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Loss of a Mother


boneca123

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I've scrolled through many of the posts on this thread. I'm so sorry that each of you are going through this now. My mother lives with us (just hubby & me) and has been with us for six years. Her doctor told her she has 2 - 5 months left, and that was a month ago. She has congestive heart failure and COPD and a myriad of other things. She is 78. Mom and I are so close. I had to insist that she come live with us after her by-pass surgery almost 7 years ago now. She is very inactive and has been in the hospital at least a dozen times in the last year or so.

She wants to die at home, but her pain and breathing turn to crisis mode and what can we do? We have to call an ambulance to get her to the hospital. She has refused intubation because her doctor said if she goes on a respirator, she won't come off and she doesn't want that. But I can't let her die in such horrible, horrible pain and writhing in my arms and silently screaming!

My husband is disabled and sleeps a great deal of the time so he doesn't always hear her. I have to work to support the family so I'm away from her all day. I've been called at work from her Life Alert company and I had to call a neighbor to go and wake my husband so he could go down the hall and be with her, and let the paramedics in.

When she is in crisis mode at the hospital she says she is ready to go. She wants the pain and suffering to end. But night before last we were talking about what we should do for her should she have the breathing problems again, etc. and she said "lets not talk about this anymore" and I said "Yes, lets not - I'm not ready to let you go" and she replied "I'm not ready to go"

I know it won't be long. I've always known that she would go before me, but this almost unbearable. I had been out of work for two years and am on a 90-probation with a new company and they have zero tolerance for missed work, or coming in late. I'm terrified to take any time off--plus it would be unpaid leave and I can't afford that.

The stress is so bad. I know that I still have one foot firmly planted in the denial phase because I think if I stop the denial I will forget to breathe and will drown in my own tears.

Reading your posts just makes my heart go out to you. I hope you don't mind if I try to take some strength from you. You each are going on and I don't know how I'm going to do that.

I'm worried about my husband also. I have some health problems and need to see a cardiologist. I've been having heaviness and chest pains -- which are getting worse, but I've had no health insurance. Heart disease runs in the family so I'm fully expecting that I will also need a by-pass at some point. Maybe even now. Maybe a stint will work, but I don't have the money to pay for that and I can't take the time from this new job. If I have a heart attack and die my husband will lose everything. His income is from disability and he can't work. Plus, he would lose me and that would really crush him. We are very close also and even after 21 years together I call him when I get to work to let him know I made it safe, and I call before I leave so "he knows when to worry" and we look out for each other.

My mom though, I just can't deal with this. Her dog (used to be our dog) who lives in her room with her will have to be put to sleep, and she's a healthy 8 y/o dog who is very loving toward people, but will fight to the death any other animal. She has a bite history and we can't even have her out of her room with my other dogs. She will attack and it's not a little argument with a few teeth marks and scratches -- she locks her jaws on and shakes and I have the scars to prove it. She's not adoptable and she will grieve for 'our' mother. I love her too, but I'll have to put her to sleep. That is also tearing me apart. I've never put a healthy dog to sleep. They are our children and we love them.

Thank you all for listening. Someday I hope we all will have some peace of mind and peace of heart.

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My mom passed away tuesday night. (Oh my God, what a bizarre sentence to write.) The viewing is tomorrow and the service on Monday. People ask me "was it expected?" I have a hard time answering that. She was 77, smoked all her life, drank wine like water, ate only red meat and screw the critics. So on that hand, it shouldn't have been totally unexpected. But three weeks ago today, she woke up in her own apartment, where she lived alone, strapped on her three inch red pumps and drove herself to her full-time job as a legal administrator.

We'd just finished a three week South America cruise and she came home with pneumonia. Then bronchitis. Still, she knew it was more. She insisted on MRIs, CAT scans, x-rays, blood work, the works. You know that old medical saying, "when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras?" All the doctors looked at zebras. Lupus, MS, chronic faitigue, chronic pain, hardening of the arteries, etc. It wasn't a zebra, it was a horse. Cancer.

She checked into the hospital two weeks ago for multiple biopsies and never came home. We were told it was cancer, and had spread to the brain, right away but on Saturday, (oh God, only a week ago) that she would definitely go home, would play in Vegas again, would have a "honeymoon period" before ultimately going in the next three months. Then Monday morning as I was dressing in preparation for a trip to the hospital, the nurse called to say, "you should get here soon, I think this is it."

She waited until my brother arrived from across the country and died tuesday night with her three children touchig her and telling her it was OK.

I don't really know why I'm posting. I just guess I still feel like talking and I've talked my friends dry. My mom is the only woman I know who thinks red is a neutral color; who wore three inch heels to work the day after breaking her shoulder (in two places) a year ago and seemed shocked when I was mad at her; who's boss was scared of her (but adores her so much he's become part of the family.)

I'm 40 years old but still her baby and I know my life has changed in ways I haven't even contemplated yet. I can't imagine life without her yet I know she made me of stronger stuff. So when will that strength kick in? So far it's been all arrangements (mom's filing system consisted of. "this is an important document so I'll stuff it in the Sharper Image catalog."

Like I said, I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I just want to share her while she's still so fresh in my mind, although she is one memory I cannot believe will ever fade.

I realize that every person reading this is experiecing their own loss and my heart goes out to you all. May you all find peace.

Diqnn

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diann, you have come to the right place. The people who post here have helped me thru all kinds of crisis, from day one until now which is just over two months.

Good for your mom!!! she's exactly what I want to be. Sounds like both of you had a great life together. Crazy things go thru your mind at this time. My mother was 81 when she died and people would ask if it was expected. I wanted to say 'of course it was, the day she was born'.

The strength will come and it will go. Gradually, it stays longer and longer. Only recently have I decided that I have more strength than ever, my mama is giving me hers from above. Life does change. I miss my mama everyday, but good things happen - you realize what matters. I'm 49 and as Dr. Phil would say "this is a changing time in your life"

Keep writing - and take care

Camella

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I've scrolled through many of the posts on this thread. I'm so sorry that each of you are going through this now. My mother lives with us (just hubby & me) and has been with us for six years. Her doctor told her she has 2 - 5 months left, and that was a month ago. She has congestive heart failure and COPD and a myriad of other things. She is 78. Mom and I are so close. I had to insist that she come live with us after her by-pass surgery almost 7 years ago now. She is very inactive and has been in the hospital at least a dozen times in the last year or so.

She wants to die at home, but her pain and breathing turn to crisis mode and what can we do? We have to call an ambulance to get her to the hospital. She has refused intubation because her doctor said if she goes on a respirator, she won't come off and she doesn't want that. But I can't let her die in such horrible, horrible pain and writhing in my arms and silently screaming!

My husband is disabled and sleeps a great deal of the time so he doesn't always hear her. I have to work to support the family so I'm away from her all day. I've been called at work from her Life Alert company and I had to call a neighbor to go and wake my husband so he could go down the hall and be with her, and let the paramedics in.

