Small town talking

[LoriJ]

I know II'm still new here, I feel awkward even posting. But I feel like I am truly losing my mind. We lost our son Andy January 30th 2012. He was 20 and he and I were very close. I don't know what to do without him. He battled a severe back injury from an accident in a football game during his senior year of high school. The last three years of his life were hell, between the pain and seeing doctor after doctor and just getting worse. Going from an extremely active young many with the world at his fingertips to unable to walk unassisted if at all. Friends stopped coming around...most were away at college. I have a neuro muscular disease that causes a lot of pain as well as an auto immune disease so I could relate and he and I became closer if that was possible. I was with him every step of the way. Except the day he died. He had been having a lot of trouble sleeping and we all thought he had just finally got to sleep so none of us wanted to wake him. Until it went too long. When it just felt like he should have been up by then I asked my husband to check on him and he found him in his bed. Each of us, my husband, my 15 year old daughter and myself all blame ourselves for not checking on him but we all thought we were letting him get some much needed sleep! Now to pour salt on the wound there is talk in our small town that has got back to me that I am a lousy parent because I should have taken better care of him. I don't know how many times I had already run that through my head...if only I had checked on him. If only I had taken him breakfast. He might still be here. There are so many "if only's" . I was by his side constantly. If he was in the hosptial I stayed with him. I rarely left the house and if I did it wasn't for more than an hour. I had tried and tried to tell his doctors that something was wrong (He died from an accidental overdose from his fentanyl patches that he was presecribed for pain...he had symptoms that either he has the severe side effects of that his patches were defective from the start but we didn't know that's what was going on and his PM doctor never said a word) Did I kill my son?

[mikesmum]

Lori ~ My heart broke and my breath caught reading your post.

A healthy son, with so much to live for, debilitated through no fault of his own. Coming to terms daily with pain, disability just wanting to sleep ~ its a story so familiar.

Mike was 31 when he died from an overdose of his prescribed pain management drugs.

A gentle man/child who found himself through his love of music, working as a chef and a circle of friends who had travelled with him from high school.

When his body began to breakdown he lost the career he loved. The numerous surgeries and recoveries saw his friends fade away. About then he lost the love of his life.

His new partner was less than caring. After 2yrs and one baby she says she found him 'not quite right' one morning, but left him to 'sleep' for another 50mins.

I don't think you killed your son. I doubt that anyone who comes here wants nothing more than to have that time back, knowing what they know and might do things differently, but no kill your son.....I don't believe that to be the case.

I had Mike here for 10 days before he died. He was trying to work out his pain management and his relationship. I talked to him, wanted him to know that he wasn't alone...that he was loved. I will never know exactly what happened the night before that horrific morning.

Only after he died did we find out he was dispensed 210 oxycodone, large doses of Valium, oxycontin 2 days before he died. He made calls to his ex girlfriend, his biological father and another around 2am that morning. His partner says she didn't hear anything. I doubt she was home.....

I hope you are able to post on the Loss of an Adult thread....talk about your son, the boy you knew before he was injured, the times you shared.

I hold the belief that our children are more than one day...that day.....Take Care...Trudi

[Maddy6]

Lori, I cried as I read your story. I am so very sorry for the hurt and pain Andy went through. I am also very sorry that you would deal with callous, cruel people who would spread unkind rumors. NO, it is not true. You certainly did not kill your son. You loved him and were there for him to fight the unfortunate circumstances life dealt him. You suffered with him through the injury he incurred, suffered with him while he struggled with the results of the injury, and are suffering now in his death. You have been through very, very much.My daughter died in 2007 and I have found from coming to this site that we all struggle with guilt and self blame at some point. I have had to work very hard to not blame myself, even though I know it was not my fault. I think as parents we will always feel responsible for our children and perhaps that is why, I am not sure. Anyway, anyone cruel enough to make the accusations you state should be distanced. A rumor like you describe goes beyond thoughtless and dumb. It's only motive could be to inflict more pain on someone who has already suffered immensely.Lori, when you click on "loss of child," there is another thread called "loss of adult child." click on that and post there. That is the thread everyone uses. On that thread you will meet many other caring souls who know and understand your pain.You are not alone and we care.LOVE,MADDY

[shorty16]

Forever Andy's mom

You did not kill your son. I went through the same blame-game when Brian decided to climb on the hood of a car and his friend decided to drive 68mph - lost control and hit several trees. Brian hit the ground and was dead within minutes. The crash scene is 1/4 mile from our house.

You will survive this nightmare by recognizing the amount of love we have for our kids.

The blame-game is a form of self-torture and we become very good at it. I banged my head against the wall until I just could not do it anymore. That is how I came to peace with my role in my son's death.

Hang in there my friend.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Jeff's Mom]

I need adivce and I am not sure who to ask. I live

[Jeff's Mom]

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