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I Feel Like My Grief is Not Valid


rain_on_me

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Hi all, I am new here. My mom died on September 27, 2011 and I am 40 years old. One of the biggest hurdles I am dealing with right now (besides the soul crushing, spirit destroying grief of watching my mom die and missing her every moment) is how I don't feel like my grief is as valid as others. I did not lose a child. I did not lose my mom when I was a child. She was not taken from me by a violent act or suicide. In fact, she was sick (with Ovarian cancer) for six years and I was with her when she died. I quit working to be with her and held her hand as she died. I even sat and planned her Celebration of Life with her in the weeks before she died.

It sounds like the perfect way to go and yet I fill so lost and sad. My mom had just turned 65 and I feel like she was ripped off. I was ripped off. I need her still. I feel completely abandoned and alone. Watching her die in palliative care was agonizing.

The grief I feel is consuming me. I miss her so much. My god, how can she be gone? Some days all I do is cry and other days there is no relief, just numbness. I want to die myself to escape this pain but I can't do that because I have to care for my family and would not do that to them.

None of my friends understand, they all have their moms. I do go to Hospice for counselling but only get to go once a month. I also blog and that brings no release.

I can't do this.

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Keep posting here it will help you. We all have lost someone close to us. I lost my mother 7 weeks ago and i felt the same way. Its so hard to keep going you feel like your purpose is gone. You will go through stages like i did anger, denial, later on some acceptence.

I am so sorry for your loss and i feel the same way, i cry alot and just tonight i had a fight with my roommate and my outlet was always my mother. The thought of not being able to turn to her was unbearable as i snuggled closer to my pillow. Now i am up and need to try and sleep.

Things will start to get better over time but it is a major event losing a parent don't let anyone tell you any different.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Debbie

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Rain_on_me. I truley understand my momma past away dec 8th, 2011 . She was diagnosed with COPD 20 years ago she came to live with me 18 years ago and over the past 10 years saw her slowly go down hill. She just turned 65 a week before she past away and I am going thru the samethings you are. Your grief is normal

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