When she is in crisis mode at the hospital she says she is ready to go. She wants the pain and suffering to end. But night before last we were talking about what we should do for her should she have the breathing problems again, etc. and she said "lets not talk about this anymore" and I said "Yes, lets not - I'm not ready to let you go" and she replied "I'm not ready to go"

I know it won't be long. I've always known that she would go before me, but this almost unbearable. I had been out of work for two years and am on a 90-probation with a new company and they have zero tolerance for missed work, or coming in late. I'm terrified to take any time off--plus it would be unpaid leave and I can't afford that.

The stress is so bad. I know that I still have one foot firmly planted in the denial phase because I think if I stop the denial I will forget to breathe and will drown in my own tears.

Reading your posts just makes my heart go out to you. I hope you don't mind if I try to take some strength from you. You each are going on and I don't know how I'm going to do that.

I'm worried about my husband also. I have some health problems and need to see a cardiologist. I've been having heaviness and chest pains -- which are getting worse, but I've had no health insurance. Heart disease runs in the family so I'm fully expecting that I will also need a by-pass at some point. Maybe even now. Maybe a stint will work, but I don't have the money to pay for that and I can't take the time from this new job. If I have a heart attack and die my husband will lose everything. His income is from disability and he can't work. Plus, he would lose me and that would really crush him. We are very close also and even after 21 years together I call him when I get to work to let him know I made it safe, and I call before I leave so "he knows when to worry" and we look out for each other.

My mom though, I just can't deal with this. Her dog (used to be our dog) who lives in her room with her will have to be put to sleep, and she's a healthy 8 y/o dog who is very loving toward people, but will fight to the death any other animal. She has a bite history and we can't even have her out of her room with my other dogs. She will attack and it's not a little argument with a few teeth marks and scratches -- she locks her jaws on and shakes and I have the scars to prove it. She's not adoptable and she will grieve for 'our' mother. I love her too, but I'll have to put her to sleep. That is also tearing me apart. I've never put a healthy dog to sleep. They are our children and we love them.

Thank you all for listening. Someday I hope we all will have some peace of mind and peace of heart.

hello. your post hit home for me. my mom also had copd and chf and a bunch of other debilitating problems. she smoked very heavily all her life. she was born 6wks early and was born with pneumonia. so she started out with alot of problems. she was 52 when she died in feb 2004. i truely understand the "panic" when you go into crisis mode. the paramedics also wanted to intubate my mom but my mom said no. she was in and out of the hospitals and rehabs for the last 2 yrs of her life. the last 11wks of her life she never made it home. i would suggest to you to talk things over with your mom. ask her what she wants from the life she has remaining........quality of life. make a "game plan" for when she has breathing problems. know and understand what actions should be taken and when. if you and your mom decide that being at home to die is the best, then you should ask your doctor to bring in hospice. they are wonderful..........but they are all about allowing the process to take place on it's own with the patient being kept as comfortable as possible (w/meds). they are not in favor of calling an ambulance. you could contact your local hospice and talk with someone further before deciding yes or no. they are lovely people. yes, there is alot of pain involved with copd and chf both for your mom and for you. i understand that. it is very scarry. when i was caring for my mom, i quit my job to be with her full time. i'm not telling you to do that. i'm suggesting that you talk with your boss and even his/her boss and make them aware of your situation. this is something that you can not control. we do not choose the "proper/convienent" time for a loved one to die. one foot in the denial fase is ok. denial is part of the grief process. and that process does not always start AFTER the person is gone. it can start before. and your mom may also be grieving too.......she will be loosing you.......she has lost her independance too. so many things. just as long as you do not loose sight of the "real picture" since you are the care giver. sometimes we neglect our own care in order to care for others or to keep on a routine that somewhat works. but do be careful, your health is important too, both mentally and physically. check and see what type of government help you can get as far as medically. there has to be some type of assistance that you can get temporaraly. as far as the dog, i have put 2 dogs to sleep due to sickness. it was so hard to do. but even though tyour mom's dog is physically healthy it may not be mentally healthy (bite history) and that puts you (humans) and other animals in danger. it is like the iceing on the cake. it is almost too much for you to care for your husband, your mom, yourself, and a new job, but then the dog.......... i had that too with my mom. i had her, my 2 kids (toddlers) my 2 aunts that were mentally and physically disabled, and 2 dogs that needed alot of help/attention and meds. the dogs were too much for me. they were not put to sleep.....they died on their own. i (we) made it thru. this is not an easy thing to deal with. there are no easy answers. there are no right or wrong answers. it is what is best for you, your mom and your situation. try to be strong and stay focused. come here to talk/vent. we are hear to help/listen. i wish you the best. heather

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My mom passed away tuesday night. (Oh my God, what a bizarre sentence to write.) The viewing is tomorrow and the service on Monday. People ask me "was it expected?" I have a hard time answering that. She was 77, smoked all her life, drank wine like water, ate only red meat and screw the critics. So on that hand, it shouldn't have been totally unexpected. But three weeks ago today, she woke up in her own apartment, where she lived alone, strapped on her three inch red pumps and drove herself to her full-time job as a legal administrator.

We'd just finished a three week South America cruise and she came home with pneumonia. Then bronchitis. Still, she knew it was more. She insisted on MRIs, CAT scans, x-rays, blood work, the works. You know that old medical saying, "when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras?" All the doctors looked at zebras. Lupus, MS, chronic faitigue, chronic pain, hardening of the arteries, etc. It wasn't a zebra, it was a horse. Cancer.

She checked into the hospital two weeks ago for multiple biopsies and never came home. We were told it was cancer, and had spread to the brain, right away but on Saturday, (oh God, only a week ago) that she would definitely go home, would play in Vegas again, would have a "honeymoon period" before ultimately going in the next three months. Then Monday morning as I was dressing in preparation for a trip to the hospital, the nurse called to say, "you should get here soon, I think this is it."

She waited until my brother arrived from across the country and died tuesday night with her three children touchig her and telling her it was OK.

I don't really know why I'm posting. I just guess I still feel like talking and I've talked my friends dry. My mom is the only woman I know who thinks red is a neutral color; who wore three inch heels to work the day after breaking her shoulder (in two places) a year ago and seemed shocked when I was mad at her; who's boss was scared of her (but adores her so much he's become part of the family.)

I'm 40 years old but still her baby and I know my life has changed in ways I haven't even contemplated yet. I can't imagine life without her yet I know she made me of stronger stuff. So when will that strength kick in? So far it's been all arrangements (mom's filing system consisted of. "this is an important document so I'll stuff it in the Sharper Image catalog."

Like I said, I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I just want to share her while she's still so fresh in my mind, although she is one memory I cannot believe will ever fade.

I realize that every person reading this is experiecing their own loss and my heart goes out to you all. May you all find peace.

