Members LoriJ Posted May 27, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 I know II'm still new here, I feel awkward even posting. But I feel like I am truly losing my mind. We lost our son Andy January 30th 2012. He was 20 and he and I were very close. I don't know what to do without him. He battled a severe back injury from an accident in a football game during his senior year of high school. The last three years of his life were hell, between the pain and seeing doctor after doctor and just getting worse. Going from an extremely active young many with the world at his fingertips to unable to walk unassisted if at all. Friends stopped coming around...most were away at college. I have a neuro muscular disease that causes a lot of pain as well as an auto immune disease so I could relate and he and I became closer if that was possible. I was with him every step of the way. Except the day he died. He had been having a lot of trouble sleeping and we all thought he had just finally got to sleep so none of us wanted to wake him. Until it went too long. When it just felt like he should have been up by then I asked my husband to check on him and he found him in his bed. Each of us, my husband, my 15 year old daughter and myself all blame ourselves for not checking on him but we all thought we were letting him get some much needed sleep! Now to pour salt on the wound there is talk in our small town that has got back to me that I am a lousy parent because I should have taken better care of him. I don't know how many times I had already run that through my head...if only I had checked on him. If only I had taken him breakfast. He might still be here. There are so many "if only's" . I was by his side constantly. If he was in the hosptial I stayed with him. I rarely left the house and if I did it wasn't for more than an hour. I had tried and tried to tell his doctors that something was wrong (He died from an accidental overdose from his fentanyl patches that he was presecribed for pain...he had symptoms that either he has the severe side effects of that his patches were defective from the start but we didn't know that's what was going on and his PM doctor never said a word) Did I kill my son? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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