I'll Never be the same. I'll Never be Okay.

[clittlelady]

I'm so broken. Lance has been gone since October 2, 2010. 27 days before his 31st birthday. 33 days of critical care in the Hospital. We were blessed in that the doctors allowed either my daughter in law, my husband or myself to be with him at all times. We loved him and cared for him through immense pain and suffering. We took care of his personal hygiene to preserve his dignity. We held him as he died. Our only grandson, Lance's son, was 3 when Lance died. Our grandson's birthday was the 21st of October, our son's the 29th of October and then the holidays. Everything rolled up in a short few months... the grief beyond words. Only because of my grandson, do I find the strength and will to continue. Our good looking, fun loving, son with an infectious laugh and a smile that would light up the darkest sky came and went too fast. So many hard things to cope with. Daughter in law moving on three months after my son's death. I am the only way my grandson will ever know his dad. I came to this forum in 2005 when I lost my Mother. This was my soft place to fall. That pain was enormous, but this pain has almost taken me. I am now diagnosed with a major illness, which the doctors believe manifested itself due to my grief. Is it possible to grieve yourself out of this life? It's not my will. I've been fighting hard to be here for my grandson. I feel very much like a failure right now.

[Conniewhite33]

I am very sorry about your son lance. I lost my 19 year old son from cancer in april 2009. I do not feel like I will ever be ok either and I certainly do not think I will ever be the same. I think its,supposed to be that way as,they mean so much to us. If god took me right now I would be ok with it as I yearn to be with my son, but only god knows when our time will be. I will pray that god will give u peace right now. Hope u can really enjoy that grandbaby. Thinking of u!

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I am so sorry aboutt your son Lance I do not have a major illness but I do believe that stress can certainly do a person in I lost my handsome 29 year old son to a stuiped accidental drug overdose My handsomeRob He was so full of life My dad is dying of lung cancer and I think that for me life is jst too hard anymore . My son always told me if anything ever happened to him that he would not want people to cry because he has had alot of f un in his life I know he doesn.t want me sad I have a fantastic 23 year old daughter and for that I am blessed I cry for the future and the kids Robert could have had I sometimes hang by a thread. I hate this new life I know one day I will see my son again I am here for ny family becase they need me but a giant piece of me died when he did I lost the fn Marty I used to be I am trying to find it again becase Rob would want his f unny mom back. Lance does not want you to suffer so much because he loves you so much so try try try to help others like us because we are all in this together So do it for Lance To me life with out my son is like a living hell I am going to try so hard to go to a support group and help others like us I do not know how but I will try I am praying for you so hard that life gets a tiny bit easier and for all of us in this new life that we have not chosen Hgs and prayers and a little bit of peace to you Rob and Lance are the ones having the fun now We are the ones left behind They have peace and no worries and Lance is watchibg over you as Rob is watching over me every day of our lives

Forever Robs Mom