Missing My Mom

[Jeniferxe]

I lost my mother on February 25, cancer overtook her body and the good lord took her pain away. I had my annual pap smear on Monday of last week and my physician and i discussed that I will have to go for my colonoscopy 10yrs prior to my moms diagnosis. After all my doctors appointments I always call my mom but this time I couldn't and it SUCKED! Not being able to talk to her the day of my Dr. appointment made for a crappy week and I thought of her often. Also having Aunt Flow visit (my monthly) didn't help situations either. The next couple of months our going to be rough my mom's birthday is on May 3, My first mothers day with out my mom, and my daughters 5th birthday. She always managed to come before hand and we would go shopping together for her birthday and we would pick stuff out together for her. I almost can't stand to go shopping anymore because that's what my mom and I always did when she came to visit. I know I still have my dad, brother and sister but it isn't the same. My dad and brother came to visit this weekend, its the first weekend my dad has come since my mother's death and it was really weird not having her around. We are all grown and live on our own. My brother lives an hour and half from my parents and I live 3 hours. My sister lives overseas due to husband being in military. Anyhow I was envious of my brother this weekend because I feel like he is bonded to my dad more than I. I just didn't feel that connected to dad this weekend. Am I being to harsh on myself or is it natural to feel this way?

[carlson120800]

I too lost my mom...I am missing her terribly as well. Don't be too hard on yourself as this is not a natural or normal process. Your feelings are validated regardless of what they are. There are countless hours of everyday and situation when I miss my mom. I too have two small children and every time they do something new I am overwhelmed with sadness instead of happiness and pride because I knew how much my Mom would have enjoyed the moment as well..I am too having trouble seeing eye to eye with my family. My brother just doesn't seem affected and I have become the parent to my dad. My Mom was my best friend in the last couple of years and she provided me with support and love that no one else will ever be able to replace. I have a huge hole in my heart. You are not alone in this journey. I would be glad to be hear to just listen as I feel that is something I need as well.