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SADMOMMY1

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I am going to start this again.

Hello Everyone: I figure I am new here because I haven't been here for a few months. My name is Barbara. My son Christopher Thomas' pictures are in the gallery. He passed away suddenly in October 2011. I miss him everyday. I yearn to dream of him at night just to see his smiling face. My husband and I went to the cemetery today. We brought some flowers for the grave. There really isn't much we can do there because it is just taken away. We placed a big shell on the ledge of the stone because he loved the seashore as our whole family does. So far they kept it there. I had a dream one night that he was running and dancing through a field he just looked so happy. He went up a hill and crossed the road. I said to him,"Chris don't go up the hill. I may never see you again." He never spoke he just kept going and he was gone from sight. I realized it was the cemetery in my dream. What a dream. I just woke up feeling mixed emotions. Does anyone else dream of their precious child? I would love to hear some if you want to share them. Take care of yourself. I pray we all will find peace this weekend.

Chris'mombarb

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Hello Chris'mombarb, unfortunately we have something memorable in common. My son too died suddenly in October, 2011 and I'm still so overcome with grief and pure shock. I'm a newbie to this forum because I realize I've lost my will to live and need to try to seek support. It is not that I want to die, I just no longer CARE to live. Like some of the other grieving parents, I feel numb, empty, joy-less. He was my only son, but I too have an only daughter still amongst the living. SHE is my ONLY reason for living and it is because I worry she cannot take another death, otherwise I don't know. I've NEVER been suicidal and before his death, believed in living this thing called life on earth to the fullest. I learned early on not to take life for granted, but now ... it no longer has meaning. Two autopsies later and no answers, so he basically died of natural causes. He was never sick but had suddenly experienced a bout of seizures about 30 days before he died in his sleep. At that time, the hospital he'd been taken to had said he could have them again or he could never have them again, so a 50/50 chance of recurrence. He was 29, independent and full of life so he'd not let me, his sister or dad hear any weaknesses or hint something was awry in our telephone communications. He and I lived in another state than his sister and father and during my visit to St. Louis, the town where his sister and father resides, he too had planned to visit. The night before his flight he passed in his sleep. No one can imagine our surprise. A stellar father, he was in the company of his 4 year old, who maintains vivid memories of his life and unfortunately, his death. Its funny that my now 5 year old granddaughter is handling his passing better than me. My initial stage was mere shock but now I am just spent, heartbroken and torn over this. I can't imagine going on, but for my daughter I'm trying. It should have been me and not my baby, my only son. I must add that my mom died a year before and I don't think I'd fully yet grieved her passing because of how it happened. And now this. It feels like too much, no matter how many times church folks and others repeat the familar saying, "God wouldn't give you more than you can bear." If God gave me this, I badly want him to take it back! Take it back! Please! I'm barely mentally functioning. Like another commenter or poster wrote, I'm barely existing, barely surviving. I feel like Jesus when he was on the cross and pleaded for God to 'take this cup.' God please, for it is too bitter for me to swallow.

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Barbara,

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son Chris. There are others who have dreams and would love to talk with you. When you click on 'Lossof Child,' next click on the thread that says 'Loss of Adult Child.' on that thread, it does not matter the age of the child, for all are welcome, you will find many others who know your pain and would like to share with you. When you click on that, then click 'reply' at the top right, and you can begin posting. Many, many others will see your posts and reply.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Melinda, Yes, I know all about losing the will to live after my child died. Many of us have felt like that. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son and if you follow the directions I gave Barbara above, you will find many others who know your pain and your loss. You are not alone and we are here for you.~~~~~~~~~~~~~MADDY

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