Members wendeb Posted May 27, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 My 7 year old kitty came down with a violent illness last Friday afternoon. I took her to the vet (never imagining I wouldn't be taking her home again). I believed it was the small amount of chocolate she had gotten into the night before. After staying there a while, the vet suggested she be tested for FIV and feline leukemia, and that I could go home while waiting for the test results. The tests came back negative, but her white blood cell count was very low. She stayed in the ICU overnight. Her fever climbed the next day (reaching a maximum of 106) and still no word on what had caused the illness. Distemper test? Negative (but still a possible culprit). FIP? Maybe. We just don't know, but by the time Sunday came around I just couldn't imagine her being poked and prodded any longer, so we went and had her put down, in my arms. Now I can't get the image of the moment of her death out of my mind, and I worry that we gave up on her too quickly. I can't sleep. I feel so much guilt that it may have been her lack of up to date vaccines (she was an indoor cat that I would allow out under my supervision, but she got away from me a couple of times), or that she might have survived if we'd only given her a little more time. I don't know how to get past this. My husband and I are going to adopt again, but all I can think of now is how I'm going to memorialize Piko Piko (by making a plush doll of her in which to place her ashes, so I can still hold her close to me). I obsess over the clay sculpture I've made of her, the materials I will use, how I will cut the pattern, how I will make "her" as realistic as possible. I have schoolwork going uncompleted, and a job (where I set my own hours) going neglected. I have to move past this, but I just don't know how to right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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