The Loss of my 32 year old son Brian

[BrendaDup59]

I lost my handsome 32 year old son Saturday March 17 2012, to a motorcycle accident at 2.30pm. My life changed as I know it, it will never be the same when I found out he had bought a motorcycle I got so upset I knew just looking at it that that was what was going to kill my son! I ask him if he was licensed ? wore a helmet? and he said yes to both questions then after the accident I found out that he did neither, the tire hit some gravel and no helmet he came around a curve and hit a car head on and died at the scene, I have since found out even if he had worn a helmet he would have died, when he hit the car it was with his upper body and my sister having been a paramedic was told what happen when he died she is pretty sure he tore the artery to his heart and bled out. His best friend was there when it happen and I am grateful for that, he didn't die alone. I will never forget my husband walking up to me with this look in his eyes and I knew, I just lost it I wanted to die too ,I wanted God to take me right then and there I have never felt so much physical pain in my life. he has 2 brothers 28 and 9.

My son was a loving husband and wonderful father to 6 children ages 15 to 17 months.My heart just breaks for them everyone keeps telling me it will get better, it will get easier, well right now I don't think it will ever get better, or easier, all I know is a part of me died on March 17, and I just don't know how to go on without him in my life. I know I have to for my 9 year old and my 28 year old who is also married and has 5 children.I just feel so empty and lost. I cant look at his picture without feeling like someone punched me in the stomach, I tried watching the videos he sent me one of his youngest daughters birthday and almost thought I was going over the short ledge I feel I am already on. I miss him more then I ever thought was possible.I am going tomorrow to put flowers on his grave April 3, he would have been 33. Never in my life did I ever think I would be going through this.. I know at that minute when he was riding he was having the best time of his life. and I was told that 4 people appeared at the accident and were praying for him . I am praying and asking God to give me the strength to just get through one minute at a time I wish I could just have 1 more time with him just to hug and kiss his sweet face. I will forever miss my beautiful son but I have 5 grandchildren that he loved so dearly and I found out my daughter in law donated his organs so I pray somewhere out there he is helping someone have a life. God Bless each and every one of you that are walking the same path I am , It's just one day at a time. Brenda