SO sad

[vanessa17]

Hi everyone. My name is Vanessa and I am experiencing the most difficult loss I have ever lived through. On April 25, my older brother, Josh, was taken from us suddenly and unexpectedly. I am heartbroken. I have 2 older brothers and both have struggled with drug abuse and addiction for a large portion of their lives. One of the most difficult things to process right now is that Josh has just finished a voluntary in-patient treatment program. He was in the process of moving into his own place again from a half-way house and seemed to be piecing his life back together again. Josh was 4 years older than me. We had a sometimes strained, but an always loving relationship. I am on a grief roller coaster that I fear is just beginning. I am married with 4 kids so my daily life is readily distracting, but I can't think of much else. And I am constantly worried about my other brother who is still struggling with his addiction. He is safe right now because he is incarcerated in a special facility that also rehabilitates, but I know he is afraid of what is going to happen when he is released. I am torn between knowing that I can not enable any destructive behavior, but I also can't mourn a second brother, either still alive but lost to drugs or dead himself. I am happy to have found this group. I often turn to writing and forums to help me in life. The memorial service is this Saturday. I really love my brother.

[ModKonnie]

Vanessa,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother and your other brother's struggle with addiction.

Concentrate right on grieving for your lost brother. Your other one is getting help, and let's pray he will come out with a new perspective on life. You can tell me about his treatment later, if you want. I run a therapeutic treatment community at a prison. It is very intense, and it is very successfu. I hope he is in one.

Addiction is a terrible disease to fight, and the impact of it is long reaching, even for family members who don't abuse. You are right--you need to love and encourage but not enable. That's such a hard line to draw, isn't it?

As for your grieving, you will experience the roller coaster many times before your emotions are processed and you learn how to move forward with you life. It's tough, but talking about how you feel is a great way to deal with all of this.

Do you have any grief and loss groups in your area? what about Al-Anon? Both types of meetings would help you.

In the meantime, we will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[Ladymilky]

Hi Vanessa my situation isn't the same as yours but I lost my younger brother through suicide it was completely unexpected he did not take drugs that was nothing to do with it. But my older brother smokes weed I find myself in extreme panic when I don't know where here he is as he has a very depressive nature I dont know if he does any other drugs but by the sounds of it best thing you can do is encourage and support your other brother I know grieving for a brother is really tough but worrying about another is hard to just try to take time out to grieve as hard as that Is x