Diqnn

weather your mom's death was "expected" or "sudden" it still hurts very much and it leaves you with so many different emotions all at the same time. from what you wrote it sounds like your mom was an active lady that enjoyed life. i know someone that was "misdiagnosed" with pneumonia and it was cancer. she died a month later.......never coming home from the hospital. so basicall your mom was active until very shortly before she died. cherish that time you had with her. the 3wk south america cruise. she did what she wanted to do and had fun doing it and you were apart of that. also, as hard as this sounds now, take comfort that she did not suffer long. cancer is ugly and it hurts the ones we love. she probably did now in her heart that it was something more. maybe she knew long before it got to this point. it is very upsetting to the family to have a misdiagnosis. we take for granted that the drs know what to do and that they can fix our problems. but they are human too and that is why medicine is called a practice. i'm not taking the drs side, i'm just making a statement. my mom's treatment was less than top notch.........looking back. i understand. take comfort in the fact that you and your siblings were with your mom when she died. she was comforted by that and you all were able to give her her last wish......even if it was unspoken/unrecognized at the time. your mom is happy, healthy and pain free. she is still with you. your mom would want you to be happy in your life. grieving is a part of life not all of life. you will never forget her. life is about changes nothing ever stays the same. we are constantly learning. you will learn something from this whole situation. yes, the arrangements are so hard to do. the paper work and sorting thru her belongings is hard. do your best and take your time. cry if your need to, be mad if you feel mad, laugh if you feel like laughing. but don't stay down too long. it is ok to feel all those things and more. your strength will return. and your happiness will return too. it takes time. please continue to come here. i wish you the best. heather

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Hi. I can't believe I went to the internet for some comfort or understanding. I have a huge network of friends and family and am never alone. Ironically, alone with loss and a broken heart is how I'm feeling. I seem to be having some difficult days lately, probably because of Easter and Mother's Day. My mom died January 30. She had been diagnosed with cancer the week of Thanksgiving and was in chemo. However, she has always been a small woman with not always the best health and could not survive the chemo. She passed away suddenly, probably infection as her immune system was basically nothing at time of her death. Her WBC count was 0.1. She was 58. I live 2 hrs away and wasn't there when she died. I would have been there if we had some warning but we didn't. Thankfully, I was there the previous weekend to visit. Her heart stopped and they brought her back 3 times and let her die on the last. I never really considered not having my mother around at this point in my life. I always thought it was a reality for the future way out there. Our youngest child is only 5 and loved grandma so much...unfortunately, grandma wasn't at her Kindergarten program this week or will be at any others. My Dad came to our Home for Easter and will be her on Mother's day weekend. We will be at his for Memorial Day. I just miss her so much. After all the family left on Easter, I was reflecting on the Day and usually I would have done so with Mom and I could'nt. I think I need to call her and tell her that and I can't. I do pretty well for days, sometimes a week at a time and then, in a moment, my heart is in pain. Lately, this has been often. I know you can't do anything to help with this, but perhaps typing this will be good .

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Katysmom,

Your feelings are not uncommon. In a family we often feel like no one understands what we are going through because each person grieves differently. I think also, talking to people on the internet makes it easier to really share what is going on with us without fear of being judged. It is really a helpful tool. It does help to type out your feelings. Talking about what is going on with us is cathargic.

I hope you will continue to come and post with us and let us know how you are doing.

Take care,

Julie

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Hello To All!

My Mom will be gone 5 years on Dec.3rd.Every day, I wish she were here with me.But,I know she's in heaven with my dad(died 01-09-94) I talk to her all the time.It don't take the pain away,but it helps,because I know she hears me.

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Mommysgirl,

I am sorry for the loss of your mom. We are glad you are here! I hope you will continue to visit and share with us.

Take care,

Julie

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Hi

My mum died on the 4th march this year, She was only 51. My mum was taken very suddenly.

Febuary had started like any other, mum was helping me organise my house move in preperation for the arrival of my second child who was due on the 25th march.

She had spent pancake day with her grandchildren and everything seemed normal. That night she awoke with stomach pains and was rushed to hospital where she was told she had most likly caught something similar to food poisoning.

For the next five days she coped with the pain and sickness she saw a doctor every day and each time was told the symptoms will pass . On the night before valentines day My step dad awoke to find my mum unconsious in the bathroom he rushed her back to hospital where they performed an emergency operation where they discovered part of my mums stomach had died and leaked causing her total organ failure due to septescemia.

For almost three weeks my mum was in a drug induced coma on life support , we were told from the start the chances were not good but her age and fitness were on her side and that by rights she sould not have survived her first few hours after the surgery. I prayed my mum would make it, and honestly believed she would no matter what the doctors said.

My mum could cope with any thing.

Unfortunatly the attack on her body was so nasty that her body could not recover and other complications had started to appear.

So on the 4th march the decision was made to turn off the life support.

I was with my mum at the end I thought it was the right thing to do, but the next few days made me doubt that decision as her last minutes haunted my thoughts. But I needed to be there.

I saw and spoke to my mum the day before she was rushed to hospital I thought she had an everyday bug and would be back to it in a day or two so spoke to her like normal about every day not important things her last words to me were "love you". I didn't realise that that would be the last time we would speak.

I never got a chance to say goodbye and thats whats still hurting now, I put a letter in her coffin which helped a little and I read a poem at her funeral.

But I really wish I could go back to the last time we spoke and tell her How much she meant to me and my younger brother, thats the dream I have each night now. I sit and tell her all thats happened and give her a hug and for just a second after I wake I think she is still here.

I know my mum had a good life, she was travelling all over the world in the last few years and she deserved it after spending most of her younger years looking after me and my brother.

I can't believe shes not here anymore I'd give any thing for one more minute with her but I know that will never happen now.

I thought she would be here forever and that losing someone happened to other people..but this time it happened to me .

I hope everyone can find there own form of peace and comfort, mines in my dreams.

Take care

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twiggy1979

I am sorry to hear of your loss. My mom has been gone five years this April. She was 42 when cancer came and covered every crevice of her body, leaving her for dead. Often times, I am conflicted about what to feel or how to feel..more importanly WHEN to feel! I have a job that demands my undivided attention and I do well, and when that's finished....I battle on whether remaining "that" strong or crumbling to pieces, and never decide. I am left with this constant battle that wears me out physically and emotionally. I don't ever talk about her, because I'm uncertain on how that will help, just sounds like I'm whining mostly. Ah, some days..there are no words, except "it hurts."

Hello To All!

My Mom will be gone 5 years on Dec.3rd.Every day, I wish she were here with me.But,I know she's in heaven with my dad(died 01-09-94) I talk to her all the time.It don't take the pain away,but it helps,because I know she hears me.

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frmijac1211

Hi,

How's everyone doing? I'm not doing too well this weekend, no matter how hard I try to hide it, I am still a mess inside. This is the first Mother's Day without my mom. I'm going to the cemetary in the morning, my mother took a piece of me when she left, I may heal to a certain extent, but I will never be the same. I feel so lost without my momma, I still can't believe she is gone. I just sit and shake my head. If you can hear me momma, I miss you!! I love you forever!! Happy Mother's day!!

Fred

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It has been many months (last October) since I posted to this list. I wanted to share a very special thing that happened on the day of the first anniversary of my Mother's death (April 21).

