loss of stepfather

[lark265]

Eight months ago we lost our stepdad.....he was 85 and in poor health but largely upbeat and courageous.........I was holding the back of his head with one hand and had my fingers on his pulse with the other hand and my Mom (his wife) was sitting on the bed nearby........when finally there was no more pulse I told my Mom, "He's gone" and I cried and thanked him for being my real father........I hugged my Mom and she said she wanted to be alone in the room with him and I left.......................................the frist few weeks were bizarre - I had no real feelings one way or the other about his passing......then I got hit with a ton of bricks.........my anxiety went through the roof and I was unable to work (calling in sick many days).........I don't miss him terribly - becasue I know he is no longer in discomfort and is with his other family members.......but most days I can barely sit still or stay with any ease in my own skin......my doc put me on a tranquiilzer and it works somewhat........I feel guilty - like I did something to cause this, but I know I didn't.............anyway, thanks for listening - I will be back

[ModKonnie]

Lark,

I am very sorry about your loss. When my mother-in-law died, and then again when my father died, I was in there with them. I, too, experienced some sort of weirdness that felt as though I was disconnected. I can understand how you feel. It passed after awhile, but it was still really unsettling and uncomfortable. I was just overwhelmed, when I think back, about how momentous it is to watch someone die. It's like life changing and an incredbily almost spiritual moment. Is that almost what you are feeling too? It's hard to actually put the entire experience into words.

I am glad you will be back. We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[debbie8800]

lark, sorry for your loss, I know how yo feel, I lost my mom 5 months ago... Prayers for you for healing and comfort. May he rip.