Will this hurt ever stop

[Choogy]

Her name was Lulu .She was the tiniest,cheekiest,naughtiest little cat,that we only had for 5 months and one week.she was approx 16 months old.

On April 16th,four weeks ago tomorrow we lost her as the result of being mauled by 4 dogs in the yard over our back fence.We didn't know this for sure until two and a half weeks later.

Want to tell you her quite sad story up to this point.She lived across the road from us.She,along with several other dogs at the house were severely neglected.We used to watch her playing around.Then she befriended some of the neighbors,we along with those neighbors started buying catfood,so she at least had something to eat. Other than that she had to hunt for her food.She was about 7 months when it was clear she was pregnant.She was a kitten having kittens.When she was about 4 weeks pregnant she was badly hurt and couldn't sit or stand,she was laying under a verandah where we went and retrieved her and bought her into our home.We since found out that  she had a spanner thrown at her back end because they caught her in their back yard eating their cats food.We treated her with what we could, fed her as much as she wanted.Then the people that owned her got wind that we had her so we reluctantly had to give her back.From that day onwards she would venture over to our place several times a day to get fed.We would have a laugh when we'd see her coming.She went on to have four healthy kittens and she still came over to get fed 3 or 4 times a day.When the kittens were 3 weeks old the house was vacated for 8 weeks due to the woman going to jail and the kids going to stay with their father who'd just got out of jail.The RSPCA attended the house because all the animals had been just left.Following protocol they had to come back 24 hrs later to seize all of them.That night a young girl who was another neighbor went into the house which was left unlocked and got Lulu and her babies and brought them over to our house.The poor things were in the same cardboard box that we sent her home in when she stayed with us when she got injured.The date was Nov 7th '23.

We looked after them all and found the four kittens good homes.In Dec we had Lulu desexed,vaccinated  and microchiped.Things were tough with her because she yowled relentlessly wanting to go outside.We got her into a routine of letting her out,around 5am and brought her in around 7am.Two hours only every morning.My husband had plans to go away for 3 nights but was extremely reluctant because he thought I wouldn't look out for her.He absolutely adored her.I assured him he had nothing to worry about.So he went.

The very next morn I got up  at 5am,fed her and opened up the window where she would always come and go for that two hours.And yes she'd bring  mice,frogs etc in for us.But before she went that morn she came into the bedroom and laid up on my chest, only for a minute or so then off she went.

At 7am I got up and went out the front and called her.Couldn't see her which was not unusual,thought I'd go out the back as occasionally she'd jump in our back yard.As I came out the door I saw her laying very close and facing the back fence,just stretched out.Straight away I knew something was very wrong. I called her name with no response, then I screamed frantically running towards her.She was alive but only moving her eyes.There was no blood and no other movement and no sound.I could see she had been mauled by  a dog/dogs.Her coat was covered in saliva and mud.She was quite obviously in shock.I just didn't know what to do. I rang my neighbor with no answer,then ran across the road crying out to the neighbor that Lulu had befriended,begging for help.She ran back with me and lifted her into a pet carrier.Then of course because it was so early there were no vets open until 8 am.We got her to a vets that had a nurse there already and the vet would be there shortly. He came in and after about 20  mins called me into a room and said that he was optimistic that she might be ok,that her heart was good and the X-rays tho not perfect showed no internal damage or broken bones.No puncture wounds.He wanted to keep her in for 24-48 hours though as he was a bit concerned about her breathing and wanted to start her on some treatment.Antiinflamatories,antibiotics etc.He said she'd even perked up a bit in the 20 mins she'd been there but with cats things can change very quickly for the worst.But I was so happy with the news I had just got.Rang my husband and told him it looked like she was going to be ok and that she will never be allowed outside again.But we never got that second chance.At 1pm my ph rang and I remember having a flash thought that the vet is probably ringing to tell me to come pick her up because she continued to perk up.Could not believe it when he said I'm so sorry but Lulu had just collapsed and passed away.Could not believe it!I was in total shock and devastation and had to now ring my husband back and give him this terrible news that his little girl was gone.He came straight home.

