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Oliver, I'm sorry


colbin

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today has been one of the worst days of my life. I'm still in shock and I have to write this down for my own coping. 

A little over a year ago, my neighbor texted me asking if I can come help them out. When I arrived at his home, he had this skinny little bundle of fur sitting in his bathtub. He looked so scared and pathetic, and had recently been in some sort of altercation with an older, bigger tomcat and his wounds had abcessed and become majorly infected. My neighbor made it clear that he wasn't going to be able to keep the kitten, so I volunteered to rescue him. After getting him to the vet and a pretty major removal of the skin on his back from his wounds I was able to take him home and call him mine.  I named him Oliver. 

The accident. 

today january 27th 2023 i had to put my sweet boy, my wonderful whisker biscuit to sleep. 

WARNING GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION

As I got out of the shower today, I stepped out of the restroom to grab some clothes to change into, on my way back to the restroom I somehow slipped and fell. On the wall right.  next to where I fell, I had a pair of wooden and glass doors leaning on the wall. My foot kicked the door and it fell on my poor boys head resulting in major head trauma. I was hysterical. I rushed him to the vet holding his broken form in my arms as his lifeblood leaked out of his ears mouth and nose. The vets couldn't do anything to save him. 

I've been a wreck ever since. I keep replaying it all over and over I can't stop blaming myself for it. I'm sharing my story for a couple reasons. The main one is to help me make sense of it and take another step towards closure. The other reason is to remind anyone who takes the time to read this to love your pets and hold them close whenever you can, you don't know when they will suddenly be ripped from you. 

 

 

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I am so sorry!  OMG, and you didn't say how you are, I hope okay, but this poor little one, dang it's the hardest thing in the world losing them.  It helped me when I went through it to write about them, trying to memorialize them in a way..

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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foreverhis

Oh, I am so sorry for both of you.  It's always good to be reminded to love and cherish those in our lives, humans and animal companions, because we never know what might happen.  This was a tragic accident, but it was just that: an accident.  I realize that nothing I can say right now will ease your pain or the guilt you feel.  But KayC sometimes reminds us of a truth that is that just because we feel guilty does not mean we are.  She reminds us that feelings are not facts.  The facts are that you could not possibly have foreseen this.  Yet, because we are the ones left here and we feel a sense of responsibility, we look in the mirror and point back at ourselves saying, "You're to blame!"  We desparately want a different outcome and so our minds and hearts search for one.

It's no wonder you are traumatized.  But also, you rescued that sweet baby from a life of misery.  You gave all your love, time, and care.  That matters so much.  We cannot see the future; we cannot know what we do not know.  I very much hope that with time, comfort, and support from others like the members here, who truly understand, that the burden you feel now will ease.  You are not alone.

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Thank you both for your very thoughtful replies. It has helped tremendously talking to people about this 

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I'm going to start therapy this Wednesday at 2. It has been tremendously difficult to cope. Prayers and thoughts are welcome

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I wish you the best with it, let us know how it goes after you've had time to do it a while...

Prayers!

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My heart breaks for you, I am so so sorry to rad about this. What a tragic accident. 

Wishing you peace and comfort, I know this is so painful. 

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It's been over a month, and while the pain has subsided somewhat in a visceral sense, it's right there under the surface ready to explode at any moment. My biggest problems have been flashbacks. The sounds and smells I recall without prompt on a regular basis. I'm healing,  but it's been a painful and bitter process

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Hang in there. I know how hard it is.

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