Members mrsduc Posted March 18, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Two months today I found out that my son, Robert was found died and had been dead for atleast 2 weeks. That just is reaping me apart today. I have not been able to control my tears or anything. I know that it is what I am suppose to be going thru, but I do not like this and hate it that me or anyone has to go threw this kind of pain. I can't seem to even try to focus on anything today but the lose of Robert and knowing he laid there for 2 weeks and not one person seemed to notice that he did not go out to walk his dogs, like he always did alot of times a day. He took his dogs with him almost everywhere he went, because where he lived in CA dogs were allowed in almost ever store and other places. They were kind of like his children. I have been to his apartment and it was once I believe a motel that they made into small apartments. So it was not like it was a big complex that he could get lost in the place and be forgotten. It just makes me sick knowning that not one person even thought to check on him sooner. I just thank God that the dogs survived and that is a miracle in itself, for how they found food and water is beyond me. But I am in a pretty bad place today and I am trying to figure out how to get out of it but I know that today I am not strong and all I can think about is this stupid anniversary of knowing that my life and my heart and my being changed for the worse 2 months ago. I will never be the same and I do not even know how to even be at this point. I am just here breathing all the time. The only reason I know I am alive is that I hurt so deep inside and that I cry so hard and so much you would think that there would be no more tears, but they keep coming. I know you all know how I am feeling and I know that alot have been on this journey of a life change that we never wanted or asked for the journey to learn to be without a child that we loved more than ourself. Atleast that is how I feel. I would die this minute if it meant that Robert could come back and not have the pain and torment that he had all his life. But I know that can not be so I try to have comfort that he is no longer in pain. But now I carry the pain that is so deep that I feel like my insides will exploded. Thanks for listening This and this and this is all I have left of my son. Plus thisI hate this piece of paper. It makes it so final. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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