Distractions

[hlee93]

My older sister who was fifteen years old at the time died suddenly in 2005.. My mom who was already depressed fell into a deeper depression, and my oldest sister was having suicidal thoughts, and eventually moved out once her relationship with my mother seemed irreparable. I've had to support my mother financially the past couple of years. I don't know how, as the youngest daughter, I've been expected to cope with all of these things on my own. A lot of times I feel like I'm on auto-pilot, just going about my day keeping distracted with work and school. But once I'm alone and thinking about my sister, the tears sometimes feel endless. It feels like I still have to keep up the strong front when I'm with friends and pretend like everything's okay. Part of me feels like I should be done grieving by now. I miss her a lot and every year I think of the years that I have over her now. When people hear that she's fifteen, they think it's my younger sister who passed away. A lot of people don't know how to react; most think it's best to change topics - I'm not too sure if that's for their benefit or mine.

The perfectionist in me sees that life is still going on, and I don't want to be left behind. I'm also afraid that if I do stop, I might just stop altogether.

[ModKonnie]

Hlee,

I am very sorry about the loss of your sister. I know that after I "passed" my brother's age (he died when I was 14 and he was 21), I felt odd and couldn't ever express how that feeling felt. In my mind, however, when I think of him, he has somehow aged as I have.

Perhaps you and your family might benefit from some group grief therapy or even individual therapy. Self help grief and loss groups are also great ways to talk through some of the issues we face during the grieving process. For each of us, that process is individual, and it takes times.

We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[hlee93]

Hi ModKonnie,

Thanks, I also think about what my sister would have been like had she lived to today. It's been really hard lately since I'll be graduating college in a few weeks time. It really saddens me to think that I've forgotten the sound of her voice. I used to feel as though I know what she would've said given a situation, and now I'm worried that my projections of how she might've reacted are outdated as she would've grown up, as I have.

Initially, my family had some group therapy, and I've had/have individual therapy since her death. Funny how it's usually more than just a death that is the issue in many cases.

After my sister's death, my other sister was having suicidal thoughts. That had estranged the two of us from each for some time afterwards. Things have gotten a lot better since then, but I've had to look after my mother since then despite the fact that I am the youngest. This really took a toll on me at the end of last year, with feelings of hopelessness and disbelief that things would ever improve, and eventually I began considering suicide. Since then, I was prescribed anti-depressants and more therapy. I've stopped taking medication. I feel as if the ways I'm feeling are mainly because of my situation. Personally, depression is largely about not being at peace with the situation at hand, and I found therapy dealt with that much more effectively.

I still do feel slightly isolated from others because most people don't know what I've gone through or that I have been on medication. I partly feel as though if I told people that I still miss my sister they'd think, "that was ages ago, shouldn't you have gotten over that by now?"

I know I still technically have a life ahead of me, and there are still things that do interest me. But I also feel as though I'm keeping on because I know how much it hurts to lose someone, and I never want to cause that pain on others, especially my family members who have already gone through so much. Ultimately, I'm still living for others' sake, and that doesn't always seem "worth it." Maybe I'm just being selfish.

H

Hlee,

I am very sorry about the loss of your sister. I know that after I "passed" my brother's age (he died when I was 14 and he was 21), I felt odd and couldn't ever express how that feeling felt. In my mind, however, when I think of him, he has somehow aged as I have.

Perhaps you and your family might benefit from some group grief therapy or even individual therapy. Self help grief and loss groups are also great ways to talk through some of the issues we face during the grieving process. For each of us, that process is individual, and it takes times.

We will be here for you.

ModKonnie