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Grieving loss of entire family in last 1 1/2 years


San Andreas

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San Andreas

Hello - I am new here. I am in despirate need of support and looking for a group of people to share with. In the last 2 years I have lost my entire nuclear family, plus several others. The last being my father 2 weeks ago. I am terribly fatigued and feel alone, scared and depressed.

Briefly:

I lost my 80 year old father 2 weeks ago. He was the picture of health until 2 months ago, when he started having pain. He was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive form of renal cancer. He died in my arms at hospice.

In January I lost my only brother (45) He died of an accidental overdose. He was having problems coping with the death of my mother and having marital problems. He left behind 2 young daughters.

A year and a half ago I lost my mother after a long and ugly illness. I had moved in with my parents to help my father with her as I had just divorce and was in a position where I could retire early.

In the last 2 years I have also lost 3 uncles, 2 aunts, a close friend and 2 cats (I was unable to have children so my cats are my furry kids)

I do have friends who are a great help, and am trying to be around them as often as possible. However the last couple days, I feel I want to do nothing but sleep. I made an excuse yesterday to a friend who was scheduled to come over for the day. I have my cousins visiting today and am fighting myself not to call them off too. I know that many will tell me, be alone if that is what you feel like doing, but I am a recovering alcoholic, which was a result of my wanting to be alone during and after my divorce. For me, crawling into a cave may lead to crawling into a bottle. So I am looking for other ways to cope this time.

Any help or comments will be greatly appreciated. Friends keep telling me what a strong person I am being able to deal with all these crosses to bear. One friend commented "you are under so much stress you should be a diamond by now" I don't feel like a diamond, more like a marshmallow.

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Hi San Andreas:

I am new here too. I just started posting a little while ago. I just wanted to let you know I am here. You definitely seem to be in a tough situation. I'm hurting too, so maybe each day we can try to hurt a little less together. I lost a close member of my family too, so I am trying to open my heart to a "new" family - one that may not be blood-related but is there for me.

Have you ever gone to AA meetings? Perhaps they can help lift you up and keep you on track too.

Always,

Prosim

Hello - I am new here. I am in despirate need of support and looking for a group of people to share with. In the last 2 years I have lost my entire nuclear family, plus several others. The last being my father 2 weeks ago. I am terribly fatigued and feel alone, scared and depressed.

Briefly:

I lost my 80 year old father 2 weeks ago. He was the picture of health until 2 months ago, when he started having pain. He was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive form of renal cancer. He died in my arms at hospice.

In January I lost my only brother (45) He died of an accidental overdose. He was having problems coping with the death of my mother and having marital problems. He left behind 2 young daughters.

A year and a half ago I lost my mother after a long and ugly illness. I had moved in with my parents to help my father with her as I had just divorce and was in a position where I could retire early.

In the last 2 years I have also lost 3 uncles, 2 aunts, a close friend and 2 cats (I was unable to have children so my cats are my furry kids)

I do have friends who are a great help, and am trying to be around them as often as possible. However the last couple days, I feel I want to do nothing but sleep. I made an excuse yesterday to a friend who was scheduled to come over for the day. I have my cousins visiting today and am fighting myself not to call them off too. I know that many will tell me, be alone if that is what you feel like doing, but I am a recovering alcoholic, which was a result of my wanting to be alone during and after my divorce. For me, crawling into a cave may lead to crawling into a bottle. So I am looking for other ways to cope this time.

Any help or comments will be greatly appreciated. Friends keep telling me what a strong person I am being able to deal with all these crosses to bear. One friend commented "you are under so much stress you should be a diamond by now" I don't feel like a diamond, more like a marshmallow.

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San Andreas

Thank You for responding to my post Prosim. I am sorry for your loss and will look for your posts to read more about what you are going thru.

Although I only started looking yesterday, I have been finding it difficult to locate a grief support board that has much activity. In a way, that makes sense to me. I know at this point I am having enough difficulty dealing with my own feelings that it overwhelming to think of reading about what others are dealing with and then responding to those posts. I imagine that many who have recently lost love ones feel much the same. The thought of going to an in person support group is just too much for me to face at the moment. Although there is one in my community. Regarding AA, I have never had much luck there, meaning that the groups located around me have always been bad ones where the majority of people were ordered to attend by the court and they would go right to the bar after the meeting (that is hardly helpful)

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Hi San Andreas:

Do not worry too much about responding on other people's posts. I am told a lot of people just read the posts of others and do not post anything. Everyone has their own way of using the forums, I suppose. You are the first person I have ever responded to here, so do not feel overwhelmed or obligated.

That's too bad about the AA meetings. Maybe there is a hotline that you could call instead - that way you do not have to be located near them to utilize them. Just an idea. Is there anything in particular that triggered your sleepiness over the past few days?

- Prosim

1335893355' post='86978']

Thank You for responding to my post Prosim. I am sorry for your loss and will look for your posts to read more about what you are going thru.

Although I only started looking yesterday, I have been finding it difficult to locate a grief support board that has much activity. In a way, that makes sense to me. I know at this point I am having enough difficulty dealing with my own feelings that it overwhelming to think of reading about what others are dealing with and then responding to those posts. I imagine that many who have recently lost love ones feel much the same. The thought of going to an in person support group is just too much for me to face at the moment. Although there is one in my community. Regarding AA, I have never had much luck there, meaning that the groups located around me have always been bad ones where the majority of people were ordered to attend by the court and they would go right to the bar after the meeting (that is hardly helpful)

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snoogans775

that sounds extremely painful. During my grieving, I have always fallen back to music, whether it was listening songs that were able to put my feelings into words better than I could, or the times I made songs to put my feelings into words and sounds through the pleasure of playing. I always found any kind of art was especially helpful during those really hard days when I didn't want to get out of bed, because it was something I could absorb myself into.

And even now, I sometimes blow off my friends when times get tough, but good friends always seem to be willing to wait a bit longer.

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