On the day she died when my Dad, sister and I went back to Mum and Dad's unit a white orchid that I had given her for a Mother's Day was in bud. I bought it home where it bloomed some weeks later as it did every May. I really did not think much of this at the time.

This year it budded early and I bought it inside so that the possums would not eat it. It still did not occur to me that something special was to happen.

On the morning of the day one year after my Mum died, I walked into the kitchen in a rush to go to work and there was the orchid in full bloom - a month earlier than any other year. It was pure and white and perfect. I walked to my friend's car (we car-pool) with tears running down my face from the memories of my grief. My dear friend said only one thing "What a beautiful message!" and let me cry.

You know I thought a lot about her words as my Mum's last words to my daughter were "I'll always be with you". When another fried said that flowers and animals are known to send such poignant memories, it sent me scurrying to the Internet to search. I found accounts of other such experiences and wondered if this has happened to any of you.

The orchid is still in bloom and I know I will be sad when the flowers fade this year but I will look forward to seeing them again next year. I can't say I feel my Mother's presence but it does seem like a small link.

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Hi Pebbles, I have not posted anything since probably october too i dont' know if you remember me at all but i remember you. Let me start by saying i think you are very brave for comming back to this site and i think this isn't a co-insidence at all that i came on the day you decided to leave this message too b/c for a while i was kind of embarassed to come back but beyond indigo has never left my mind or all the kind words that people have told me in the past here. I hope everyone is doing well(i won;t say great yet)and this mothers day was so hard again to go through but i tried my best to be strong so my little ones would not have a crying mother all day instead we had icecream and had a good day together. I kind of lost it in the card store though b/c my 12th anniversary also was on this day so when i went to the store to buy my husband a card it was like jammed packed with people buying mother's day cards. My son poor thing made the mistake of telling me if i had boughten one too and i freaked, tears starting rolling down and everyone looked at me when i said "for what my mother is dead, i don't need those cards anymore", and i left the store. Neeedless to say i pulled my self together afterwards and although i didn't need a mothers day card anymore i still needed to remember her although hard at times b/c that is the problem i am always remembering her, but i was wondering if anyone still feels this way with these little (attacks)here and there. It was Dec,19th 2003 when my mother passed a way and i still cry every single day. What can I do or what should i do??

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middledaughter

Today is the last day of school and I am a teacher. My family always made a big deal about the end of school. This is my first "Last Day" with out Momma. I have had all the other milestones to deal with, but this is one that blind sided me. I expected the teary eyes and aching pain at the back of my throat on Christmas, Easter and Mother's Day. I want to crawl in the bed and cover my head with the covers and sleep it through.

I always drove straight to her house on the last day of school - even though I am married and have children of my own. I dread getting in to that car this afternoon and turning west on the highway instead of east to her house.

My "first year" without her is almost over. I know it is never easy, but this will be over.

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smileygirl847

I posted once a while ago. My mom died of lung cancer in December. Today was my last day of high school and I graduate next Sunday. It's so hard without her here. I know how proud she would be of me. I wish she could be there to see me. I feel lost without her.

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dreamspinner3
I posted once a while ago. My mom died of lung cancer in December. Today was my last day of high school and I graduate next Sunday. It's so hard without her here. I know how proud she would be of me. I wish she could be there to see me. I feel lost without her.

I'm sure your mother would be very proud of you. I just lost my mother to lung cancer as well, on 5/11/05. I am older than you--I am 38 years old--but I think the pain we share is the same at any age, especially when a daughter loses her mother.

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dreamspinner3

My name is Kim, I'm a 38 year old married woman who lives in Minnesota. My mother passed away from lung cancer on 5/11/05, a little over two weeks ago. She had been battling it for a little over a year and so my family knew that sooner or later she'd pass on, but it was & is still such a shock.

I miss her so much. I've been number since it happened & now some of the numbness is wearing off. The pain is coming at me hard and I am not sure how to deal with it. I feel so alone. My husband & I are having problems & so I don't feel very close to him right now, even though he lost his father at age 14.

Will the pain ever get better? I didn't realize how much she meant to me, knowing she was there alive made me feel safe, even when she was so sick. She was my mother, always there for me--now she is gone.

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Dreamspinner3

Two months after I lost my husband to lung cancer, he was my everything, my mother had a massive stroke. It took her 18 months in a nursing home to die. That was a little over two years ago. The grief of her death is still very heavy. I, like you, even though it took her 18 months to die, the shock of her actually dying hits hard. She once told me you never get too old to miss your Mom. I believe that. I miss her every day. I long to hear her voice. I understand your aloneness. There is a safeness that exists in the knowledge that your mom is still of this world. But I know that she is in a better place, where she is young again and her hair is long and jet black. She has no pain, no worries. I also know that she still watches over me. I grieve. I always will. What keeps me going is my daughter and my grand daughter. My prayers are with you. It does get better, but it never goes away.

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I posted once a while ago. My mom died of lung cancer in December. Today was my last day of high school and I graduate next Sunday. It's so hard without her here. I know how proud she would be of me. I wish she could be there to see me. I feel lost without her.

Your Mom is GLOWING with pride!!!! NEVER doubt that!

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I never thought losing my mother Margaret would be one heck of a painful experience. i've been tempted a couple of times to simply give up when the pain is too much. i feel like i have a gaping hole. i lost her last year in March 31. i spoke to her as she lay very very still. almost too still. sometimes i wonder if it's best joining her.....

i believe she's with all the time, just like my beloved dad is, too. i wear both mum and dad's rings but feel their warmth in me. it's unbelievable. it can't be true that she's gone. it just dosen't make sense at all. i want her back so much. it can't be true. i'm still in denial.

sue

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Hi my name is Kate. I am 23 years old and I am from CT. My mother died from a hosptial acquired illness at the age of 56 this past march. It was a complete shock to me. My mother is my best friend, I am lost and I am don;t think I will ever be happy again. Less than two months later, in early may, my grandmother (maternal) died at age 91. Ithas been such an awful time for my family and things just aren;t going well. I have been spending more time at home lately, I am in med school in new york, but have decided to spend most of the summer at home. I thought the intensity of this would wear off, but it doesn;t. My mother and I used to talk on the phone like 7 times a day and when I moved to NY, we got webcams to stay in touch and see each other. I can not live with the thought that I will never see my mother again. Anyway, today was my first wedding anniversary, I was thinking back to a year ago today or yesterday I guess (6-5) remembering my whole family and how happy everyone was dancing with my family and just an all around good time like most weddings and I just would have never thought that today I would be sitting here and my mother would be gone AND my grandmother. I miss my grandma a lot, but realize that at age 91 that this was bound to happen eventually, although the timing was justawful and the fact thatshe was so depressed and basically willed herself to death when my mom died is so sad to me. I could go on forever about all of this, but basically, I just needed somewhere to write a few things down and hope that this doesn;t bother anyone. I am out of resources and really don't know what to do. Thanks for reading/listening. kate

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lostwithouthismom

hi kate )

