Losing my Son

[Kelly Lutgen]

I have a 27 year old developmentally delayed son. He suffered a brain injury at age 2 and has been left with severe epilepsy along with a host of other problems. He just suffered a broken neck. He is rapdily slipping away due to all of his medical problems and I will lose him soon. He is the light of my life. I do have other children but I'm afraid to live in a world where he doesn't exist. Other people don't understand how bad this hurts. A lot of people tell me he would be better off. Other people tell me to let him go as if I have some control over when he dies. I even had a co-worker tell me that she felt sorry for him, but not for me and to make sure that I let him go. They act like I'm keeping him here. I am so torn because he is suffering, and sometimes I think it would be better for him if he passed over. But then the panic and piercing pain of losing him overcomes me and I get scared. I can't think of anything else and my home life, social like and work are being greatly affected. I know even some of my closest friends are getting weary for the end to come. I'm confused and scared. Help!

[Jeff's Mom]

I have a 27 year old developmentally delayed son. He suffered a brain injury at age 2 and has been left with severe epilepsy along with a host of other problems. He just suffered a broken neck. He is rapdily slipping away due to all of his medical problems and I will lose him soon. He is the light of my life. I do have other children but I'm afraid to live in a world where he doesn't exist. Other people don't understand how bad this hurts. A lot of people tell me he would be better off. Other people tell me to let him go as if I have some control over when he dies. I even had a co-worker tell me that she felt sorry for him, but not for me and to make sure that I let him go. They act like I'm keeping him here. I am so torn because he is suffering, and sometimes I think it would be better for him if he passed over. But then the panic and piercing pain of losing him overcomes me and I get scared. I can't think of anything else and my home life, social like and work are being greatly affected. I know even some of my closest friends are getting weary for the end to come. I'm confused and scared. Help!

Jonathon's Momma...I am sorry that you are experiencing such a difficult and heartbreaking time with this situation. You clearly love him very deeply and as his loving Mom you are faced with the heartwrenching very real fact that his days are numbered. I know it is hard to imagine living in a world where he is no longer present in your daily life. Why not come and join us on the Loss of an Adult site. You will be welcomed with open arms and will find that all of us have experienced the heartache associated with the loss of our children. It may help you to find some sense of comfort and strength...others here have walked in your shoes. Thinking of you and Jonathon. Take care.,

Kate

Kate

[BreathofAngel]

I have a 27 year old developmentally delayed son. He suffered a brain injury at age 2 and has been left with severe epilepsy along with a host of other problems. He just suffered a broken neck. He is rapdily slipping away due to all of his medical problems and I will lose him soon. He is the light of my life. I do have other children but I'm afraid to live in a world where he doesn't exist. Other people don't understand how bad this hurts. A lot of people tell me he would be better off. Other people tell me to let him go as if I have some control over when he dies. I even had a co-worker tell me that she felt sorry for him, but not for me and to make sure that I let him go. They act like I'm keeping him here. I am so torn because he is suffering, and sometimes I think it would be better for him if he passed over. But then the panic and piercing pain of losing him overcomes me and I get scared. I can't think of anything else and my home life, social like and work are being greatly affected. I know even some of my closest friends are getting weary for the end to come. I'm confused and scared. Help!

Dearest Jonathan's (((((((Momma))))))),

Thank you for coming forth with your heartfelt concern. I know what it is like to experience this kind of thing so I am with you in this.

One thing to remember about people who tend to advise you and speak to you with regards to your son is that many mean well yet do not know how to use the most appropriate words to express their feelings. Many indeed say the wrong things just as you are exemplifying when they tell you to 'let him go.' That is a very insensitive and inappropriate thing to ever tell a parent. Of course, imho, you cannot let him go. He is a very important part of you and always will be. The fact remains, however, that we are here in this dimension of existence for only a certain amount of time and when that time expires, so must we. Of that No One can escape. But when it happens, it is only our physical body that we shed and we immediately step into our Spiritual body that God has told us is ETERNAL! Therefore, Life Continues! However, that is not to say that we can just so easily let one whom we love go. That is not possible inwardly though outwardly some may indeed feel they can show others otherwise.

One thing to know is that when a loved one is quite ill, they are in and out of their body a lot, spiritually speaking. That just happens as research has shown. That means that they know exactly how you feel without you even telling them. Before they came into this existence they made an agreement in spirit with God to undergo certain hardships, trials and difficulties in life. This was meant to not only aid their own spiritual growth but that of others, certainly their closest of loved ones such as their parents because they too learn much from this process. It is in confronting hard struggles and the daily pain that we grow inwardly, spiritually speaking. God is aware of our pain and what we are going through. But He would also not give us more than we are capable of bearing. Remember that He too underwent much pain and tribulation during His life incarnate in this world. He knows what it is to suffer! But being your Heavenly Father and that of your son, He also knows the pain and disappointment you are undergoing. That is why He is with you at all times! He would not leave you or your son especially when you reach out to Him.

I know it affects you greatly, my (((((((dearest))), and that you are confused and scared just as you say. But know that I am praying for your son and you, and prayers are direct communication with God and God listens to our prayers! While we wish our loved ones would just get well and heal, that is not always possible in the physical sense. There are always reasons for this not happening and it is only God who knows the "why" of things. However, please know that since we all must make our transition from this life to the next at our appointed time, that too is a form of healing! If there is nothing that can be done in a certain situation, then God gently calls His child or children home to be with Him. That is something that we must learn to accept, because as said before, we must all undergo this not just a select few.

In the meantime, Love and Forgiveness is KEY to helping one who is ill! They are more open, on a spiritually energetic level, to knowing that both of these very important things are being sent to them and that greatly helps them along the way!

I will pray for your dear son as well as for you, my dearest, that God be with you both at this very special time. I embrace both of you and hold you with the love of Christ in my heart.

May God bless you and keep your son and you in His comfort!