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Qiji (pronounced KeyChee)


Maddy6

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alwaysbelieve

Welet our baby Qiji go last Monday. I held her as she took her last breath. Neverdid I think I would feel such pain losing a pet. WTH. I lost my son 6-1/2 yearsago...how can this pain be so similar? She was a dog. A dog. He was my son. GodI hurt so much.

Myson passed due to illness in his own time (of course, not enough time for me).My dog passed due to illness on borrowed time. She had been diagnosed with animmune blood disorder 2 months after my son passed in 2005 at almost 2 yearsold. Her body attacked her platelets making her high risk/prone to bleeding.She fought it with everything she had, to the point where the medication notonly stopped working-it started damaging her bone marrow and we had to withdrawtreatment. That was almost 4 years ago. Yet, she survived. There were ups anddowns and several times we didn't think she would make it, but she did. Shefought on.

Thena year ago, things changed-never to be the same again. She ran random fevers.She would have days when she could barely walk. She was in and out of the vet'soffice/hospital and emergency center. But she was always at the door to greetus...most of the time jumping, wagging, barking and licking. She hung out withme most of the time & if I was in my room, she 'monitored' the househappenings...if my daughters came down from upstairs, she went to my door tosee who was coming and what they wanted with *her* mamma.

LastSunday, we returned home from an event to our loving girl waiting. Exhausted, Icrumbled in my bed. My daughter came down moments later, and my Qiji was hervigilant self. I however, didn't move. That is until my daughter cried"OMG Qiji! What's wrong? What happened?". Qiji having discovered itwas family, was on her way back into my room followed by my daughter...andcollapsed. The mom and nurse in me quickly assessed Qiji. Her gums and tonguewere so very pale. My thought was internal bleeding. Somewhere. I soondiscovered she had not really eaten the past few days...how did I not know thissooner??? My girls would put food down for her. She needed to eat. She needed'people food'. My daughter grabbed her leftover cheeseburger from TGIFridays.Qiji ate well. So I watched her for an hour or so. No real improvement & mehaving to work the next day sent us to the emergency vet. Blood tests wereskewed & their solution was keeping her overnight with 'supportive care'.I'll take her home, thanks. If she isn't going to make it through the night,she will be with me. She was lying next to me in the morning. She responded tomy touch.

Ihad my daughter take her to the vet because I had to go to work. I called thevet on my break at 10:30am...they had done an x-ray, but her doc was notavailable and they were still waiting on an ultrasound. I called again at2:15pm...doc was on lunch. I made an appointment to see him & discuss theresults/treatment options as I knew this was not good. On my way home, doccalled. "I am so sorry." Wait. What??? Was my Qiji still with us? (Icould not bring myself to ask what I was thinking, so I let him continuetalking) "The blood tests look horrible. Her spleen is severely enlarged.It looks like her immune system is attacking her red blood cells as well. Thereisn't anything we can do. I'm sorry." He went on to tell me the only treatment option we could go with andthat he was 'really not confident it will work'. It was time.

Mydaughters were at the ice rink 20 minutes away. My sons were 8-1/2 and 12-1/2hours away. My vet & I spoke often about 'when'. He knew I was strugglingwith "What if she can make it through. Let's give her time." Therewouldn't be time for my boys to be there. She would not make it through thenight this time. Doc would not have thrown the 'time thing' out there.

Aftercalling my daughters to come home, I called each of my boys and waited for mygirls...

Wedrove to the vet. We waited outside for a room briefly. We were in the room forunder a minute when they brought Qiji in. She was so weak. We all sat on thefloor and held her. We cried. I took pictures and videos. I left the room for abit so the girls could have some time since Qiji wouldn't really leave my side.A short time after I returned, someone came to check on us. I nodded. A fewminutes later, they took Qiji back for sedation, returning her to us for our lastgoodbyes. With us all still sitting on the floor, I held her while she driftedto sleep. Then doc came in. He stood by the table. "You are not making mecome up to your level, are you?" I said. He paused. "I guessnot." He crouched on the floor next to me...shaved her frontleg...inserted the needle...the end was beginning. I felt her last breath. Ifelt her last heartbeat. I felt my heart break.

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ModKonnie

I am so very sorry about the loss of Qiji. A pet loss can be devastating, particularly after such a profound loss such as your son. I am sure this loss is certainly stirring up some powerful emotions. You can talk to us about them; we will be here for you.

Do you feel like posting a picture in the gallery? We love to see your precious.

You are not alone; we are here listening.

ModKonnie

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I am deeply sorry for the loss of Qiji. I read your story with tears in my eyes. I agree about the loss of a pet, and a child. My daughter died 4 years ago. The following years we understandably experienced difficulties as a result. We are only now beginning to improve. However, one of the things that helped us was a little dog named Henry. Henry loved life when we could not. Henry found every day a joy and bounded through it elated to be alive. Our whole family hung on to Henry. He was our life line that there was still joy in the world. I have come to think of him as my child. I know one day he will have to die. I try not to think of it. I will forever be grateful to that little dog, who I believe actually saved my son's life, just by his presence. So I understand. I understand how a pet, a dog, can comfort us when we are heartbroken. How thier love is given freely to us in our time of need. When it is time to let go of that pet it is like letting go of a child because that is how deeply we loved them. That is why it hurts as much as your son's death. Qiji was more than a dog to you. Your love for him was so strong and deep. Qiji was also your child. I am also guessing Qiji was there for you and your family the way Henry was there for us. I pray you will find comfort in all the sweet and precious memories you have of Qiji and know that Qiji loved you just as much.

Love,

Maddy

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