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My mama is gone..


seannalise

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seannalise

I lost my mother just over a month ago, on April 24th, though it feels like yesterday. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in December and quickly deteriorated after that. She had also caught pneumonia about a month before she passed, putting her in the hospital for the last bit of her life. My sister and I visited her the night before she passed, where she was essentially in a morphine-induced coma. We were able to wake her briefly, telling her we loved her over and over, to which she replied, "Good!". That was the last thing she ever said to us. I got a call early the next morning from the doctor, telling me to get to the hospital asap, it was her time to go. I raced to the hospital as fast as I could. I walked into the room and my sister was already there, and everything as silent. We had arrived about 5 minutes after she passed. Her hands were still warm. She almost looked like she was sleeping, but you could tell she was not. The image of my mother lying there dead is burned into my mind. I think of it often. I thought it would be better by now, but it's not. I have tons of supportive family and friends, as well as a wonderful boyfriend and a 1 year old daughter who is the light of my life. I wish she were enough to distract me from the grief. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I wish I could just lie in bed all day, and would if I didn't have to care for my daughter. I don't know if this is depression or just grief. I hate leaving the house now and have a very hard time being in large groups of people as I get very anxious. I was never like this before. My mom was my best friend. I dream of her every night. I just wish the pain would go away, so I could pull myself out of this funk and be the girlfriend and mother I need to be. But I just can't do it. I have had thoughts of wishing it were me that died, and not my mom, but they were fleeting. I would never want to leave my daughter, but life is barely worth living without my mom in it. She was only 53. She should still be here.

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Daffodilfun

Every emotion, feeling, and thoughts you are going throught are the same emotions, feelings and thoughts that I am going through. I lost my mom 3 months ago and her death is still very fresh in my mind. The one thing I want you to know is that everything you are going through is complely normal. The grieving process takes a long time, but soon you wil be able to be the girlfriend and mom that you want to be, but it will be different. You have changed and that will not go away. You will learn to live a new life without your mom and that will be the hardest part of all. Someday, both you and I, will be able to remember the good times, the lessons taught by our moms and we will be happy again. Hang in there. We are all there with you. Remember to breath and love your boyfriend and daughter with all your heart.

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