Members pbrinkley Posted May 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 Almost one month ago, I lost my girlfriend, best friend, and soulmate to heart disease while she was in the hospital waiting for a heart transplant. We had known each other for many years, but just about a year and a half ago, we had started to spend alot of time together and became quite close. You see, I was going through a divorce and she was already divorced, so she was a type of support for me. We spent almost every day together and became almost inseperable, we told each other everything and knew each other's deepest darkest secrets, all the time being just friends and nothing more. As time marched on, she finally was placed on the transplant list last April, she was so excited about this development because it meant that she may finally be able to conquer this disease once and for all. Months went by with no change in her status but she was becoming sicker and sicker. She was admitted to the hospital in December 2011 where she was told she would stay until a heart became available for her. There were a couple of close calls, but no hearts were coming to match hers, meanwhile, she continued to get sicker. She was the strongest and most inspirational person that I have ever met in my life. She never was willing to give up and she continued to stay positive, you see, she had a 12 year old daughter that was her life and she needed to get better for her. I was going to the hospital 3-4 times a week which was an hour away and I would spend countless hours there visiting, talking, laughing, crying, and praying. Finally, her condition worsened and she had to have a major surgery to place a mechanical pump in her to assist her heart. This surgery took alot out of her and she almost didn't make it through that. From that point forward, I was going to the hospital every single day and I would post updates on a blog site that we had set up so that people could be updated as to her condition. Time went on and she began to improve, and in the meantime, our relationship began to take a different direction. We became closer than ever, and finally she started to introduce me to people as her boyfriend, which made me quite happy, since I had been teling her for a long time that I was falling in love with her, but she just never wanted to go in that direction. I continued to visit her every day and take care of her in the hospital and one day while I was rubbing her legs, she asked me if I wanted to get married. I was floored. I told her that I would love to and we would get married when she came home and recovered from her transplant. She started to have some complications shortly thereafter with bleeding issues. She was still very sick but continued to fight for weeks more. Finally, one day, when presented with the fact that she was bleeding again and they were going to have to go in and fix this again, she decided that enough was enough. There would be no more operations, no more poking and prodding, no more pain and suffering. We had a meeting with the doctors and nurses and she told them of her choice to stop all treatment on a set day. They told her that she was so sick that her chance of a transplant was minimal at best. This cemented her decision, and the process was put into motion. We spent the rest of the night talking and crying and planning for her arrangements. It was then that she told me that she had always said that she would not fall in love with me, but that I stole her heart and she was sorry that it had taken her so long to see it. Even her doctor said that she had finally met the love of her life, to which she said yes I did but it's too late. The next day was spent with me bringing her daughter to see her so that she could speak to her, and then the following day was with her parents. We all gathered on that day and spent our last hours talking from our hearts and saying all that needed to be said until there was no more to say and she asked us if we were ready to do this. To me she was the most courageous person ever and I am so glad that she got to do this on her terms. That was possibly the hardest day of my life and i just could not stop crying and I held her hand until she was gone, while her mother held her other hand. I am not able to get her out of my head and I miss her so much. We were finally going to have our forever after and live the rest of our lives together. I know she isn't suffering anymore, and there is no more pain, only in my heart. She was the best thing that had happened to me and I am not sure how I am going to go forward without her. Everything I do, see or hear reminds me of her and I just can't seem to get away from that. Thanks for listening. I know this is long, but it was the only way for me to get this off my chest. I could talk about her all day long, and when I get the chance to talk about her, I usually feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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