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My Cat died because of my stupidity


Dav

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My cat started acting sick. I took him to the vet and had blood tests and urine tests done and they told me he had Kidney disease and  Diabetes. He had shown signs of kidnet disease years earlier and I had beeen feeding him a kidney diet.

I started giving him insulin for his diabetes but he continued be sick and his kidneys were getting worse. After many doctors visits and a trip to the emergency room. I brought him in to get put to sleep. The doctor at the time suggested a few things we could try and I went ahead with those treatments. I had another blood test done and things had gotten much worse.

The doctor recommended that if things didnt improve overnight I should bring him back in to have him put to sleep. Things did not improve and I had him put to sleep.

After a few weeks of Grieving over my deci9sion I found that a box of plant fertilizer had fallen off the refrigerator In my Rec room and sat opened on the ground I didnt see that anything had spilled out but I suspect he had eaten the fertilizer which caused his sickness and suffering.

I am plagued.With grief over the fact that I caused his suffering and death I find myself wishing That I would suffer the same as He did because the pain is really unbearable.

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I'm so very sorry for your loss. Losing our little ones is never easy. I doubt the fertilizer contributed to your cat's illness. So many cats suffer from kidney disease. I've had several who have died from this and though I did everything I could do for them, in the end the disease took them. We always second guess our decisions and blame ourselves for doing too little or even doing too much. It's normal to blame ourselves for our perceived failures but if your kitty had been diagnosed with kidney disease years earlier it's only a matter of time before it would begin to take a toll on his overall wellbeing regardless of special diets and fluids. It's one of those horrible, chronic conditions that we can treat only to give them a little more time with us, not ultimately to save them.

It sounds like you went above and beyond trying to save him. Far more than many do. It's clear how much you loved him and how devoted you were. Please don't blame yourself for the fertilizer. Even if he were to have eaten some of it (which I doubt) I don't think it would have contributed to his existing illnesses. 

I hope you can find peace and grieve without blaming yourself. I know that feeling. I always find someway to blame myself for my kitties' deaths. But with enough time I gain clarity and realize I did all I could and that I had given them an amazing life and tons of love. So try to go easy on yourself through this grief process. 

Take care,
Biscuit's Dad

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I am so sorry for your loss and for how it happened.  It does no good to beat yourself up, we go through the what ifs in early grief, it doesn't help.  
If there were a way to go back and have a redo...but there isn't.
 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
It is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and it continues still.

I hope this brings you some comfort and peace:

 
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13 hours ago, Dav said:

My cat started acting sick. I took him to the vet and had blood tests and urine tests done and they told me he had Kidney disease and  Diabetes. He had shown signs of kidnet disease years earlier and I had beeen feeding him a kidney diet.

I started giving him insulin for his diabetes but he continued be sick and his kidneys were getting worse. After many doctors visits and a trip to the emergency room. I brought him in to get put to sleep. The doctor at the time suggested a few things we could try and I went ahead with those treatments. I had another blood test done and things had gotten much worse.

The doctor recommended that if things didnt improve overnight I should bring him back in to have him put to sleep. Things did not improve and I had him put to sleep.

After a few weeks of Grieving over my deci9sion I found that a box of plant fertilizer had fallen off the refrigerator In my Rec room and sat opened on the ground I didnt see that anything had spilled out but I suspect he had eaten the fertilizer which caused his sickness and suffering.

I am plagued.With grief over the fact that I caused his suffering and death I find myself wishing That I would suffer the same as He did because the pain is really unbearable.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had to put my dog down (my beloved's dog that I inherited when she passed) a few years ago. It was almost like losing her all over again. And I wonder, why didn't I do this or that, I should have realized this or that, etc etc etc. 

Understand that grief and guilt are old dance partners. We are in pain, so naturally we look for reasons and justifications for our pain......and we find ourselves an obvious, easy target.

But it's an unfair target. It's not like you were abusive or neglected your pet. Accept that you were good to your pet and a good owner but that you can't take every contingency into account; you're only human. 

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7 hours ago, widower2 said:

Understand that grief and guilt are old dance partners.

Yes.  I'm sorry for your loss, @widower2 very well put.  And so true that the guilt is unfair, we do our best with what we know at the time and don't know what we don't know until we do and then it's too late. :wacko:

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12 hours ago, widower2 said:

Understand that grief and guilt are old dance partners. We are in pain, so naturally we look for reasons and justifications for our pain......and we find ourselves an obvious, easy target.

Exactly right. I think of it as looking in the mirror and pointing back at ourselves saying, “It’s your fault!” because we are the ones left here and so our minds decide we must be the ones to blame. For quite some time, it didn’t seem to matter that my logical side knew it wasn’t true because my emotional side was completely “in charge.”

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I'm so sorry for your loss.  Please do not feel guilty though.  You didn't cause his disease.  The fact is that pets get ill from these diseases through no fault of their loving owners, and we cannot save them even with the best care and love and medicine.  It was simply his time to go and you helped him go more peacefully and painlessly by taking him to the vet for euthanasia, which is a kindness.      

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