I see my late mom in other people & things; everything is beginning to remind me of her.

[n1ckp0t]

I lost my mom in September 2022, from a post-op complication of a hysterectomy surgery she underwent. Since she died, I've only been trying my best to survive; I wake up, I eat, I go to school, I cry etc. It's been harder for me because I am the first child, and I am trying to appear strong for my siblings and my dad, even though I know I'm not obligated to act this way. 

I know that people experience grief in different ways, but I have been wondering if there are other people like me who see their late mom/dad in other people and random things. My mom had a short chubby frame, she used to wear square-rimmed glasses (the type an average black grandma wears). On various occasions, I've found myself "mistaking" other people for her. I see other people that look like her, and my brain somehow replaces them with her, so I can only see her until I suddenly remember that it's very strange staring at a stranger that doesn't know me, especially in public. On some occasions where this has happened, I find myself struggling to breathe when I see such people, because I'm a few seconds to ugly-crying in the middle of the street. Even worse when I have had a really bad day.

My mom loved wearing hats, and since she died, I've started to notice hats more than usual. I see one hat, and it's a long conversation in my head of how she would have really loved that particular hat, or how she would have thought the color looked ugly, even though she looked absolutely gorgeous in whatever she wore. Then I'm suddenly reminded that maybe I shouldn't be thinking weird thoughts about a hat, and the next thing I know, I am in tears.

It's not been 2 years since she left, and I'm left to constantly wonder she died just like that, and why I have to constantly see my mom in other people or things, because I miss her.

My mom was rarely ill, she seemed so immortal while she was still alive. Having to now be in a position where I can never see her full person again, and I have to see her in other people instead, makes me feel so sad. The heavy type of grief sad.

It may be just me though, but I just sometimes wonder if there are other people like me out there.