[KayC]

I used to have chickens, although many years ago.  The chicks are so sweet, I can understand your falling in love with her.  It's so hard when you lose them.