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Lost my dad a week before Christmas


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I've been searching for a place to "unload" and I think I've finally found a place where I can. My name is Stephen (28yrs old) and I lost my dad in the early hours of Friday 16th December last year from heart related issues.

*Quick back story* When I was 5/6 my dad suffered a really bad stroke at the age of 50 which left him unable to use the left side of his body and became a regular wheelchair user after that as the paralysis was permanent. But in the following year when me and my brother were in our karate class he had a major heart attack. He thankfully survived but obviously this had a huge impact on his already bad mobility. He could still walk a small distance with his wheelchair with the aid of a walking stick. My mum became his full time carer thereafter. Through the years he would have increasing problems with his general health including leg & weight issues with it becoming more of an effort to push him in his wheelchair. He did suffer another minor heart attack and the odd minor stroke as well. Fast foward to November last year and he started to get a chest infection which really hit him hard and his energy became almost non-existant. He would have regular falls, have trouble getting into bed and need almost constant help from my mum who was starting to feel the pressure and it was obvious. He wasn't enjoying life :(

So fast forward to the early hours of Thursday 15th November and I am woken up in the middle of the night by my mum shouting up the stairs for my help. I come down to find my dad poleaxed across his bed making funny "exhaling noises" and urinating everywhere. We call for an ambulence and he is taken to hospital where his heart is shocked back into rhythm twice. We stay there for most of the day whilst tests and stuff are performed on him (including him "crashing" whilst still conscious talking with us at his side). Doctors are at first cautious saying he's stable but by no means out of the woods with one doctor saying "He is a very poor man with a very, very poor heart." We eventually leave late that evening. But around 12:45am me and my mum get a call from the hospital summoning us to to the ward. My brother and his family are called next to the hospital (CPR efforts and life support sounds are heard in the background he told me) as well. I drive my mum to the hospital and we make our way to the ward. But when we arrive we are all ushered to a side room to be given the news no child or wife/husband should ever have to deal with. My dad was not able to be rescusitated out of a cardiac arrest and he passed away at 1am.

5 & half months since and I still relive that evening when my mum called me from upstairs and the site of my dad on the bed and me having to almost manhandle him onto the floor whilst on the phone to paramedics :( I just can't seem to put it away at all. Maybe because we plan to scatter his ashes but we just can't afford the holiday to the Scottish Highlands (our regular family holiday destination) to do it :(

But I have some positive focus with the fact I'm participating in a charity bike ride for the British Heart Foundation which always falls on Father's Day here in the UK :)

So yeah...that's me.

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First of all, I like your accent even though I can't hear it :)

I too think about the day my mom died and the weeks/years leading up to that day. The memories come back whenever and I can’t stop it from happening. I usually cry. My emotions change daily. Sometimes it is even hard to get out of bed in the morning. But, I have my dog Bailey who is a wonderful alarm clock.:D

None of us goes through the grieving process the same way, but the feelings, memories and emotions you are having are completely normal.

I am glad you have the charity bike ride for the British Heart Foundation. What a worthy cause and I am sure your dad would be very proud of you.

Hopefully you will be able to scatter his ashes soon and that will give you some closure.

Take care of yourself and write as often as you want. We are here for you.



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