death of a brother

[Patti]

Hi,

I was trying to find a group to go to in my area. But not much- as I read this site, it has already helped. I am a health care professional who has worked in life and death situations all my career but never dreamed it would be like this. It has been four weeks and I feel worse everyday.....I have a big family and we all are suffering deeply. My parents are elderly and I am afraid this will actually kill them too. I know the stages of grief, blah, blah, blah but the fact that anyone can be taken from you in a heartbeat is overwhelming. Especially someone like my brother who made the world a better place with everything he did.

My brother was killed while waiting for light to turn green by someone who ran a red a light and hit another car then flipped and hit him. He was a triathlete and has been training by cycling 80 miles every day for the last 2 months.

Beyond feeling like I have a broken heart, I am questioning my faith, why everyone walked away and why it was he who had to die. I also feel guilty for not always being there for him and not always understanding him but most of all I miss him and lament on the fact that I have to go through the rest of my life without him. I feel so sad for his wife, too.

Ok- that is my story and I thank you for letting me write it.

[ModKonnie]

Pattia,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your parents are probably stronger than you think; keep talking to them and let them share their feelings.

As you know, grief is different for everyone, and the rollercoaster of emotions continues for a long time for some and short time for others.

As far as your faith--you know that bad things happen to good people, and that we may never understand why things happen. They just do. If you believe there is a plan or Someone bigger than you is in charge, then there are just some things we accept even if we don't like them. Why is perhaps the hardest question to answer in these tragedies.

When my brother died in a car wreck, my family suffered horrifically, but we made it through.We were all changed, but life does that to people, and it is what it is. I know this is difficult at best.

I am glad you are trying to find a group. Feel free to make us your group. We will be here for you. Do you feel like posting any pics? Telling us his story?

We will be waiting to hear from you,

ModKonnie

[shellyku]

Pattia - I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Something so random is hard to comprehend.

My 29 year old daughter died from leukemia after an 11 month battle with the disease. I'm not

sure which kind of loss is worse: that of an illness (even though I never thought Sarah would die),

or that of a sudden, random event. Loss is loss. I was really struck by what you said: I don't know

why he had to die. I had the very same thought about my daughter. I have quite a few other people

in my life who've had very close people to them die, and even though I've felt terrible for them, it

was nothing like the feeling you have when it is YOUR loved one. I pray for some measure of peace

for you and just take this one step at a time.

[Patti]

Thank-you for your thoughtful replies-they are comforting. What is especially heartfelt is the randomness of good and kind people who suffered their own loss and are trying to help me. The roller coaster is a perfect description- I don't know how to get off the ride and I hate it but realize I will be on it for the rest of my existence to some extent. I will share about my brother when I can. Appreciate your time and sharing -

[ModKonnie]

Pattia,

We will be here waiting for you when you are ready to share. Take all the time you need.

ModKonnie