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Struggling with the loss of my Dad


staceyjade

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)I sadly lost my Dad on the 3rd December, he was aged just 43 and it was a total suprise to us all. I am finding it extremely hard to get over it wereas i feel my younger sister (aged 21) is dealing with it a lot better, i understand that everybody deals with grief in different ways but i feel i cant cope!

Everynight as i try and go to sleep, i feel scared as though he is watching me. i no i shouldnt feel scared or on edge and dont understand why i am feeling this way? I get about 2-4 hours sleep per night i have tried nytol tablets from the chemist but they dont work. I dont want to get any sleeping tablets prescribed from a doctor as i have a 1 year old son and am afraid that if he wakes in the night i wont be able to wake up??

I miss my Dad terribly and feel a lot of guilt as we had not spoke for nearly a year due to a silly family bicker. I just want him to no that i love him and just wish i had made more of an effort i will live with the guilt for the rest of my life :(

i will never get over my Dads loss but when will i start to feel normal instead of living in a daze with no sleep???

thankyou for reading this

stacey xx

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)I sadly lost my Dad on the 3rd December, he was aged just 43 and it was a total suprise to us all. I am finding it extremely hard to get over it wereas i feel my younger sister (aged 21) is dealing with it a lot better, i understand that everybody deals with grief in different ways but i feel i cant cope!

Everynight as i try and go to sleep, i feel scared as though he is watching me. i no i shouldnt feel scared or on edge and dont understand why i am feeling this way? I get about 2-4 hours sleep per night i have tried nytol tablets from the chemist but they dont work. I dont want to get any sleeping tablets prescribed from a doctor as i have a 1 year old son and am afraid that if he wakes in the night i wont be able to wake up??

I miss my Dad terribly and feel a lot of guilt as we had not spoke for nearly a year due to a silly family bicker. I just want him to no that i love him and just wish i had made more of an effort i will live with the guilt for the rest of my life :(

i will never get over my Dads loss but when will i start to feel normal instead of living in a daze with no sleep???

thankyou for reading this

stacey xx

Hi Stacey,

I am sorry about your loss. It's tough no matter what, but to lose him suddenly makes things sometimes tougher. Your sleeplessness and edginess are perfectly normal. They should pass in a few weeks. In the meantime, try not to drink any caffeinated beverages, do not eat really heavy before you sleep, and try to get a little bit of exercise each day (even if it is simply walking around your house for a few minutes each day).

Do you think your guilt over not resolving your conflict with your father is contributing to your inability to sleep? One exercise people have done that seems to help is to write your father a letter and tell him everything you wanted to tell him when he was alive. Get it all out in the letter. Then, you can either place it on his grave (if that is possible) or have a special memorial service (perhaps in the privacy of your bedroom with a lit candle or at a park, or wherever you feel comfortable) and then set the letter aflame. Many people do this and report that this action helps them to release their guilt, release their turmoil and let the pain of the conflict go.

We will be here to support you,

ModKonnie

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Stacey-

I lost my dad at 49. It was completly unexspected and defintly was not my dads time. I took it alot harder then my sister did also. My sister has moved on with her days and i still cry over the smallest things. If i hear a song on the radio that reminds me of him it destroys my dad. My fathers death took a huge toll on our family. He was the puzzle that held the family together. I find after almost 9 months I still stay up some nights sleepless and unable to sleep at all. There are still nights that I cry myself to sleep and ask why. The thing is that one day things will get a little better. You will remember the great memories and hold on to them. I am sure that your dad knew how much you loved him and you ment alot to him. There is only place that I seem to find peace and thats at the cemetary. I know it sounds odd but its the only place where I am with my dad and no one else has a voice. its my place of peace and calmness. I go to the cemetary often and i cry and yell and somedays i manage to hold it all together while im there. It helps to talk about it and to write about espically to other people that dont know you but know what your going through. Keep your head up and you will find peace somewhere. Stay Strong

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Stacey: Its very hard getting over the death of a parent. My mom died 2 months ago and the 1st six weeks were horrible. Now i am getting better but still cry. I will pray for you for peace, contentment and acceptence and i am very sorry for your loss.

I agree with Mod that your feelings are normal and i also have some guilt over putting my mother in a nursing home and they did not take care of her like i did. I keep thinking if i would have done this or that things would be different.

To M. Burke: I also feel comfortable at the cemetary where my mother is. I like going there to be close to her.

Thanks for sharing and i wish you both peace and healing.

Debbie

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hi stacey

i totally understand what ur going thru..... my mom passed away 40 days ago and i can alwez feel her sitting on the sofa especially at night..... wen i turn off the lights before goin to bed i feel like im gona hear her call out my name.... it was a little scary in the beginning but then i realised that maybe she is around and just watching over me ...... life will never b the same but we need to move forward and look forward to the day wen we will all be togther again... this world is a journey and our main destination is heaven! tht is what i hav started believing in and praying regularly so that God brings us together again..... i too was prescribed with anti depressants n sleeping pills but i felt talking to God made me feel much more peace than any pills or any intoxicants..... plz try to realise that he knew u loved him and cared for him and he is around u now and sees how much ur suffering wich might make him suffer as well..... thts y jst try to b happy for him coz he is in a better place and also becoz thts wht he wud hav wanted ! these are things tht make me feel stronger as well and i hope it helps u..... take care ....

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My Dad passed away Jan 5, 2012. I feel sad everyday, but I am at peace because of al the wonderful memories I have. He was at peace when he went to heaven. Just hold onto all the wonderful things in life, and be at peace, and take a day at a time. My father's (92) passing was a peaceful experience. My husbands (52) passing was sudden and has taken me a longtime to move on. To this day I still cry on certain days, and say good morning to him everyday!

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Hi Stacy, I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's hard to lose your dad. My story is a bit different. My dad was 82 when he passed 1 1/2yrs ago. It's still hard but I kinda knew it was coming. Over the last few years I just had a feeling, could see it coming. I told my husband my dad wasn't long for this world. He was always so strong and full of energy but I could see it leaving him. He got sick and had several surgeries that he got through "with flying colors" as the doctors said but 3 days after his last one his heart gave out. We had all thought he'd be home in a week or so. Well, he's home now, just not the "home" we had expected. I hadn't been able to talk to him during the months he was in the hospital because my husband is a long=haul truck driver and I go with him on the road. I called and spoke to my mom almost everyday but he was usually sleeping. When he passed I felt so bad that I had not even talked to him. My mom told me he understood and knew I loved him, to him the just knowing I called was enough. The morning after he passed my husband went outside and I heard him yell for me from the front porch. I was feeling sad and didn't want to go outside but he kept it up so I gave in. I'm so glad I did. I walked out the front door and saw the most perfect and bright double rainbow I have ever seen in my life. My husband said the words that were in my mind, " Bet that's your dad saying he's ok now and he loves you". I believe he was right. I have not seen a double rainbow since and we live in an area that we see rainbows all the time. I get long winded at times, all this to say, You're dad knew you loved him and he loved you too. Sometimes we think we have all the time in the world to make things right. He was your dad and he knew you, he loved you no matter what. Write him that letter, spend time talking to him, do what you need to do to tell him how you feel. Right now, whatever feels right is what you do. "silly family bickering" is what families do, don't beat yourself up for it, he knows you love him. You will start to feel a little better as time goes on. You'll never forget him. Forgive yourself and remember your dad with love. Vivian=Kevin's Mom

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