Dealing with the estate and family

[Bridelyn]

I don't know if any of you are having issues with finalizing your parent's estate. My mom passed away right before Christmas and her bank account is still open. Fees are being taken out of it for a couple of things. The amount is minor but I know my mom would be upset that my oldest sister hasn't begun to deal with my mom's affairs. My mom's will is 30 years old and I was a minor at the time. She kept saying she needed to write a new one, but she thought she would live to be 100 +. My mom left a list of all her insurance policies and how she wanted the estate divided. Well unless everyone in the will agrees to dividing it this way, it will have to be divided according to the will. Well of course, when it comes to money people tend to get selfish, so my mom's wishes won't be respected. It is sad that this is the case, but it is the nature of people I guess. Personally for me, I will get more going by the will, but will be giving some to those my mom wanted to give to but are excluded in the will. I just want to do what my mom wanted you know? I would give anything to have my mom back and the money means nothing. Thankfully, my mom lived with me so I have control over her personal items and I can make sure certain things go to certain people just as she would wish. I don't know, I am just so disgusted with some members of my family, but they do say this is when the worst comes out.

I am hoping my sister starts dealing with the estate soon. It is hard to adjust to the loss when you have this legal stuff hanging over you all the time. I am hoping also that we clean out her room. The plan is to do it on Saturday. That will help a lot too because I see her stuff everywhere. i just hate having to deal with all this and just wish we could turn back the clocks.

[AaronB]

How much are we talking about? If the will is outdated, i.e. things dealing with you as a minor child, then the courts are going to have to get involved if you guys can't work it out. Have you talked with a lawyer yet? If she had life insurance, then she should have named the beneficiaries and how it was to be divided. For example,my sister and I were the beneficiaries on my mom's life insurance policy, to be divided 50-50. That has nothing to do with the will.

Try to be agreeable with everyone. Money doesn't mean sh*t.

[Bridelyn]

we aren't talking a lot of money. my mom had several insurance policies and i have dealt with those and the beneficiaries have received their money. The estate is worth under 10,000 and their are 4 of us in the will, which also deals with when we are no longer minors. my mom used to say she needed to change it, but never got around to it. this whole thing has really got me thinking about my own estate planning. i never had a will and now i am in the process of getting one and organizing my affairs. one thing about mom, she did have everything together for us which made things very easy in that sense.

you are right, the money means nothing. you hear stories about how families tie up the estate in legal battles for years and never understand why. i really thought everything would go smoothly for us. when my mom passed, my older sister said she didnt want anything, now she has changed her mind and thinks others should give up a portion of their share. i know my mom would be upset with all this. it really breaks my heart seeing this.

[SadRN]

When my father died last year the very old will he had was deemed invalid by the lawyer because it had both typing and writing on it. So, he died without a will. My mother did not want to handle all the details of settling the estate, and because there was no will, everything was to be divided 50/50 between the heirs. (Mom and me.) There were issues before this between mom and myself- like her boyfriend, and I paid for the funeral with my personal money, etc. I love my mother, but having to do all that work and then in the end she claimed I was manipulating her put a big wall in our relationship (which were words from her unemployed boyfriend's mouth I am sure). Things are healing somewhat, but people go crazy when it comes to money. Just do your best and try not to think about it. It took 8 months to fully settle my father's estate. And when that last document was signed, what a relief! Best wishes to you for some peace during this very difficult time.

I don't know if any of you are having issues with finalizing your parent's estate. My mom passed away right before Christmas and her bank account is still open. Fees are being taken out of it for a couple of things. The amount is minor but I know my mom would be upset that my oldest sister hasn't begun to deal with my mom's affairs. My mom's will is 30 years old and I was a minor at the time. She kept saying she needed to write a new one, but she thought she would live to be 100 +. My mom left a list of all her insurance policies and how she wanted the estate divided. Well unless everyone in the will agrees to dividing it this way, it will have to be divided according to the will. Well of course, when it comes to money people tend to get selfish, so my mom's wishes won't be respected. It is sad that this is the case, but it is the nature of people I guess. Personally for me, I will get more going by the will, but will be giving some to those my mom wanted to give to but are excluded in the will. I just want to do what my mom wanted you know? I would give anything to have my mom back and the money means nothing. Thankfully, my mom lived with me so I have control over her personal items and I can make sure certain things go to certain people just as she would wish. I don't know, I am just so disgusted with some members of my family, but they do say this is when the worst comes out.

I am hoping my sister starts dealing with the estate soon. It is hard to adjust to the loss when you have this legal stuff hanging over you all the time. I am hoping also that we clean out her room. The plan is to do it on Saturday. That will help a lot too because I see her stuff everywhere. i just hate having to deal with all this and just wish we could turn back the clocks.

[Bridelyn]

Thanks for your reply sadRN. I never thought we would have any issues regarding the estate in our family and it is really disappointing to me to see it. I was the closest to my mom and I know how she would feel knowing whats going on. I am happy to report that my sister has finally stepped up and has closed my mom's account. And hearing some of the things she has been asking, I know it is coming from her husband. But apparently the lawyer she saw straightened them out. I have decided to just wash my hands of the whole thing. It is not worth the stress. I have never been very close with this sister as she is a lot older than me, but this whole thing has put a lot of strain on our relationship and is impacting others too. We have more important things to deal with than this, like just adjusting to the loss. It has been 3 months and this weeks was bad because it is the anniversary of my ex-mother in law's, my mom's and our 14 year old cat's passing. Whenever I was sad thinking about my mom I could at least cuddle our cat and he would make me smile. Now he is gone too.

I just wanted my mom to be happy with the way things were handled. And I have done everything I could do. I made sure the service was beautiful and personal. I am making sure the things that were important to her go to the people she wanted to have them. And when the time comes, I will make sure her ashes are scattered where she wanted to be and that it is done in a special way. It's all I can do right?

Hope everyone is coping okay. *hugs*