Loss of my miracle my son Bryan

[Timothy morris]

I've never done anything like this but at a point I need to let it out. My son Bryan has passed away on 1/18/23 from heart failure at 23. He was born with a disability lissencephaly and microcephaly was only given 2 years old. That's why me and his mother called him our little miracle. We have been separated for 15 years but we still get along both our priorities was Bryan not our feelings or desires. Best mother I could have ever asked for.  She is dealing with the loss better than I am. I have not done so. I owned my own business for the past 5 years but in the past 2 years after the loss of my youngest niece to a fentanyl overdose. That start my downward spirals I've ever been In. I started drinking again after not drinking for over 20 years. And smoking more pot and  doing other drugs. Now since Bryan has passed I have done drugs that I haven't done since I was a teenager mushrooms. Total self destruction business is failing my health ,my mind , my finances, pushing my friends away i'm pushing my family away. Not who I want to be nor the life I want to live. It's having a negative effect on every aspect of my life. I made a promise to my sister I would never take my own life and I won't but I'm doing things that may cause it to happen. HELP PLEASE !!

[widower2]

I'm so terribly sorry for your losses and how you're having such a hard time coping. I think you need to as you say let it out, however possible. Talking more with your ex maybe? Or other family/friends? Also consider seeing a grief therapist (not just a garden variety therapist preferably, but one who specializes in this). And of course if letting it out here helps, all the better, I hope it can. It's a great group of people here, people who "get it."