Feeling So Sad For my Son Tonight

[mrsduc]

l got the autopsy report all 14 pages of it. And as I can tell my son had been planning his suicide for ateast a month. I do know that he did his suicide video on Dec. 22,2011 but did not die until the 4th of Jan.,2012. Also the things they found in his room and in him he was determined not to fail. That just seems so sad to me, that he was able to put so much energy and time into working on his suicide like it was a hobby or something. I found out after his death that he had canceled alot of his appointments in the weeks prior to his death to his therapists that he was seeing 3 times a week. I wish that the laws could and should be changed to alert friends or family members that hey your love one has missed this many sessions and I think you need to be concerned. But the stupid privacy law. I had been able to talk to his therapist a month after he had died and he told me the only thing he was able to tell me legally was that they were not able to get thru any issues because of the drug use. Now why if he was able to tell me this now not before so that maybe me or his father and I and his friends in CA that he thought of as family put him in a rehab so he could get the help he needed and let him know he was not unloved and he was not alone. In some areas I think this HEPA law has gone too far. My son might be alive if his therapist had been able to pick up the phone and called me or someone. And it is not like he did not have my number because we had spoken in August just before I came out to see Robert because Robert had asked me to call him. I cannot remember why but he did want me to talk to him about our relationship and what I felt about him. Which I did. Now I do not know so if someone knows anything about this let me know. But I paid for the police report and the autopsy report from two different areas and I am not sure if I just received the autopsy report and I will receive the police report next. I do know that there was two pages in the autopsy report that spoke in detail of what they found and how my son was found in the bed and what was all around drug wise in the room. Which made me wonder if that was the police report even though it did not say that. Also since I have the autopsy report now does that mean that I will be getting the real death certificate soon. We first got the deferred one about two weeks after he was cremated. I am just so blind when it comes to all this. I just feel so sad for my son tonight. He was so determined so he was in alot more pain and anguish then even I really understand. I cannot turn back time but if I could I would of done anything to let him know that I would of gone to CA and left my husband and held his hand to help him with his pain and loneliness and anything else. My husband said that he would of done the same thing. But I am glad that I have the autopsy report. Some people would not want it but I am not that kind of person. Thanks again for listening.

Now the other news. I had all my pre op tests done today so that I will be ready to have surgery on my eye on Friday April 13th at 1:30pm. I have a very clogged right tear duct and they need to go in and scrap and drain it then make a new tear duct. I do not know how long it takes and had never heard of anything like this before. But atleast all the pre op is finished. Just wanted to share that with everyone.

[tobyfreefoot]

l got the autopsy report all 14 pages of it. And as I can tell my son had been planning his suicide for ateast a month. I do know that he did his suicide video on Dec. 22,2011 but did not die until the 4th of Jan.,2012. Also the things they found in his room and in him he was determined not to fail. That just seems so sad to me, that he was able to put so much energy and time into working on his suicide like it was a hobby or something. I found out after his death that he had canceled alot of his appointments in the weeks prior to his death to his therapists that he was seeing 3 times a week. I wish that the laws could and should be changed to alert friends or family members that hey your love one has missed this many sessions and I think you need to be concerned. But the stupid privacy law. I had been able to talk to his therapist a month after he had died and he told me the only thing he was able to tell me legally was that they were not able to get thru any issues because of the drug use. Now why if he was able to tell me this now not before so that maybe me or his father and I and his friends in CA that he thought of as family put him in a rehab so he could get the help he needed and let him know he was not unloved and he was not alone. In some areas I think this HEPA law has gone too far. My son might be alive if his therapist had been able to pick up the phone and called me or someone. And it is not like he did not have my number because we had spoken in August just before I came out to see Robert because Robert had asked me to call him. I cannot remember why but he did want me to talk to him about our relationship and what I felt about him. Which I did. Now I do not know so if someone knows anything about this let me know. But I paid for the police report and the autopsy report from two different areas and I am not sure if I just received the autopsy report and I will receive the police report next. I do know that there was two pages in the autopsy report that spoke in detail of what they found and how my son was found in the bed and what was all around drug wise in the room. Which made me wonder if that was the police report even though it did not say that. Also since I have the autopsy report now does that mean that I will be getting the real death certificate soon. We first got the deferred one about two weeks after he was cremated. I am just so blind when it comes to all this. I just feel so sad for my son tonight. He was so determined so he was in alot more pain and anguish then even I really understand. I cannot turn back time but if I could I would of done anything to let him know that I would of gone to CA and left my husband and held his hand to help him with his pain and loneliness and anything else. My husband said that he would of done the same thing. But I am glad that I have the autopsy report. Some people would not want it but I am not that kind of person. Thanks again for listening.

Now the other news. I had all my pre op tests done today so that I will be ready to have surgery on my eye on Friday April 13th at 1:30pm. I have a very clogged right tear duct and they need to go in and scrap and drain it then make a new tear duct. I do not know how long it takes and had never heard of anything like this before. But atleast all the pre op is finished. Just wanted to share that with everyone.

dear linda,

i am glad you got the report. i know that sounds strange but knowing everything possible seems important to me. i have pictures of what is left of the car forest and ashlie were in in my purse for some reason. my closest friends and family don't want to see them but his best friend did. she also needs to know everything. i shook like crazy the first few times i looked at them. i am so sorry that the laws prevented your son's dr. from contacting you. your heart must be breaking at the thought of how much pain your son was in. though the drugs may have kept him from making breakthroughs they must have numbed some of the pain. thinking of his pain must really hurt and that is the only thing i can think of that might ease it. that might not have come out right but since we can't change the past when thinking of his agony i would want to know he had moments when he was in less pain. i hope you understand what i mean. anyway my heart goes out to you. it must feel like wound upon open wound and i am so sorry.