Members mrsduc Posted March 7, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2012 I know that I speak in a dark place right now. And I know that Robert would hurt to know I am in this much pain. But I still am there and it is so raw that I can't control my tears. I spoke to my ex last night just so I could talk to someone that would understand how I felt. My husband now when I told him, just hug me and said he wished that he could take my pain, but at the same time he did not lie when he said that he hopes he never has to feel the pain of loosing a child. I told him that I do not wish this on anyone. But I was lying in bed last night and I realize something and i do not know why it stuck at me, like an obsession. But when I was pregnant with Robert in 1979, I was put in the hospital on July 4th and stayed until he was born on the 17th. Well we believe that Robert died on Jan. 4, 2012 but he was not found until the 17th. I thought about this and how his life played out as it did in the beginning and for some reason that amazed me. I held on to this fact for hours last night. I am alot like Robert in that we both try to analyze everything and we need to try and figure out the whys and hows of things to understand and grasp things. It is so hard for me to know that my son laid in his bed in his apartment for 2 weeks until a neighbor realized he had not been walking his dog. This was a guy who loved his dogs and always took them everywhere with him and also loved being outside. So I think of him telling me he felt alone and i would tell him Robert you have alot of friends and he said no he did not. To me that is so sad. Sure he knew alot of people and effected everyone in a positive way who came in contact with him, but not too many close friends. But that too is LA for you. People are into their own life and trying to survive and that was hard for Robert to understand. He took things pretty personally, just like his mom. There still is not a moment that I do not have a thought of my son in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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