stepdad.....

[lark265]

HI all.......just wanted to open up a bit.....my stepdad died about 7 months ago........and "grief" sure isn't what I thought it might be.....he had been ill for a while and his passing was not unexpected but the pain is still large........it doesn't even feel like sadness really.......it just plain HURTS...........like my entire body has been twisted up in knots.......I wake up in the morning and it's there, waiting......my stepdad and I were fairly close......he gave my Mom a beautiful life and I willl always be grateful to him for that.......I don't know, myabe this grief is partly for my Mom too.......she was devastated..........but she is making it slowly, day by day.................................GUILT.....there's also this feeling that I did something wrong........like I somehow actually caused his death (he died of a year's battle with liver cancer)........of course I didn't cause it........I didn't force him to drink alcohol to excess for years.......I was there at the moment of death, with my Mom........I was holding his head and feeling for his pulse with the other hand........he was in sort of a coma condidtion...........I felt his weak pulse for a few minutes and then nothing.....I told my Mom, "He's gone now".........unbelievable..........here then gone..........I guess if I was deeply religious this would make more sense and be easier..........it just doesn't seem fair - to have him taken away from all those who cared for him so much......nonsensical..............OK, thanks for listening

[Daffodilfun]

Everything you are going through is completely normal. The grief process is long and painful. Everyday will be different. You will soon have days that seem to make sense and that will follow with days that you want to scream your head off. When you see someone pass away, and are holding his hand, it makes it even more real. Hang in there and write often. It does help to talk about it and know there are people going through the same challenges you are.