My 23 year old son.... Gone

[Rtlmom]

I lost my son recently. In a tragic car crash. He was only 23. He loved life. We miss him so bad it's hard to breath. The driver survived but my beautiful son and another person did not. Why would he be taken from us. How do we go on

[517958]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my five year old daughter in July when she drowned in a swimming pool so I know what it's like to have your entire life change in an instant. I too felt like I wasn't going to be able to survive without her but somehow I do-mostly for my surviving children but also because I want to live the rest of my life as a tribute to my wonderful girl. On this site, you'll have the most support on the loss of an adult child thread. There are people there that are much further out in their journeys that can offer support. You can also look for Comassionatefriends.com meetings in your area. The Compassionate Friends meetings have helped my husband an i a lot.

[Azee999]

We just lost our beautiful 21 year old daughter Halloween night in the same tragic way. The driver was responsible for the accident, but he's fine and home with his family....it is so hard to breathe, 1/2 of me is empty (We do have a 20 yr. old son) - this heartache is excruciating. How does a parent get through this????

[robyn]

I lost my daughter in November and I know what you are feeling. I also know that there is nothing that can be said to ease the pain you are feeling. All I can tell you is to hold tight to your family and lean on them, and let them lean on you. There is no avoiding the wave of pain, tears, anger and sadness, though heaven knows, I wish there were. We are all finding out that we do survive it, even though we sometimes wish we wouldn't.

You will find, in time, that the strength you needed was within yourself. You might find that writing in here about the loved one you lost can help.

[Rtlmom]

Hi jesse21. God I'm so sorry. We lost our son seven days after you lost your daughter. I have no idea how to get through this. I also have another son 21 who we expected to do very poorly but appears to be doing ok, and we are surprised by this. Mostly I think he tries to act ok so we don't freak out ourselves. I can't believe I will never see him again. How can that be??? It's so unreal to believe. The pain is unlike anything I could ever dream of. I do know we will make it because we are here getting help from others who know the pain. You and I and the others who posted here will be ok. Tell me about your daughter. Tell me what she was like. I'd love to know. Thank you all for also posting support. I tried not to come look at it because it hurts but I made it back here tonight. I want to know more from all

Of you who are further along in this and any help you may be able to tell me. Tell me your thoughts and your pains so I can help you and you can help me

[designer2]

Dear Rtlmom when my 27 yr old only child Dylan died in March 2011, I truly believed my life was over too. The enormity of my loss was too horrible to be absorped into my broken heart. I retreated into a surreal world, where I just continued to go through the motions of a life as it used to be. But that huge, vast hole in my life coulld not be filled. My son was life to me, and I realized that the only way to bridge the hole was to honor my child by living my life through as God intended me to. I decided to "actively" grieve the death of my son. I took the first step by reaching out and connecting with the compassionate souls here and other grief sites (just as you have done). I found I could draw strength in the power of the human spirit from a support group, in my faith in God, and the guidance of my wonderful grief counselor. You must realize that even though you have suffered this great tragedy, you are not alone, ever. Many have gone before and sadly, will after. Look around you, there are many candles lit here in the dark. We will walk with you because we all have the same destination...to find solace and comfort from our pain.

Losing my boy was a terrible blow in my life, but it has also revealed to me the miracle of the resiliency of life, and the power of words. Reach out, life will once again provide hope through the beautiful people who care about you and love you. Lean on them. They, and we are there. I am sorry for the very sad loss of your son.

Dylan's mom

[sunset924]

RTLMom,

I too just lost my 23 year old daughter in a car crash where the driver survived and another passenger lost his life!

Today marks 5 weeks that I lost my only biological child! The pain can be intolerable at times. I find for myself I live minute to minute... My tears come so unexpectedly, and at times it's the littlest things that trigger it. I do hope that this will get easier, but the question is how? My heart goes out to you in the loss of your son. If you ever want to chat...

[Rtlmom]

Hello manda's mom and Dylan's mom, thank you. I do want to talk and find peace of some kind. I think I to have been doing the normal everyday things to try and feel some kind of normal. I don't think I'm trying to act as though it didn't happen because I sure know it did and know he is not walking through that door again. Boy he Sure loved to live and he worked so hard, he was really headed somewhere. Now his little bother 21 and me and my ex husband are stuck hereIn hell on earth. My son was also not the only one who died that day another fisherman age 59 also was killed and my son 23 and driver is 19 and doing well, kid never even hit the breaks. It's just beyond our thoughts as to what happened. We have no reports or anything at this pointSo we guess they are not finished and really what difference would it make. This all happened in another state as they traveled to Mississippi for a Fishing tournament. I also am seeing a grief counselor and he is really helping. My husband travels with his job so he has only been able to get homeAbout every 7 days for a day and a half. It's better when he is here. When I'm alone it's easy to torture yourself with thoughts and feelings. Things like dwelling On the what if and the why and all that like did he have pain or was it instant like they told me, was he afraid ..... All that drives me nutsI also have a issue with the fact that he is just stuck in time at 23 forever in our minds, no new memories just the same ones forever nowI also cry at the drop of a hat but I can also go a day or two without doing it. It's all such a huge unreal mind blowing event that is difficult toWrap my thoughts around. But I'm trying. Thanks to all of you here.

[aaronnelson]

Im Sorry- I feel like you are taking the words right out of my mouth. It is so hard to breath and wake up each day

I lost my son recently. In a tragic car crash. He was only 23. He loved life. We miss him so bad it's hard to breath. The driver survived but my beautiful son and another person did not. Why would he be taken from us. How do we go on

[Rtlmom]

Hello sandy Aaron's mom. I'm sorry I did not respond earlier. Each day is just hard to do anything. I am honme alone mostly and family lives far away. My younger son 21 lives with his dad now since the accident and I try not to let him see me bad off because I want him to survive this and he loved his brother and looked up to him so much, he is trying to be strong and stay busy. I hope that helps him. Me I play it over and over in my head and makes me crazy until I am consumed by it, then after a day or two I snap out of the horror and allow myself to feel less pain. It's all so strange all these feelings. I can't seem to grip that he is not here at all or ever again. I'm so mad at the driver who took my son. I don't know how to continue anything. Are these some things u are feeling. I feel crazy and like I'm not In my body. He was such a good kid and loved loved to work hard and fish and hunt and jet ski and so full of fun. How could he be taken from us. Why???