I don't really know what to say other then i'm really sorry about your loss.i kinda know what your going through and i know for me it was and still is the most painful and darkest period of my life so far.I wish there were some words I could say to you that would ease the pain but i know from experience that right now there are no words that truely console you as you have just lost the most important person on this earth to you.I know how it feels now that the shock of her death is wearing off and the reality of the situation starts to set in.The pain that your going through right now will probably never be matched and the journey through grief is gonna take you on a roller-coaster of emotions that are gonna vary from day-to-day.I don't really know what elkse to say or any of this even makes sence right now but i was just looking at a couple pictures of my mom and the pain is still here and i just found myself coming to this site.it really helps to share and talk about everything your feeling.the only advice i would really offer is to talk about it with someone and whatever your feeling etc...don't keep it inside.come here anytime no wonder how it may seem to you if you need to get something off your consciounce and i promise you'll feel so much relief and better(i did anyway).

sorry if my words seems grim or they don't make any sence to you.it's just from my own experience with my mother(Liver cancer-3years ago) and i kept everything inside of me for the first 3 years never talking to a soul about how i felt.i totatally isolated myself and shut down emotionally and now 3 years after it happened the issues of my guilt etc are finally coming to the surface.as you can see i still have some serious issues regarding with everything surrounding *it* as a result of no1 to talk to and share what i felt for the firt 3 years.

it i'll be along journey but and somedays where the lonelyness and everthing else really get you down but in time these days do come less and less.

well i better go now..i don't know if any of this helps at all ...but it kinda helped me to talk about this.my tears have turned to smiles

good luck and have patience on this long journey.in my prayers tonight;)

goodbye all...cliff

ps...Russ buddy how ya doing???check in soon bud and let me know how your doing.take care of yourself man and i have some stuff i need to *release* where are you !!!!! (lol) ...ya know me

cya soon i hope bud ;)

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englishruss

Cliff-my friend, im here dude....im always hear, my voice is just quieter these days...i still check in everyday, read the mails etc...you have my personal email address?, im here to listen 24/7.

otherwise im not too bad...taking each day as it comes, one small step at a time...ya know how it is right?. im fast approaching a big anniversary....on july 21st itll be two years since i lost my mumma...i miss her sooo bad...some days ive wondered how ive managed to live with such a shattered heart...but you do...you just do...theres no other way of living...you just get by right? you just do what you need to survive.

hows tricks cliff?...everyday when i check out the mails here i wonder how your getting on..with all your other personal things...be good to hear about them mate. one day....ill fly out to canada and we'll hook up! :-)

to ALL the other guys who have just lost someone dear...or are going thru what ive been and still am going thru...hang in there...there were times when i thought id never be able to live and stand tall again...but it comes back...you may not notice it at the time...but it does...the waves of grief DO get smaller..its not to say waves still wont hit you...but youll learn how to deal with them...be brave guys...wishing you all love strength and my best wishes!

hope to hear form you real soon cliff...thanks for remembering me!

keelynn: hang in there buddy....you know where i am..

all the other "older" members...love to you all.

from a rather chilly (for june) london, england....RUSS (HUGS)

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Thank you cliff, I am truly sorry about your loss and appreciate your openess and kindness.

I do have many people around me willing to listen, but i think at this point a lot of people, unless they have been thru it, do not really realize how much this hurts even though it has been three months. I mean I have had people compare it to breaking up with their girlfriend or the deathof their their sister's really close friend from highschool, there is no comparison. Most people my age do not lose their mothers and fathers. I find more people whotell me their dad died though, which i hope doesn;t happen to me for a very long long time. My husband's dad died when he was 20 and he has been comforting at times. I think I just find a lot of people want to offer you a solution or fix something for me or something, which obviously can not be done. I have a very close family and extended family and everything, but it is hard to talk to them, because everyone is goign through it and most people in very different ways, this has caused a lot of fights and resentment in my immediate family, which i often feel the need to mediate to my own detriment. I feel that sometimes I am so distracted by the anger i feel towards mostly my dad and the way he is dealing with it that my own grieving process has been a little impeded. I understand that we have all lost my mother and she was something different to all of us, but I just don;t understand why we can;t discuss things.

My younger sister is in such denial about how she feels and often i feel that she needs to be that way or something, she needs to feel like people are waiting for her to have all of these emotions that haven;t come yet, but in fact I think she is confused as to why she doesn;t feel them. I have seen her cry twice and never like hysterically. My older sister and brother are my dad's children from a first marriage and I never really tried to make a distinction until now, they loved my mother and she was certainly like a mother to them, but the bottom line is, they can call their mother on the phone. I remember doing that, I want to do that. My dad is a whole other issue that I can;t even describe without angering myself to tears right now. He was miserable for the first month, like unbelievable, distraught and then one day...NO MORE! HE is not going to live that way and that is all i can really say right now without getting into a rage that I will have to deal with for the next three days, plus it might take me three days to describe some of his behaviors.

Often I feel like I am turning into a desensitized bitter person. People tell me stuff going on in their lives, like one of my friends had a boyfriend of like 7 years cheat on her three times or something and she like stopped doing all of her school work, we are in medical school and like completly freaked out. Of course, I understand that this feels like the end of the world to her, but i find myself thinking thoughts like go talk to your mom about it. Also about the school work thing, my school works in like blocks of 5 weeks, so every five weeks we have an exam. My mother died the day before exams 5th block and so I had to make up all of the fifth block exams which i maintained all of my above 90 averages on and then my grandmother died the day before exams the next block and because people were like "just get as many out of the way as you can before the services" I stayed at school the day my grandmother died and studied took an exam the next day and another the day after that and then drove home for the wake and funeral, came back the day after and took three more exams and then had to make up the two i missed for the services. Like, do not even tell me it is hard for you to keep up your school work. ANyway, I am getting kind of detailed and a bit whiny here, but THIS IS NOT MY LIFE.

So, i have decided I probably need to seek counseling whichi did immediatly after my mom died with a therapist i had been seeing for years prior who proceeded to tell me that she did not believe anything happened after you died so I am goign to start looking for a new therapist one that specializes in grief and loss i think. I think the main problem is, my mom was my best friend, and alothough there are all these people whirling about in my physical enviorment, i truly feel alone. I think I have learned in the past couple of months what an emotionally incompetant adult I am and how much my mom truly gave me and allowed me to think I was doing it myself. I have a wonderful husband and great friends and still sometimes i feel like i miss my mom so much that I would rather die than live without her. I am not suicidal, these are just my desperate thoughts and my complete devestation talking. anyway, i will stop these rambalings before i scare people. I just can;t move on, don;t even understand these stages of grief and this process peoeple talk about when i feel that in any given hour i am in denial have anger and try to bargain with something. Well...i am off. GOAL FOR THE DAY: not to take a nap and get back on a regular sleeping schedule, while there is still hope for it. Thanks for letting me talk, hope this is not too much kate

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christie1206

biodork-My story sounds similar to yours. I am 25 and lost my mother in December. I miss her so much and talked to her everyday on the phone. Now when I get off work I am used to calling her. It is still a shock that I have no one to call. I feel like this has changed me forever. I am not the person I was before this happened. It is like the last shred of innocence is gone. I don't know who said it but you do feel safer knowing you mom is there, even if you are 25. Without her I just feel lonely and lost and horribly sad.

