Relationship with other parent after loss of one

[Ellenrose]

It’s been 4 years now since my dad passed unexpectedly. It was a traumatic experience for my mother since she was the only one there when it happened. She is still dealing with ptsd but is not willing to seek help for it, and just says she reads things about it that sometimes help. Very soon after my dad’s passing she moved in with us, since her home was to much to manage on her own (my hubby built an addition to our home for her) and at times i just feel overwhelmed since she comes to me for everything now. My sibling lives half way across the country so not much can be done from him. Some times are better then others but i feel bad that i have these feelings of not wanting to be bothered at a times. My hubby and i never wanted children so i have a lot of free time, and i feel like i need to include her all the time but at the same time i need my space a lot. I could never really come out and tell her this , she has always been extremely sensitive about these things so i just bite my tongue and do what is needed. I don’t know if there is even advice to be given for all of this , i think i just needed to “say” it all out loud. My hubby is absolutely wonderful and listens whenever i need to vent but i also don’t want to put him in the middle of how i'm feeling about everything. There are so many things we/i want to do and i feel guilty not including her but at the same time she has never been the best at traveling, a lot goes into it and is more stressful so it’s not just pack and go like my hubby and i are. It’s just difficult and she says all the time how she never wants to be a burden on anyone.. and she isn’t at all, it’s just my very independent lifestyle and personality that gets in the way. my dad and i had the same personality where we did everything and hardly ever asked for assistance, but my mom has always had him for 50 years by her side doing everything for her. Sorry for the long post, i guess i just needed to get it all out. Thanks all for taking the time to read. Any advise is extremely welcomed, or just your opinion. ♥️

 

[KayC]

It is, of course, very hard to lose our parents.  My heart goes out to you.  I lost my dad when I was 29 and pregnant with my first child.  My mom made it into her 90s but had stage IV dementia.  I missed a lifetime with my dad.  My mom was hard...she was mentally ill and it was very hard on all of us.

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song