Two and a half weeks later my husband was walking around our street and came to the house that was behind us where he'd often stop in for a chat because he'd known the family most of his life.They asked him if he owned a white  and black cat , and then went on to tell him that their four dogs got her in the corner of their yard,that they got the dogs off her but they couldn't touch her because she was frantic and attacking them.Her son who was setting off for work and had his motor cycle gear on so he picked her up and dropped her over a 7 foot colorbond fence and that's where I found her almost lifeless body.Why couldn't they come and knock on my front door and tell me about the cat.What if she wasn't ours.How does someone drop a cat into your yard and not make contact to explain whats happened.Ironically this was the same yard where Lulu was caught eating their cats food when she had the spanner thrown at her.

It's been 4 weeks and all I think about all day and all night is how I could have done things differently.I have so many regrets.Why couldn't I have just kept her in that morning.Why did I go back to bed.Why didn't I hear something and when I found her,why didn't I cover her to keep her warm.After the vet came and explained everything why didn't I ask to see her before I left.

I don't understand why she would have jumped into that yard again.She must have known there were dogs in there.But I also think she could have been either standing on top of the fence and got startled by the dogs and fell into that yard or was mesmerized by a pond that had goldfish in it.

We are a couple in our 70s.At first we thought what on earth have we gone and got ourselves into with this little cat who had such a big voice with so much energy and literally wouldn't stop.We bought her a whole lot of toys which she loved to play with.And for the 5 months that we had her she more than doubled in weight.We bought nothing but the best for her.We truly loved her ,she gave us so much pleasure and made us laugh so much.She also did our heads in may times but now everything seems so quiet and empty.theres just nothing.Its unbearable!   I guess she had to hunt for her food from the start and it's something that no matter how much we gave her she still had to do it.

We both feel like our hearts are broken.We just miss her so so much.We'd give anything to have her back,   safe,  warm and with a full tummy💔

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

It could have been the drop over the fence that finished her off.   Why someone would do that I do not get at all.

I am so sorry for your little kitten!  You guys did your best, taking care of her and loving her when no one else did except another neighbor.

My heart goes out to you.  I adopted a feral cat, he has to be outdoors, he is VERY feral, nocturnal, will not be captured or trapped, he has been neutered.  A lady that has a cat rescue across the street tried capturing him to no avail for months.  I finally earned his trust enough to feed him.  He's taken over my patio, he has a cat house he rarely uses, cat scratchers the same thing, he's gouged up my patio, house, and ramp posts.  I don't mean scratches, I mean huge shards!  The other day a bear came up my 40 ft. ramp onto my 8 ft stilted patio, after Panther (feral cat) he was in a sound sleep in his mohair lined basket on the picnic table...I never saw a 20 lb cat that is old and drools wake from a sound sleep and get gone so fast!  I flipped on the light and went outside and yelled at the bear, making myself look bigger (all 102 lbs of me) and chased him off!  Panther was skittish after that but is slowly starting to trust his environment again.  I'm also in my 70s, have lived here 47 years and not once in all that time had such a voracious animal made their way up to my deck!

My heart goes out to you and your husband, I know this is hard, esp. the images in your mind.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[Choogy]

Thank you KayC for your kind words and for that beautiful video.That is my one wish if there is an afterlife,to be reunited with every single one of my pets and I’ve had a lot over the years but they’ve all lived to old age except for this little cat.So sudden.Here one minute then gone the next.. forever.Very hard to accept.I dont feel I can talk to anyone about it.My husband doesn’t want to talk about it at all.Im hoping to be able to reach out and tell my story on here will help me.I am still haunted by that image of Lulu laying up at the back fence and also by that phone call from the vet.I hope in time it will fade for me.

To be able to gain the trust of your feral boy says a lot for the person you are.OMG and to think you live and deal with bears.Thats the type of thing I see on TV.

Im sorry that you list your husband.Nineteen years sounds like a long time but those years would have gone by so quick🤍

Thank you again for taking the time to msg me.I really do appreciate it.

[KayC]

You are more than welcome, and that hope is something I count on, to be able to be with the 25 cats and dogs that have gone before me along with the two I have now.  Not to mention my husband, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, favorite cousin, niece, nephew, friends...

Life seems much about loss and living with it...