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crystal123

Hi everyone! My mom passed away in late April. It hurts terrible. I miss her so much. I'm young with 2 little kids. I talked with her everyday. As of a couple days ago, my dad's been dating and that hurts too. She was sick for a while. Am I being selfish?

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Smoking and death....I lost my mother to lung cancer and it seems many others have too. Not only am I sad, I am very angry...angry that she chose cigarettes over the people she loved. She knew smoking would kill her. She called it "slow suicide". She never admitted she was addicted...she said it was her only "pleasure". ONLY! I guess, nothing else on the planet gave her pleasure. Not her children or grandchildren. Not the people who loved her. She left this planet early...left the people she loved alone. I can't let go of the anger. Why would anybody chose to force filth down their lungs over life?

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biodork-My story sounds similar to yours. I am 25 and lost my mother in December. I miss her so much and talked to her everyday on the phone. Now when I get off work I am used to calling her. It is still a shock that I have no one to call. I feel like this has changed me forever. I am not the person I was before this happened. It is like the last shred of innocence is gone. I don't know who said it but you do feel safer knowing you mom is there, even if you are 25. Without her I just feel lonely and lost and horribly sad.

Hi Christie

I know I feel like I have new eyes now, nothing is the same and I don;t really know how to deal with it. I iss my mom so much and a large part of me died with her, ithink. I just can;t believe she is gone, you know? One day there is was talking to me about her hair and martha stewart's leaving prision poncho (she loved it, my aunt was gonna make her one from the pattern on the website) and then the next day she was in ICU and the next day she was dead, just like that, it is too much for me to take sometimes. Have you found anything to be helpful in dealing with this? probably not, but it is worth asking.

Also- I just wanted to say my dad is dating too. My mom had COPD but we were not expecting her to die anytime soon and my parents were very happily married for 25 years, they did everything together. I often get so angry about myu dad dating, but then i know hoe scared he is that he will never be happy again, but I don;t think you are being selfish, I think t is a natural reaction. Well I have to go help my dad with the BBQ dinner, it was just my first wedding anniversary and we are having people over. talk soon kate

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My mother smoked so much I couldn't even stand being next to her, it smelled so bad!

My mother died when I was 19...I'm 40 now. At the time, I was going to college and had a 17 year-old brother and an 8 year-old sister. My father died when I was 8, so they both depended on me and I wasn't ready for that. I had to work and go to school and make sure they didn't put my sister into a foster home even though she was playing hookey. I slept for 4 hours a night, if that. All I was left with was a life insurance policy for $20,000. The funeral costed $8000 and I put $10,000 away for my sister's college. I had to live off of credit cards until I couldn't anymore...so I declared bankruptcy and became homeless. I wanted to die.

It all was like a wierd dream...one day my mother fell over and had a stroke. The ambulance took her to the hospital. She couldn't talk anymore. They found a spot on her lungs and said it was cancer. They said the stroke was do to blood clots in her brain realted to the cancer. A week later the doctor said they needed to amputate her leg or she would die. She went through with the amputation and a day later she died anyway. I couldn't even tell her goodbye.

As a kid I used to get very painful earaches very often. I now understand it was due to being exposed to the smoke.

All because my mother got addicted to cigarettes when she was a teen.

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middledaughter

I keep returning to this site. The first anniversary of my mother's dealth is approaching. I am reliving every thing I did each day of last June. When I think the video reel in my head is going t drive me complete insane, I am drawn back here. To hear other accounts of the last days, hours, minutes lets me know I am not the only one with this script running continuously. I find strange comfort in this.

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but perhaps knowing that there are others of us sitting with gaping holes in the fabric of ourlives and we are thinking about YOU at this moment may bring you comfort.

Comfort. That is what we need from each other - and some that is all we have left to give. May you find comfort...

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Hi everyone! My mom passed away in late April. It hurts terrible. I miss her so much. I'm young with 2 little kids. I talked with her everyday. As of a couple days ago, my dad's been dating and that hurts too. She was sick for a while. Am I being selfish?

crystal123, hi there. my mom died in feb 2004 and by april 2004 my dad was seeing someone. at first i was so angry and hurt. i was so mad at my dad because my parents were together over 35 yrs and i felt that 2 months was too soon for him to think of anyone else. i was also mad because my dad's cousin was the one that introduced them. i wanted to hurt her for doing that. she was interfering in our life. you see, no none on my dad's side of the family liked my mom because she was the "white sheep" of the "black sheep" family. so they all were glad when she was gone. well, i soon realized that it was normal for me to have these feelings of anger and hate. i worked thru them and accepted that fact that my dad had a life to live too. just because he is seeing someone does not mean that he has forgotten my mom. plus, my mom would want my dad to be happy. she wants us all to be happy. the woman that my dad is still seeing is very nice. they get along so well and they seem happy. she is very respectful when we talk about my mom and our memories. she even cooked easter dinner in my mom's house (kitchen) with my dad and we all were ok with it, i think because of her attitude of respect. it is a hard situation to see our remaining parent with someone else. it took some time for me to accept it. but remember that they need to live their life to the fullest and they need to be happy too. i wish you the best. heather

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to qopel1, heather here. my mom also smoked ALOT. she started when she was 11yrs old. she died when she was 52. she was a serious chain smoker. if she got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, she lit a cigarette first. she ALWAYS had one in her mouth or in her hand no matter what she was doing. cooking, cleaning, swimming, riding a bike, walking the dog, even holding a baby. it was bad. however, i can say that smoking was her ONLY downfall. everything else about my mother was amazing and perfect. she was very sick her last few years of life and required alot of care from us and she was in the hospital more than she was home. she had COPD and lung cancer and several other health problems. we tried all our lives to get her to stop smoking. we went to all extremes. but the thing is SHE had to do it for HERSELF NOT US. and she did not want to quit. it gave her pleaseure. i understand what you mean by what about kids and grand kids giving her pleasure. that is what i thought too. but it is a different kind of pleasure. the wrong kind. a false pleasure. just like alcoholics and drug addicts. it is a false pleasure. smokers are brain washed into feeling/thinking that smoking has some possitive attributes. i understand that you are angry. i was angry for so long myself, both before she died and after. i felt that if she had stopped smoking when she was younger that she would still be here now. my mom NEVER said that smoking was bad or that it would kill her. she was in complete denial. she thought we all were full of bull for telling her things like it is bad for you ect. anger is something that we have to work very hard to get thru. we need to acknowledge it, accept it, work thru it and then move on. if we stay with in the anger it will eat us apart. it will effect every aspect of our daily life. we can't hold on to it. smoking is something that i personally do not understand and it seems to me that you may feel the same way too. so we need to try to show respect for that fact that this was a weekness in our mother's personality. remember that now our mothers have learned the true meanings of all that they did and did not do here on earth. they truely understand our feelings and how badly their smoking hurt us. they have learned from this and have moved on and we need to do the same. i hope i made some sort of sence here. i wish you the best. heather

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Hi everyone, hope everyone is doing alright. My mother died of lung cancer in december 19th of 2003. It is still quite hard to deal with. I go on, sure i get up everyday just for the sake of my kids to get them to shcool etec.. but my heart will forever be missing a part. We have this saying that "children are your children till they grow up and move on, but a mother is for always". That is so true. I love my children with all my heart and i would do absolutely anything for them but when the person who gave me life and with out her i would not have my own children is gone it is so hard to wonder if anything out there is worth living for. I didn't live or should i say i don't live for anyone but i find myself asking why god doesn't just wipe us all out and put an end to all this misery in so many people's lives. Wierd thinking eh? Lately i find myself having feelings of anger, sadness , guilt, just anything you can think of. Hope everyone will have a good week end and i will write soon. Thanks for listening.

