Im new here and i need help

[veestar123]

In 2010 I lost my baby brother to a a rare form of tumor caused by EBV (or mono). I spent that entire summer in the hospital with him. I didnt know what to do or how to feel, so sometimes i felt kind of empty inside and my mom and aunt would scream at me saying that i was dead inside. I was just scared. In September 2010 when my brother passed i was devastated, but that entire week was a blur to me. My aunt tried keeping me busy doing other things not involving funeral plans. But when he passed away i felt like i had no time to mourn. I had to go back to my sophmore year of high school two days after his funeral. I have felt like i have no one to talk to for the past year and a half since my brothers death. My friends abandoned me, and my depression and stress from the loss of my brother has ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. I feel like my life has fallen apart and i dont know what to do.

[vanessa17]

I am so sorry for loss. My brother passed away on April 25 of this year. While I understand the pain of the loss, I believe that grief and mourning are such a personal process. Try not to over-analyze what you have or haven't felt just go with what your body/emotions allow. I wish your friends would be more present right now but death is such a hard thing to maneuver. A lot of people don't know what to say, so they say nothing at all. Have you looked into any local grief support groups? If you feel like you haven't yet had time to mourn, allow yourself to do so now and for as long as you need to. I can say, personally, that there are days that I am emotional, days that I am nostalgic, and even days that I just shut down a little. I have just decided that my body can only handle grief in certain doses and times when I am not feeling much, I just take the break as a kind of peace (although it did concern me the first time it happened). I truly hope you find the support you need, either from your family, a group, or here. It is so good that you are reaching out. I don't know if you and your boyfriend are still together, but I do know that death can be very stressful on a relationship. I am married, and I realized that the best way to guide my husband through what I need is to just be completely upfront with him. I tell him exactly what I am feeling. I warned him that sometimes I would probably be snippy and short for no seeming reason. And I told him that all I needed from him was patience and gentleness. We have four kids, so while I don't have to go to school, I understand what you mean when you say you are just wrapped right back up in your daily life and unable to process. Try to find sometime and somewhere that you can go to connect to your brother and your grief in a personal way. Even in the short time since my brother passed, I have already realized that this is not a process with an end or a problem with a solution. I need to find a new normal and allow myself time to feel my feelings and heal my wounds. I hope you can do the same. Hugs.

~Vanessa

[veestar123]

I notice that right after my brother died i was sad but school distracted me so i never had the chance to cry much. When the first anniversary of his death cane around, and i found out that my other brother had a blood disorder i felt like i was falling apart. I started feeling angry and had no reason why. My boyfriend dealt with it for awhile until it got worse and didnt understand why i was angry at him. We are barely together now because he upset my mom one night that he showed up at my house because he though i had killed myself. I havnt seen him since. I am so glad you replied to me reaching out. Thank you. Hugs

-Veeanna