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I fell in love with my bestfriend


notgoodwithusernames

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notgoodwithusernames

This will be very cheesy, so I hope you're not lactose intolerant ;) AHAHA

Before relationships happen, we tell ourselves not to mess this one up and just take it easy but it never crosses our mind that any moment could be our last.

I fell in love with my best friend, he was 18...who's now buried 6 feet under. He was truly my light in the dark.

To be honest, I was never a believer in "love". I just thought it was only in the movies but not until I met him. Who knew that when you weren't searching, you two would find each other and in such a short time would be the greatest of friends and more. Someone who's soo much like you that you don't have to explain yourself and it blows your mind! That when you kiss, you feel a chill run through your body or when he holds you, your heart skips a beat. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I know it sounds like some cheesy love song rip-off but it's the truth that aches in every part of my body.

January 1, 2011 He was hit by a car walking home, he broke his neck on impact and went into a coma, he was hooked up to life support but the doctors said there was no hope, he was announced dead later that day. What a wonderful way to start the new year...It will be one year shortly - a year closer to him or just another year without him. It's been soo hard, not only a struggle within myself but with my friends who try so hard to help but know that they will never understand. Its the most frustrating to try to explain to someone how you feel but they have no clue and continue to give you advice. "You need to move on!" HEY if you haven't noticed we're always moving, time doesn't wait for us and move on to what? what does it even mean to move on? none of us ever truly move on, our loved one is still apart of us - all we've done is become good actors and masked our deep emotions just to fit in the mould of "normal". That's all we ever do is act, but not when you're with the one you adore, when you can finally take the mask off and be yourself. "You're only alone if you choose to be" No. I am alone because of the circumstance, he's dead, you don't and can't understand how this feels so yes I am alone because these thoughts and piercing feelings only haunt me. I know I am not the only one who's lost someone, but when you can tell me that you had exactly what I did, until then, I am alone.

But maybe they're right.

Every part of me feels so disconnected. My heart wants to live, my mind wants rest, my body wants a quick remedy and my soul wants peace. aha so in other words: HIM!

All the things they say to me I already know in my heart. Even after the heart breaks it never ceases to bring life. That is what my heart wants, to be free again and to live life to its fullest. But it's the heart that protects the soul, what's really broken. I let my guard down and him in, even when it hurts my dignity. The soul is the core of everything. I didn't mean to make him my everything, I never wanted to depend on his love - it just happened. I feel so foolish for even admitting that I love him. The soul is where you connect with someone and become free even if you're both chained and trapped in a miserable world, none of that seems to matter. It rips me apart everyday to have lost him and that feeling. Not knowing what to do or how to get better instead of running in the same endless cycle. It doesn't help either how destructive the world is and how fast the time is moving. I am only 19, it was just yesterday I became potty trained ahahaha and now in my first year of University - why the hell do I have to go through this now? to become "stronger"?

I didn't write this for pity but in hopes to find someone else who gets what I am saying or to even be that person for whomever feels lost and to let them know that they're not alone. Sure we've heard it a million times from our friends and family but they don't understand because they never had it the way we did.

Sincerely,

RE

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This will be very cheesy, so I hope you're not lactose intolerant ;) AHAHA

Before relationships happen, we tell ourselves not to mess this one up and just take it easy but it never crosses our mind that any moment could be our last.

I fell in love with my best friend, he was 18...who's now buried 6 feet under. He was truly my light in the dark.

To be honest, I was never a believer in "love". I just thought it was only in the movies but not until I met him. Who knew that when you weren't searching, you two would find each other and in such a short time would be the greatest of friends and more. Someone who's soo much like you that you don't have to explain yourself and it blows your mind! That when you kiss, you feel a chill run through your body or when he holds you, your heart skips a beat. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I know it sounds like some cheesy love song rip-off but it's the truth that aches in every part of my body.

January 1, 2011 He was hit by a car walking home, he broke his neck on impact and went into a coma, he was hooked up to life support but the doctors said there was no hope, he was announced dead later that day. What a wonderful way to start the new year...It will be one year shortly - a year closer to him or just another year without him. It's been soo hard, not only a struggle within myself but with my friends who try so hard to help but know that they will never understand. Its the most frustrating to try to explain to someone how you feel but they have no clue and continue to give you advice. "You need to move on!" HEY if you haven't noticed we're always moving, time doesn't wait for us and move on to what? what does it even mean to move on? none of us ever truly move on, our loved one is still apart of us - all we've done is become good actors and masked our deep emotions just to fit in the mould of "normal". That's all we ever do is act, but not when you're with the one you adore, when you can finally take the mask off and be yourself. "You're only alone if you choose to be" No. I am alone because of the circumstance, he's dead, you don't and can't understand how this feels so yes I am alone because these thoughts and piercing feelings only haunt me. I know I am not the only one who's lost someone, but when you can tell me that you had exactly what I did, until then, I am alone.

But maybe they're right.

Every part of me feels so disconnected. My heart wants to live, my mind wants rest, my body wants a quick remedy and my soul wants peace. aha so in other words: HIM!

All the things they say to me I already know in my heart. Even after the heart breaks it never ceases to bring life. That is what my heart wants, to be free again and to live life to its fullest. But it's the heart that protects the soul, what's really broken. I let my guard down and him in, even when it hurts my dignity. The soul is the core of everything. I didn't mean to make him my everything, I never wanted to depend on his love - it just happened. I feel so foolish for even admitting that I love him. The soul is where you connect with someone and become free even if you're both chained and trapped in a miserable world, none of that seems to matter. It rips me apart everyday to have lost him and that feeling. Not knowing what to do or how to get better instead of running in the same endless cycle. It doesn't help either how destructive the world is and how fast the time is moving. I am only 19, it was just yesterday I became potty trained ahahaha and now in my first year of University - why the hell do I have to go through this now? to become "stronger"?

I didn't write this for pity but in hopes to find someone else who gets what I am saying or to even be that person for whomever feels lost and to let them know that they're not alone. Sure we've heard it a million times from our friends and family but they don't understand because they never had it the way we did.

Sincerely,

RE

Notgoodwithusernames,

I guess we all ask ourselves the same thing, "Why do I have to go through this?" But, unfortunately, I guess someone has to go through the difficult things, and some of us experience them younger, older, or more often than others. It doesn't make it any easier, it just is what it is.

I'm sorry about the loss of your beloved friend. Yes, it does feel like your heart is ripped from your chest and that reality is so completely distorted and confusing when you experience a loss. It also feels suffocating, long, aching and every other emotion you can experience all rolled into one heartbeat.

Others here have experienced similar experiences. We can be here to support you on this difficult journey towards healing.

ModKonnie

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notgoodwithusernames

Notgoodwithusernames,

I guess we all ask ourselves the same thing, "Why do I have to go through this?" But, unfortunately, I guess someone has to go through the difficult things, and some of us experience them younger, older, or more often than others. It doesn't make it any easier, it just is what it is.

I'm sorry about the loss of your beloved friend. Yes, it does feel like your heart is ripped from your chest and that reality is so completely distorted and confusing when you experience a loss. It also feels suffocating, long, aching and every other emotion you can experience all rolled into one heartbeat.

Others here have experienced similar experiences. We can be here to support you on this difficult journey towards healing.

ModKonnie

I am glad I found this site,

thank you ModKonnie :)

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