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Hey everyone im a 30 yr old male. I lost my mother about 2 months ago. She died unexpectedly in her sleep at 50 yrs old. It was a blood clot of some kind. I live in Arizona and she lived in Alaska. My father and mother divorced when I was about 2 yrs old. He was around in a small town as i was growing up but we went yrs at a time without speaking. Id describe him as from "the old school". A guy that cant show his emotions well and he never tried to be close to me, that really affected me growing up but i always had my mother. My mother was kind of a wild one as my sister and I were growing up, she did her share of partying and everything but she would do anything for us. She didnt have a lot of money all the way up to the day she died but she would give her last dollar to my sister and I if we needed it. Anyways my sister also lives in Alaska and we only talk like maybe once a yr or so, we are close i guess but we just dont talk as much as we should and she is so far away we dont get to see each other much.

I have no other family but her left, my dad and his side of the family are out of the picture. I feel more alone and sad now, a couple months after the funeral and everything than i did during those times. I guess I was numb at first and didnt really realize the magnitude of what happened and how bad I would feel later when I really realized I am alone in this world and I will never see my mother again. Im just looking for some advice on how to get through all this and I want to know if there will be a day that I wont think about it 24 hours a day like I do now. I feel so bad because I dont really have anyone to talk to. It would be different if my mom died and i had my dad to mourn with or something, or some family members to go through this with. I think im going to be ok but it is just so hard dealing with this lonely feeling. I miss my mom and I wish she were here so bad right now but I know I have to go on.

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Hi, I lost my mother on March 1, 2005 and I feel that part of me died with her. She and I lived together and when she became very ill I took care of her. I did everything I could to make things easier for her. Anything that she wanted she got. I had someone live-in to take care of her and Hospice was also there (she did not have cancer), she had COPD, severe ostoarthritis and other things. She died of COPD (PLEASE ANYONE OUT THERE, IF YOU SMOKE, PLEASE STOP). My mom hated caring around oxygen, and we also had a big tank in the house. I have moved into her bedroom because it was bigger and I also thought it might make me feel better, I was wrong. I know that this sounds crazy, but sometimes I think I hear her calling me. She was my best friend and we did everything together. I miss her so much, all I do is cry. I have a very small dog who is the love of my life and she is my lifesaver. When I start to cry, she jumps onto my lap and kisses me all over. I have no brothers or sisters so it is hard. This website has saved me. It makes me feel better to kmow that other people understand what I'm going through.

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dreamspinner3
Smoking and death....I lost my mother to lung cancer and it seems many others have too. Not only am I sad, I am very angry...angry that she chose cigarettes over the people she loved. She knew smoking would kill her. She called it "slow suicide". She never admitted she was addicted...she said it was her only "pleasure". ONLY! I guess, nothing else on the planet gave her pleasure. Not her children or grandchildren. Not the people who loved her. She left this planet early...left the people she loved alone. I can't let go of the anger. Why would anybody chose to force filth down their lungs over life?

Smoking is an addiction, one harder to break than heroin according to the experts. When my mother started smoking back in the 1950s the public didn't know how terrible smoking was, as we do now. Giving up smoking is easier said than done.

My mother, who died of lung cancer on 5/11/05, gave up smoking several years ago. She said it was one of the hardest things she ever had to do in her entire life... and I believe it.

Your anger is normal.

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englishruss

YOTEYOTE: HI...i too lost my mum 07/21/03 which is now approaching two yrs. At the time i was 29...my mum only 60. She too died very very unexpectedly of a massive blood clot in her lung which went unnoticed by the hospital....

please share with me (if you dont mind) your fears and feelings...after reading your note below i can sympathise with its content...i was very close to my mumma...i still feel totally shattered from our loss...

i have felt soooo alone...my sister is married with children and my dad is now a broken man...ive basically been his "carer" for the past 24 months...his illness being grief...no-one has been there to prop me up when ive needed it..and boy have i needed it...but day by day ive dragged myself up onto my feet again...from months of being "on the floor"...holding my hand out to anyone who would help me..ive seen counselors and spiritual healers (all of which id never of done before my loss)....

im hear for you...to listen..to speak...or just support...give me a shout anytime...

be brave dude...we'll all get there.

hugs.....russ from a sunny london!

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middledaughter, having just read your thread about the upcoming anniversary of your mum's death, it may be comforting to you to know that you're not alone.

i lost my mother last year in March, i went through hell during those first few months, then i thought things would settle, but nooo.

i kept relieving things over and over in my head until i was at the point of not being able to talk properley without crying, getting SO DAMNED ANNOYED at people who simply looked at me. i nearly hit someone because they were in my face, but i managed to get away in time before causing harm.

the only thing i can say to you at this time is to take one day at a time, your mum is always there with you, and you will get through this.

GOLDEN RULE:

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middledaughter, having just read your thread about the upcoming anniversary of your mum's death, it may be comforting to you to know that you're not alone.

i lost my mother last year in March, i went through hell during those first few months, then i thought things would settle, but no.

i kept relieving things over and over in my head until i was at the point of not being able to talk properley without crying, getting SO DAMNED ANNOYED at people who simply looked at me. i nearly hit someone because they were in my face, but i managed to get away in time before causing harm.

the only thing i can say to you at this time is to take one day at a time, your mum is always there with you, and you will get through this.

GOLDEN RULE: BE KIND TO YOUR MIND, BODY AND SOUL. Do whatever it takes to ease the pain, surround yourself in love and comfort, as this will ease the pain.

thinking of you

sue

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middledaughter

One year ago today, my mother entered the hospital with undetermined heart problems. She lingered for four weeks - in a coma the last two weeks. In so many ways, today marks the beginning of the end.

I have kept this magical mark for one year - things will be better after one year, right. I am just beginning to realize, that no, things will not be better, magically, come July 13th. Yes, I will be over the year of "firsts" without my mother, but there will always be other "firsts" - weddings, graduation, milestones that I will want her there for.

I keep reading about the need to "let go" and the phase of "letting go of the grief". How? How do I let her go? If you have any suggestions on this area, there are greatly appreciated.

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englishruss

middledaughter: i remember what the first anniversary was like for me after i lost my mum. i was so nervous leading upto the day...remembering the days and what i was doin that time a year prior...remembering things like my mum was still with us and didnt know what was about to happen to her...the more i thought about it the more it hurt me, sometimes i felt physically sick with grief and anxiety...but then the day came...i took the day off work and went to the garden centre to buy my mums favourite bush...i planted it in my garden in a place that i can see it from every direction....the day passed without trouble and i wondered to myself what i was so worried about, obviously it wasnt a "normal" day..and i still felt lost...but im sure it'll be the same for you...just take it easy...

i can sympathise with the "firsts" too...i chatted to my counselor time and again about those...but they too came and went for me reletively without problems...it hurts me when i think my mum will not see me marry or have children...but as time has gone by im learning to accept it or just live with it.

as for the "letting go"...you shouldnt rush yourself into it...i certainly try not to..i dont think you have to either..."let go" only when YOU are ready...i think at the end of the day you can be told or read or hear as much as you want...but until YOU are ready to accept your great loss...its all wasted advice. Take your time MIDDLE...learn to accept what has happened at your own pace..dont force your feelings...as we all say...little steps. Grief as ive experienced and im still going through is a massively powerful thing...it can do terrible things to your mind body and soul...try not to worry too much about the day that is coming up...easy for me to say...i know..ive been there...

in time it does get easier...not for a while...but it does...smile my friend...youve done well to get this far...stick with us.

hugs to you and all my friends here...from a slightly cloudy..windy (but due to get very hot) london :-)....Russ.

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Hi Everyone,

It has been awhile since I have posted here. I often come and read the messages but don\'t have the heart to write. Today is the one year anniversary of my Mom going into palliative care. Next Wednesday will be the one year anniversary of her passing. I never thought I would make it through this year! As Englishruss says the grief does become easier to bear but I still have the waves of sadness come over me at such unexpected times. I planted a tree in my yard in her memory. It is a Rowan tree, one of her favourites. As I walk past it everyday I will remember her. She lived with me and my family for the last 12 years of her life and I miss her terribly. This week I have had all the terrible memories of her last 10 days of life come flooding back. I still wish I could hug her one more time and tell her what she means to me. I know that she knew but you always think you left too much unsaid!! This will be a very hard week for me. Thanks to evryone here who has listened to me over this last year. It is greatly appreciated....and to my Mom...Love you, love you, always and forever. Adrian

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Hello All;

I am new here, and this is my first post. I am 41 years old, but I feel as if I were 5 or 6 right now. My mom passed away about 3 months ago, and I feel lost, so very lost right now. My mom was my world. We were very close, and her death was very sudden. She went into the hospital and 3 days later she passed away, and the crazy thing is the hospital called me while she was passing and asked me if I wanted them to over-ride her DNR and provide life support.... my God... Anyway... I am not dealing with her passing .. At All... My life seems so empty and I do not know how to go on. I feel as I have no purpose... no reason, no nothing... I am so alone and in so much pain.. and just can't seem to get out of it. If anyone has any advise how to deal with this, I would love to hear from you. Thank you

Cheryl

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englishruss

CJHELVER: Im sorry to hear of ur loss. i know how it feels to lose someone who you were very close to.

unfortunately CJ noone can give you a magic remedy to get you out of this storm of grief. if i could i would bottle it and make a fortune. unfortunately as the old cliche says...TIME is THE only thing that will help you on your way. i went thru stages when i thought i was totally losing my ming thru my broken heart and i still had to deal with so many difficult things...one being strong for my dad who has an illness...its also called a broken heart!!.

the only "advice" i and others can give is, you must take little steps...you must be good to yourself and you MUST take your time. try not to rush. its been almost two yrs without my wondeful mum. sometimes it feels like yesterday...others it feels like an eternity ago...but the pain and hurt is still there..just as strong too...but im a little more experienced in this process now...i understand how to deal with the thoughts and feelings.

i would also say....see a counselor or at least try one to see if you get on with it. my counselor was my angel and saviour. without her id still be months behind in my progress.

youve gotta do what you feel is right..even if its totally strange to others...the only ones to question what you do will be the ones who have never been thru what you have...until they do...they cant appreciate what it feels like to have a broken heart.

i hope the above has helped...the waves in the storm of grief DO get smaller...i promise...i didnt think they would either..sometimes i still dont...but one day you WILL be able to breathe again on your own.

smile my friend. we're all here for you.

hugs to you and you all...from a hot and sticky london...RUSS

KEELYNN: a special note for you...smile my friend on your "special day" this wkd...im thinking of you. HUGS. ckeck out the candles under "kecia's dad"

LOST: hey cliff...hope your good dude.

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Hello All;

I am new here, and this is my first post. I am 41 years old, but I feel as if I were 5 or 6 right now. My mom passed away about 3 months ago, and I feel lost, so very lost right now. My mom was my world. We were very close, and her death was very sudden. She went into the hospital and 3 days later she passed away, and the crazy thing is the hospital called me while she was passing and asked me if I wanted them to over-ride her DNR and provide life support.... my God... Anyway... I am not dealing with her passing .. At All... My life seems so empty and I do not know how to go on. I feel as I have no purpose... no reason, no nothing... I am so alone and in so much pain.. and just can't seem to get out of it. If anyone has any advise how to deal with this, I would love to hear from you. Thank you

Cheryl

Hi Cheryl,

I don't even normally use this particular board, but saw your post and felt the need to repond. My Mom passed just over a year ago, and I know well the feeling you speak of...so lost and alone...an orphan, especially seeing as you two were so close. That makes it even harder on one level. Be easier on yourself, like englishruss said. It's ONLY been 3 months!! We all want to get out of the searing pain quickly, but most people can't, it's just that simple. There are processes to go through, each at his/her own pace. I know the "no purpose" feeling, too. Even if your mother didn't hold your hand like when you were little, it DOES feel like an empty world. I'm 47, going on 3!!!

I'm wondering, do you have your own family, and if so, how are those relationships? After more than a year, I've recently discovered that my biggest chunk of that feeling is actually coming more from the lacks in my current relationships....they can't seem to make up for losing one that was rocky, yet reliable (me and my Mom). It's funny how these kinds of things can sneak up on you. I'm working on those ones left now, so hope to ease that sense of aloneness. (I also lost my brother, and many friends this past year, so have many holes to fill) Coming to these boards is helpful, believe me. I only started myself a few WEEKS ago, and have already found some relief. Please keep coming back!

Blessings to you...(if you're so inclined, ask your own personal angels to help you out, too!)

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Mama has stage 4 breast cancer and the doctor says she has "several weeks" left to live. I know she is dying soon, i can see it. Well its like 12 am and i cant sleep. i dont know how i will live without her. she means everything to me. I lover her so much. she is my world. she is only 46, i dont know why God is taking her away from me so soon. she is such a special person. who am i going to turn to for advice? i need her! i love you mama, i wont be able to live without you.

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